View Full Version : Help me write this story

Home - Discussion Forums - News - Reviews - Interviews

New reviews, interviews and news

New in the Discussion Forum

Pages : [1] 2

February 20th, 2007, 07:21 AM
Ok, I'm trying to write a story, but can't get past a certain point in the prologue, so I skipped onto the first chapter. I was thinking if I posted what I have in the prologue, we could mess about with it, and get it finished. I'll post what I've written in the 1st chapter as well.

I won't use any exact ideas anyone posts, but it'll be interesting to see who can write something I like. You never know I could put in a trace of your idea, :P
Oh the books called Faye, it's the first book in series I'm planning to write.

Here's the prologue:
Night descended slyly over the village of Izran, carrying its faithful watchers with it. The stars hung gracefully in the dark canopy, watching the still activity below. The city was pooled in darkness. Yet in a dark alley, something lurked, waiting.
Lifting his head, Rofun sniffed the air. He calmly ran his fingertips over the blade of his knife, savouring the coolness. Glancing up, he saw thousands of small eyes watching his every move, along with their ever-changing master. Sighing with growing impatience, he leaned against the door of an empty tavern. He listened, straining his ears for sound. Nothing.
After a while, he heard what he had been waiting for.
The sound of hoarse breathing and muffled footsteps echoed lightly. Rofun could see a Shadow, moving towards the entrance of the alley. When the Shadow covered the entrance, he stepped forward.
“Your attempts at being discreet are atrocious, Cerad. I could hear you for quite a few moments”
The figure halted, its Shadow swaying nervously.
Rofun sneered, eying Cerad, then his Shadow. Both shifted nervously under his gaze. Rofun’s own Shadow stepped forward and put his hand on Cerad’s Shadow. He whispered something. Smiling, Rofun saw the other Shadow shiver.
“Come Rever.” Rofun crooned. Obediently, the Shadow resumed his place next to Rofun. “We have much to discuss, Cerad. Let us go into the tavern, out of the cold.” Cerad nodded dumbly at his words. Reaching into the folds of his cloak, Rofun pulled out his knife. He saw Cerad’s eyes widen in fear. “Calm yourself man. I won’t hurt you.” Rofun snapped.
Balancing the knife on one of his palms, Rofun began chanting inaudible words. He was glowing, Cerad noticed, a dull yellow. Cerad took a step back, preparing to run, when the blade lifted off Rofun’s hand.
It twisted at his command, and then hovered over his palm. The tip of the blade pressed lightly against his skin. Grasping the handle, Rofun slid the blade down the door’s gap. Cerad heard something click. The door swung open. Placing the knife back in his cloak, Rofun stepped through into the tavern, his Shadow with him. Hesitantly Cerad followed through with his Shadow.
Rever, Rofun’s Shadow, sat at a table in the corner. Looking up, he smirked. His dark hair hung around his face, his eyes gleamed in excitement.
Reluctantly Cerad approached the table. He pulled out a chair and sat, his Shadow doing the same. Rever tilted his head against the wall, grinning.
“Here, drink this”
Cerad jumped at the sound of Rofun’s voice. He grasped the handle of the tankard. Taking a large gulp, he placed it on the table. The taste of ale hung over his tongue. Rofun drained his tankard before sitting next to Rever. “Like I said outside, you and I have much to discuss.” Rofun said. “Things such as, why are you in Izran in the first place?” Cerad sat, stubbornly staring at the table.
Leaning across the table, Rofun lowered his voice to a whisper. “Cerad, you will not escape Izran alive unless you tell me everything. The authorities have guessed what you did. Now tell me, why are you in Izran?” Rever hissed in a threatening manner, and Cerad started to talk.
“I was summoned here by Hirst.”
“The banished tyrant Hirst?”
“Yes, he told me he had a task for me. I arrived here two days ago.”
“What task?”
Cerad was silent. His hand stretched towards the tankard, but halted in midair. He continued grudgingly, “He told me that Ceres was in Onage, a small town not far from here. I, like everyone else, knew Ceres was Hirst’s sworn enemy.”
Rofun held up a hand for silence, “you say was Hirst’s enemy, did they come to an agreement?”
Cerad shook his head slowly, “no, no. Nothing of the sort. No, Hirst sent me to kill him.”
A growl emitted from Rever’s throat, and Rofun’s eyes narrowed. “You knew you were serving Hirst, a servant of the dark, and setting out to kill someone?” Cerad looked at his Shadow for an answer, but it simply nodded.
“No.” he stated, “I didn’t know I was going to kill him. I was tricked.”
“Tricked? How?”
“Stop interrupting me and perhaps we’ll get somewhere.”
Rofun silenced, but his Shadow cast Cerad looks of dislike. “As I was saying,” he went on, “I was tricked. We all know that our Shadow is our soul. It is the way of our world, souls have always been visible. You will be aware that if another spirit or soul dwells in your body, your Shadow starts to fade from fighting it. Usually if you have another spirit in you, it’s evil. Hirst told me Ceres was possessed by another spirit. He informed me he wanted to make amends, so he sent me to perform an exorcism.” He faltered, and his hands started shaking. Rofun felt an odd wave of pity for the man. He guessed what was to come; he just hoped he was wrong.
“When I arrived at the inn Ceres was staying in, he didn’t look surprised to see me, which was good. I noticed his shadow did seem weak, so I assumed Hirst was telling the truth. I had to wait until late in the night, until Ceres was asleep. I crept into his room, and started the exorcism.
“Once I started, I knew it was too late.”
“There was no spirit in him was there?”
Cerad nodded dumbly, “I found a source of power in Ceres. Automatically I thought it was the spirit, so I set out to rid him of it. It began to fight me. It was only after I had broken the connection that I realised what I had done.”
Again the rush of pity came to Rofun, even Rever’s eyes softened, yet not for long.

