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SFizzle
March 26th, 2007, 11:08 PM
Just started writing this short story following a recent exchange on here. I'm beginning to suspect the story might be unworkable, but I thought I'd pass it along to see if you guys want me to complete/polish it.

It's very hard to write as a goat.
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The Triumphs and Disasters of Paco, the Fantastical Goat

It was a tremendous day to be a goat. The sun shined, the grass glistened, and the pasture was completely devoid of other goats. Yes, this treasure trove was left to Paco, and he set to the task with delight. Each clump of grass was a new paradise, a fresh adventure. His stubby white tail wagged in contentment, this was truly a marvelous day.

Despite this delicious lunch, the small goat did take a moment to examine the entrance of two strange animals into the meadow. He had seen their like before, generally roving in flocks. Paco chewed thoughtfully, as his head swung back and forth between the two, eyeing each in turn. No, not from the same flock, they came from different directions. Ugly beasts, lumbering as they were. They ambled about awkwardly on two legs, looking as if they were preparing to fall over at any moment. Civilized creatures knew enough to walk on the more sensible four legs. Of course their stubby upper limbs hardly made for adequate support. Paco issued a snort, blowing his wispy beard out. Silly creatures.

Paco leaned into a gust of wind and gawked at the way the two-feet’s fur flew about. It almost seemed like it wasn’t attached to their body at all. The younger of the two-feet sported a completely furless face, which looked completely ridiculous. At least the other had the common sense to grow a beard, long and snowy like Paco’s own. Of course, it wasn’t as luxurious. Few things were.

The two-feet shambled to a stop, their strange hooves trammeling precious mounds of ground. Paco looked askance at the rolling blue sky, and devoured another clump of grass. He’d chomp rocks before these two wandering fools got him to leave, that he was sure of. Of course, the two-feet, not content to only tromp on the delicious green tendrils immediately began barking at one another. The sounds were harsh and rang in his ears.

“Baaa.” Paco nodded to himself, now that was how something got said. He gave a firm wag of his tail to accentuate the point. The two-feet turned and stared at him. The elder bearded one blinked. Paco blinked. The two-foot sneezed.

The beardless one spoke first. “Enough preliminaries Lucius, I pleased you have come.” The other replied by mopped his nose with his hanging yellow fur. Not much for cleanliness, these two-feet. Composing himself, he ran the fat claws at the ends of his stubby legs through bedraggled head fur.

“ Lucius Looniferus, Magicflinger Extraordinaire, fears no man!” He bared his dull fangs, which would be hard pressed to chomp a clump of mud, much less fell an opponent. Paco snorted, he didn’t even have horns! The poor specimen’s male surely options must be slim. Three legged blinds ones Paco suspected. Misty heaves of breathes filled the air as the two-feet bent at the knees into a more intimidating posture.

Paco inhaled deeply, sampling the air. Mingled with the smell of life ran a strong undercurrent of tension. The wind was charged with nervous energy, though Paco suspected there would be no ramming of heads, gnashing of teeth, or scraping of claws. One would need horns, suitable teeth, or something other than soft pink furless protrusions stubs for that. How, exactly does a two-foot kill another two-foot? The mystery was entirely too interesting to leave unsolved. Tucking his legs beneath him, Paco rested his shaggy belly upon the ground a short distance from the two-feet. He ground a few blades of grass between his yellow teeth. Dinner and a show.

“To death?”

Lucius snorted. Paco’s ears perked up at this, the snort was very powerful. “Aye. Is there any other kind?”

“Commence!”

Paco waited for either of them to charge, but they instead appeared to be frozen in place with their upper limbs pushed out in front of them. Well, this was unexpected.

pennywise86
March 26th, 2007, 11:58 PM
Now see, if I saw this in a bookstore, I would immedidately pick it up. Just the picture of the goat on the cover would be enough. You really know how to show the "inner-goat".

SFizzle
March 27th, 2007, 12:01 AM
It is incredibly difficult to write. That little blurb took me 2 hours. I can't use any standard objects to describe things that the goat wouldn't be able to identify with (hence two-feet). I'm beginning to understand the goat character a bit better, but I just don't know if the reading is interesting at all.

Since it is so much more difficult to write than my novel, I find I'm a lot less pleased with the product. But if there is interest, I'll continue putting effort into it. I already have an idea for 3-4 different adventures involving Paco and Lucius the Loon.

AgentRustyBones
March 27th, 2007, 07:09 PM
I liked it!

It is certainly an exercise worth trying when you write from the perspective of something other than human. It challenges those writing muscles!

There are a couple of rough patches, especially where is really observing the two mages...but I'd certainly like to see where it goes from here!

Bravo!

James Carmack
March 27th, 2007, 08:22 PM
It really brings out the inner goat. And after it breaks through my ribcage and wriggles out of the gaping hole in my chest, it shakes off the loose bits of gore and is ready for primetime. Welcome to show, Billy.

Don't ask me why I say things like this.

In all seriousness, you did an admirable job of taking up the narrative from a difficult perspective. It does get a bit dicey after "The beardless one spoke first," but nothing that can't be tuned up in a jiffy.

"Originality" as we generally understand it is all in the presentation and that's where this story shines. I mean, when's the last time you had a story told from a goat's perspective? I strongly encourage you to keep at it, Fizzle. A story like this is bound to get attention.

And one more thing... "Delicious green tendrils"... Holy Maeda, Batman! ^o^

xvszero
March 27th, 2007, 10:22 PM
I have a feeling I'm going to like this forum WAY more than the Livejournal writer's critique forum. See over there it seems to be mostly teenagers writing depressive "poetry" and they never quite could get a grasp on the kinds of things I was trying to do.

But I figure anyone who can write a story from the perspective of a goat would understand.




Maybe.

SFizzle
March 28th, 2007, 02:53 AM
In light of this positive feedback, I'm left with little choice but to continue chronicling the amazing adventures of Paco. I'll worry about the rather ugly patches of prose later, since I'm sure some of you are curious as to how our good friend and humble four-footed narrator becomes involved in the action.

James Carmack
March 28th, 2007, 07:56 PM
Paco is actually the third cousin of the (Goat) Demon Lord Baphomet and wields such mighty infernal powers that he could easily scour the world of all life, trapping the wretched souls of the dead in a burning prison of unending torment, writhing in agony for all eternity... but that would kill off all the grass, too, and he's rather partial to it. And so our world continues to live... for now...