Critique: the third war

[Leo]

i have recently posted a not so new story, but an improved version of Red earth. it has alot more detail i have refined it more, and also have added a few chrachters then in recent attempts, and the reason i am putting it up here is because i would like you all here to give me your feed back. For those of you who have read my work i hope this version is alot better then my recent attempts. i know its not yet done, but so are alot of my works. this version is taking place all overth world, and it has alot of things of other aspects. i have added more emotion, and alot more thought. i think i have developed alot as a writer. so on that note without further a do here is Red earth, or now called the third war.

read and critic and enjoy because i sure have enjoyed writing this for readers

and please rate it would be helpfull to have that aspect of this place. the more rateings the better. i want honest feed back, i do realise that there are still alot of errors, and i am trying to correct as many as i can.

http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/2293p0.html

[jallenw]

Let me start by saying that I very much enjoy your writing style. You have a natural and compelling voice that makes me want to read more.

That being said, I couldn't keep reading past the third page because of your punctuation and capitalization. I tried, really I did, but it just became too distracting. I would love to read the story once you have fixed that.

The setting and characters are fun, and the plot hits close to home. Please don't be offended that I couldn't finish reading. It's just that I see enough poor spelling and punctuation in my own writing. I'll come back and try to read some more again later, but I'll have to read it in stages.

Keep working at it and have fun.

Global Thermal Nuclear Peace,
J. Allen Wentworth

[Ranger619]

Im interested but the link wont work on my browser for some reason... :(