Critique-The New Metamorphosis

[GreyMantle]

The New Metamorphosis is intended to be a sort of faux-gothic parody of the story by Kafka. I would like some sort of constructive criticism about it. Criticism/Advice pertaining to style/creativity rather than the subject of the story itself would be more appreciated, but I'll try to listen to anything anyone posts. And I know that two characters have names stolen from Gormenghast, but this is due to the fact that I have no intention of ever getting this published, and that I would think that it doesn't really matter in the general scheme of things.
The address: http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/2368p0.html
Again, anything is apppreciated.

[James Carmack]

Funny. I don't know how much traction it'll have with people who haven't read Kafka, but I'm sure the literature majors out there will get a chuckle out of it. ^_^

"A was unsure why someone would only answer to a letter." ^o^