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Rose lae
April 27th, 2007, 08:48 PM
Hey, Im new and I would like my poem critiqued. Thanks.

Your words are eloquently trapped in ink and paper. They fall, teasingly from your lips so sweet, splashing the paper. They fall dead upon the air as you say them, wordless you speak, moving lips, soundless, in the chill of night. I choose to listen to your words, wanting to hear them again. Wanting to speak them as you do, but my efforts are in vain. For no one can speak those teasing words. Make them fall from their lips so sweet, make them fall dead in the air in the chill of night, only for you to hear.

April 27th, 2007, 08:53 PM
Hey, nice to have you here. Im a minor writer who just writes for self pleasure so dont take my comments in a negative perspective. I feel a depth in this poem, its actually quite "touching"... however some of the words stand out like a distraction from the eloquence of your writing, I cant help you there though, you'll have to listen to someone else on that part.

Rose lae
April 27th, 2007, 08:56 PM
Thank you, I might re-write it for editing sakes though