PDA

View Full Version : What do you think of this plot?


SFFWorld.com
Home - Discussion Forums - News - Reviews - Interviews

New reviews, interviews and news

New in the Discussion Forum


Pages : [1] 2 3

pennywise86
December 22nd, 2006, 12:08 AM
The story i've been working on for the past few years is part of a trilogy and is fantasy, although it doesn't have any of the usual characteristics associated with fantasy books (no wizzards, dark lords, elves, dwarfs, dragons, etc)

Basically, I want to know what you think of the plot, and if it sounds like something you would be willing to read. It might not be the most original concept out there, but I believe the manner in which the story is told and the characters will make it interesting reading nonethless.

The story starts off with Adrian, a boy of 13, who has been plagued with aweful nightmares for the past few months. In the nightmares he witnesses countless horrors of a massacre in the not-too-distant past. He is forced to re-live the anguish of those involved in the slaughter. The nightmares are slowly eating away at him, to the point where he can hardly focus on the day-to-day tasks. He shares the knowledge of these visions only with his cousin, Connor, who is a year older than him. The two of them live together in the city at Connor's father's inn, and work in the stables.

Adrian's life takes a turn for the worst when three men show up and take room at the inn. Adrian and Connor befriend one of the men, a young man who doesn't seem as hard as his companions. This all eventually leads to Adrian discovering that the men are Legionnaires, sent by the King to take him away. In one horrific chapter called "Revelations", Adrian learns that he is a descandent of an old race that was much despised and persecuted against. In fact they were nearly wiped out when a mad emperor decided to wage war on them. He also learns of the Orb of Light (i need to come up with something better), which he is told is currently dying where it lies in the Ruins, a dark and cancerous land. Only the Ascillians could restore the Orb, but since they are believed to be extinct now, and he is the only of they could find, to him falls the task.

That's the basic premise of the story, a journey to save the source of all the world's light. Throughout the first book the characters are pursued by two assassins, hired by a man with a dark past named Jonas to capture Adrian and kill those with him. We come to learn about these assassins as well, their past and their motivation. The ending climax results in a battle on the bridge leading into a city where the small party expects some refuge.

I said this story differs from typical fantasy, and one of the ways in which it does so is that instead of swords it is guns that play a prominent role, and there is very little magic.


So what do you think? Interested?

Sid_Fallon
December 22nd, 2006, 02:23 AM
It certainly sounds interesting enough to read. The thing that tugs at me personally is the Orb of Light and what exactly its power is. If all it does is hold sway over the world's sun, I wouldn't find it all that bad if it were to die. I dislike the sun. However, if this "light" you speak of has much more meaning, I would hope that you're focusing a lot more on it within your book. I understand that you may not have been able to put it in a summary, but as it is, it is a typical boy goes on quest, becomes man and saves the world (world's light). I personally need a slant more intriguing than this. What is the "world's light"? Is it daylight? Is it hope, the ability to love? Does it hold power over mankind's ability to be humane in some way? If not, mankind will continue to be mankind. A race of adapting survivors.

-sid-

Expendable
December 22nd, 2006, 09:31 AM
It's got me curious as to why the Orb of Light is so important that even though it's in the Ruins, your bad lands, someone (or someones) are willing to resort to drastic methods like kidnap and assassination to get the boy there instead of sending someone to ask first?

Does the Orb feature prominently in the dreams he's been having?

pennywise86
December 22nd, 2006, 11:17 AM
Basically the Orb represents not only the light of the world but also hope. If it dies, then the Ruins will spread like a cancer on the rest of the land. In fact, in the second book, as the orb weakens, a character from across the sea is introduced, led to these shores in search of the orb and an ascillian because his land is already under drastic attack. And with them they bring a plague from their land. At some point in the third book, as the orb weakens further, the entire land grows dark and is shrouded in darkness. Now, you can guess how that would affect people. So basically the Orb also represents life, the light is not only the natural light of the world, but also mankind's light.

The orb does play a prominent factor in the dreams, as it uses them to make Adrian aware of who he is, and his duty. It calls at him, using his dead mother as a messenger almost, since she plays a prominent factor in the dreams as well.

Konrad
December 22nd, 2006, 11:41 AM
If I may. I think that it sounds a little like The Talisman. In that book a young boy travells a long way to find an orb, a talisman. He is followed by evil men and so on.

If your book is totaly different then excuse me. And if it isn't then it sounds like a book that I could read. :)

Bethelamon
December 22nd, 2006, 12:03 PM
...it doesn't have any of the usual characteristics associated with fantasy books (no wizzards, dark lords, elves, dwarfs, dragons, etc)
Glad to hear it!

It might not be the most original concept out there, but I believe the manner in which the story is told and the characters will make it interesting reading nonethless.
Sounds good. No plots are 100% original, it is how you tell them that matters.

The story starts off with Adrian, a boy of 13, who has been plagued with aweful nightmares for the past few months.
I like how it is something which has just been going on for a few months when the book begins, rather than as if he's been "cursed" for all his life...
In the nightmares he witnesses countless horrors of a massacre in the not-too-distant past. He is forced to re-live the anguish of those involved in the slaughter. The nightmares are slowly eating away at him, to the point where he can hardly focus on the day-to-day tasks.
I also like the idea of how when the book begins he is really desorientated and sick, thats pretty original and could be very interesting.

