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MrBF1V3
February 6th, 2007, 12:11 AM
As promised, here is a thread to vote on the entries for the user name flash fiction contest. Also, comments are welcome.

Descriptions of the stories are not intended to be comments upon quality nor meant to influence anyone's vote, nor do they necessarily reflect the intentions of the writers.

Hereford Eye and his character's Pavlovian response to red... in Red Jumpsuit.
http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/2268p0.html
(It really is Radthorn's fault, follow the address at the story)

Jacquin gives us a literary banquet in which it's not the stew, it's what you put in it. That story is Venison stew and a fight. And his user name is in there, you have to really look.
http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/2269p0.html

MrBF1V3 presents a flash from the past along with a nuts and bolts kind of guy in The Ghost and the Machine.
http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/2271p0.html

MrJims knows who runs the place -- in his dreams. The name of the story is Haircut.
http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/2276p0.html

TheGhost illustrates what some people go through to meet new people. Or how much a woman has in common with a doll. Naw, that's not it either. You read it: The Ghost Has No Home.
http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/2280p0.html

Read before you vote, and keep your comments constructive. This poll will close in 10 days.

B5

Jacquin
February 6th, 2007, 05:19 AM
Red Jumpsuit. For me it was a scene rather that a complete piece. I like the nonchalance of the narrator but there were a couple of little things that jarred with me, I'd guess they are US/UK things...

The Ghost and the Machine. I like this, I have trouble with the idea of a house still standing with people living in it in a world ruled by machines though. I also can't help wondering why it is that a Building Fabrication robot has missiles and is programmed to eliminate people...

Haircut. I have trouble with dream descriptions, always have had. I don't know why bu they just don't gel with me. Saying that this was pretty well done and I liked some of the imagery.

The Ghost has no home. Perhaps it is because this is a section fo a longer piece but it didn't grab me. It didn't draw me in. It did however intrigue me.

For me (assuming that I'm not going to vote for my own piece!) I'd say The Ghost and the Machine wins it. It was complete in and of itself though it implied a bigger picture. At no point was I jarred from the story (all too common with flash fiction for me) and the language was simple and effective.

J

BrianC
February 6th, 2007, 09:55 AM
Well, I won't say which story I voted for, but this is my favorite line:


All that uncharted woman and no time for exploration.

Dawnstorm
February 6th, 2007, 02:46 PM
Red Jumpsuit: Delightful language, thematically coherent. Good fun.

Venison Stew and a Fight: Best way to incorporate username! :D I'm not into fight scenes, so I got too many details during the action. Liked the ending.

The Ghost and the Machine: A machines perception of a ghost! The most interesting concept in this contest, and well written. User name not only mentioned, but also explained. I found scene2 an anti-climax, though. The story still got my vote.

Haircut: Skirts the dreamscape quite well. Lots of thematic connections and absurdities that don't surprise the dream characters (nut-allergy, etc.). I'd drop the last paragraph, though.

The Ghost has no Home: This one's hard to judge. It's slow and stops when it gets going. I love the penultimate paragraph; the last one's confusing me a bit, though. I have a feeling this one could be a slow burner; nothing that strikes immediately, but hard to forget.

MrBF1V3
February 7th, 2007, 01:10 AM
Just a few impressions;

Red Jumpsuit--Good characterization, told in first person and I instantly identified with the guy (really--who hasn't been in that very same situation?:rolleyes: ). Good use of sarcasm.

Venison stew and a fight--Nice, ordinary people in a bad situation, and still they can joke about the food. I like the surprise, "I'm just keeping you busy while my friend who isn't dead sneaks up behind you." Yeah, been there too.

It took me a moment to realize I was in a dream in Haircut. Once I realized the metaphysical setting everything else kind of fell into place. Good description. I'm not sure how to approach this, there was a lot going on, and sometimes your narrative ran over itself. With a little more editing it can be great.

The Ghost Has No Home was kind of depressing. I think it was meant to be. Interesting use of what I might call a reverse voodoo doll. A young child witness to something untoward. I was disappointed that the title isn't tied in to the story, or maybe it is, but not directly enough.

And again, thanks for joining in.

B5

MrBF1V3
February 10th, 2007, 01:18 AM
--Bump--

There is still time to vote and/or comment if anyone else would like to.

Thanks,

Also,

DS- I agree with you on scene 2, it was a clone, and not even an origonal one. I considered several directions there, anything from "Oh, and we're dead too." to "Audra please open the door, we promise to be nice." --but nothing that worked for me, at least not yet.

Jacquin, my thought was the building fabrication robot was refitted with missles when the war started, the one where the robots kill all the people in order to save the planet. The resource reallocation for such an endeavor would be massive. Okay, I'm making that up, but it sounds good, doesn't it?

B5

And next time, someone else has to pick the topic.

Jacquin
February 10th, 2007, 05:14 AM
else[/I] has to pick the topic.

No no my fine friend, the winner has to pick the topic of the next one... :D

MrJims
February 10th, 2007, 11:28 AM
It's been a good laugh watching voter turn out on this one. Micro cosim anyone?

I liked all entries but ya gotta pick one.

That aside I voted for b5, it was the only one that didn't leave me riddled (What is once spoken, broken?) with questions.

Red jump suit and diner and a fight both had the feeling that I just turned a movie on half way through. Diner and a fight was easier for me to adjust but then again I'm a fantasy nut so it's my element.

The Ghost has no home was very dark and strange, which I found attractive in the story. The doll was cool but in the end my lack of understanding was bothersome.

Sadly my comments can only be based on feeling, technically speaking I'm weak but will throw my hat (Story?) in the ring for the next round.

And now, shameless promotions.

HAIRCUT HAIRCUT HAIRCUT HAIRCUT HAIRCUT HAIRCUT

(This has been a shamless ad for haircut. Brought to you by Mr. Jims Inc. a subsidary of the MR. group.)

HAIRCUT!:rolleyes:

MrBF1V3
February 10th, 2007, 04:29 PM
No no my fine friend, the winner has to pick the topic of the next one... :D

I was hoping everyone had forgotten that by now.:rolleyes: In the last flash contest I suggested the winner pick the next topic (Note-it was a 3 way tie...)

And, voting is still open for this contest, therefore there is no winner, yet.

MrJims, we learn by doing ...

and by being critiqued by people who know what they're talking about. I hope to see you in the next round.

I also am surprised by the low numbers of voters, even if one disregards 3/4ths of the reads my story has, if you've already read, it wouldn't take too long to vote.

B5

Also note: It has been suggested that there be at least a month interval between contests. (For whoever wins:o )

TheGhost
February 10th, 2007, 07:07 PM
I'll go with "Red Jumpsuit." I like the voice of it. Kind of saucy.