?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????

That's as far as I got, i don't need much more, but I think it should end up in a fight, and Rofun getting injured. Oh another thing, Rofun and Rever aren't evil, Cerad is. :rolleyes:

I'll post the first chapter, or what i've wrote anyways in the next thread. I don't need help with that yet, it think, :confused: but it might help with the prologue.

This doesn't have to be serious, write whatever you want, but please don't criticise my writing. I'm fantasy obessed so anything out of the ordinary i'll love :D


February 20th, 2007, 07:23 AM
And part of the 1st chapter:

The sun was just rising, throwing the valley of Davan into the shadows of dawn, when Faye Ameera awoke. The rays piercing through the drapes fell lightly on her eyelids. They fluttered open, setting her lazily on the wall of consciousness. At first the scenes of her dream mingled with the view of her room. She found it rather amusing, two men struggling, while two black figures hissed at one another, over a trunk of clothes, and a caged thrush, who chirped happily. A small smile played on Fayde’s lips as the dream vision vanished, and she swung her legs out onto the oak floor.
Padding across the floor barefoot, she opened the cage and reached in. Instantly the thrush hopped on her finger, and gave Faye an affectionate peck.
“Oh Shiri, I had the oddest dream last night.” The bird cocked her head to one side, and gave a small chirrup. Faye smiled, the light sound hanging in her small, sharp pointed ears. Smiling at Shiri, she paced across her room to the screen, which led out to the balcony. The light flooded in, bathing the room in a soft glow.

Might inspire :P

May 11th, 2007, 02:20 PM
Well, I have nothing to suggest right now, but I must say your writing is exquisite! You have a way with words, and you really know how to set the mood and scene within the reader's mind. Excellent work!:D
Let me know if you're going to publish; I would love to read it!

May 11th, 2007, 04:21 PM

Thanks :D

I've kinda changed it all around. But it's still the same plot if you know what I mean.

Don't worry. I'll let you know if I get it published. :D

May 12th, 2007, 06:05 AM
Hey, shouldn't you be doing your homework? :p

May 12th, 2007, 03:33 PM

I am! =)

Don't worry I'm doing it. I basically do it non - stop without even thinking about it. :D


I really should be revising but like wow Spiderman!

(I've had like 3 bottles of coke today so I'm like sooooooooooooooooooooo hyper =D)

Wait till summer, this story will be all I'll be doing in my free time. Once I stupid tests out of the way I'm good to go for 2 and a half months =p yay. =D

May 28th, 2007, 03:43 PM
I'm still on for playing out the story with you, if you're still interested. With two and a half months before you have to return to school, and assuming my work schedule allows, we should be able to get through a good chunk of it.

Glad you enjoyed Spiderman 3, but there had better not be any references in this story! :p In other words, Rofun, Cerad et al are not allowed to swing from tall building to tall building on webbed vines fired from their wrists. Got it? :rolleyes:

As for the coke, you're gonna need it!

May 29th, 2007, 12:20 PM
What? :eek: No web swinging? No Green Goblin? No Venom?



Oh awesome I can drink coke :D (I'm not meant to) :D


Terminator obsession will be brought down in 2 weeks :D

How awesome.

May 31st, 2007, 12:10 AM
You do realize that this is supposed to be a discussion forum about writing...specifically scifi and sci-fantasy...and not just a chit-chat forum, don't you?

In the interests of keeping the mods happy :p I suggest we start a discussion forum how the consumption of coke assists us writers with our creative thought processes. ;)

In the interests of keeping you happy, however, I will wait (patiently) for you to kickstart the new and improved version of "The Prologue". I'm waiting...

June 1st, 2007, 02:37 PM

I realise.

OH I have a question about something in the prologue. What about Shadows?

You still think that'll work?