Adrian's life takes a turn for the worst when three men show up and take room at the inn. Adrian and Connor befriend one of the men, a young man
who doesn't seem as hard as his companions.
Nice, characterisation of the 'villains' is good. Make sure they are very human.
Adrian learns that he is a descandent of an old race that was much despised and persecuted against. In fact they were nearly wiped out when a mad emperor decided to wage war on them.
A reference to the holocaust? I like this.
He also learns of the Orb of Light (i need to come up with something better), which he is told is currently dying where it lies in the Ruins, a dark and cancerous land. Only the Ascillians could restore the Orb, but since they are believed to be extinct now, and he is the only of they could find, to him falls the task.
Obviously the whoel orb and light and the magic part of the story here will need alot of thought, both to make it logical and to make it original.

Throughout the first book the characters are pursued by two assassins, hired by a man with a dark past named Jonas to capture Adrian and kill those with him.
Sounds good!
We come to learn about these assassins as well, their past and their motivation.
Excellent! Is alot of the book gonna be written from the point of view of the assassins then? That would be really interesting. Remember to make them really human, rather than just evil killing machines.
The ending climax results in a battle on the bridge leading into a city where the small party expects some refuge.
Sounds dramatic!

I said this story differs from typical fantasy, and one of the ways in which it does so is that instead of swords it is guns that play a prominent role,
What sort of guns? Do you mean early blackpowder weaponry?
and there is very little magic.
Glad to hear it. Obviously there is some sort of magic with this orb of light etc... but make sure there is no DIRECT magic... so the main characters don't use magic, and don't have the assassins and other 'villains' use it either. Perhaps magic is never used by humans (no wizards).

So what do you think? Interested?
Very interested! This is good stuff!

Bethelamon
December 22nd, 2006, 12:06 PM
I think that it sounds a little like The Talisman. In that book a young boy travells a long way to find an orb, a talisman. He is followed by evil men and so on.


I think that happens in quite a few fantasy books.

pennywise86
December 22nd, 2006, 01:12 PM
I'll admit the Talisman did influence this story somewhat, but as far as i can see it is only in regards to a boy going on a quest to retrieve something of vast power. In the Talisman Jack goes to save his mother, while in here Adrian doesn't have much of a choice. The characters also differ immensely, I believe. I think my characters tend to act more their age, where as in The Talisman Jack could be perceived as an adult in a child's body almost.

I said there was very little magic, but that doesn't mean none. The ancient race that Adrian is a descendant of were the first people of the land, and had some magical qualities. Adrian never really grasps his powers at all throughout the series, and hardly uses them at all in the first book. But the villains of the story do posess some knowledge of this magic, and make use of it. I'm trying to think of a unique magical power that they have, nothing like WOT or any other high fantasy. I want the magic to be almost subtle, not all-powerful-lay-waste-to-the-land-with-one-blow type. I was thinking of how Hobb uses the Skill in her Farseer series, but i'm still wondering if telepathy and telekinesis are what I want to go with.

I'm glad you saw the reference to the holocaust, though it wasn't intentional. I only realized the similarities once I had started writing.

As for use of guns, the story takes place in a world that has pretty advanced weaponry, using gunpower. I would say it's a world that is evolving further towards industrialization.

And there are several chapters told from the point of the assassins, so that the reader can come to know them and their personalities. I would say they are very different from one another.

Bethelamon
December 22nd, 2006, 01:37 PM
I think my characters tend to act more their age, where as in The Talisman Jack could be perceived as an adult in a child's body almost.
Excellent! We see too many of 'man-in-boys-body' stories. Lets have a story about REAL KIDS!

I want the magic to be almost subtle, not all-powerful-lay-waste-to-the-land-with-one-blow type.
Definately. Subtlety is always good.

And there are several chapters told from the point of the assassins, so that the reader can come to know them and their personalities. I would say they are very different from one another.
Try and make the readers identify with the human side of these 'villains', so they actually become fond of them. This way it will be much more interesting when one of them kills a baby or something.

World Builder
December 22nd, 2006, 04:12 PM
Here are a bunch of random thoughts, hopefully organized in a way that makes sense. Feel free to disregard them as heresy.

When you said that Adrian is plagued by dreams, for some reason, I immediately thought of a disease, though its obvious you didn't mean it that way. However, it did make the reference to an actual plague more interesting later on. Here's some thoughts I had on that:

Perhaps, Adrian is plague-ridden, as well as plagued by dreams. The old king who nearly wiped out the Ascillians got some advice from the court fortune teller that a world-threatening disease would spring forth from the Ascillians. So to stop the plague and save the world, the king exterminates the Ascillians. This, of course, sets into motion the fate the king wished to avoid. The Ascillians' resonance with the Orb of Light was unknown to the kill. Their deaths radiated out from the Orb, creating the Ruins around the Orb. These diseased and blasted lands are now in a feed-back loop with the Orb and the remaining Ascillians. The survivors are cursed with the Plague, the devasting echo of the holocaust, manifesting in dreams and in flesh. While the Ascillian lives, the plague is not contagious, but should he die while under its influence, it becomes ravenous as it escapes his body, spreading the Ruins even further. A Later prophecy might reveal that only an Ascillian and right this wrong, but alas, the Old King killed them all... as far as anyone knows.

Across the sea, the last remnants of a few Ascillians who fled finally succumbed to their Plague, unleashing it upon that distant kingdom. In Adrian's land, he alone harbors the disease now and only communion with the Orb can cure him -- makes him more personally invested in the Quest.

Also, I like the idea of the Orb being more than just Light. Again the first thing that popped into my head is that its the metaphysical manifestation of what seperates humanity from animals, Higher Thought. Perhaps the Ascillians are the ancestors of a yet more ancient race, gifted with reason and philosophic righteousness. The Ruins are called such, not simply because it as a devasted and wasted place, but also there are great, rugged monuments to this primeval civilization. And in the heart of some sepulchral city is the Orb.

The Old King's reaction to the prophecy of the plague is that of a rational monster, a contradiction of terms that could damage the Orb.