Critique: Chapter 1 Eyes in Shadow

[virangelus]

I got this sudden brash fear that maybe my story is too much of a mish-mash of futuristic versus the mundane.... technology and laser beams run rampant in this story but not everybody has access to it and I hope it doesn't become a problem.

So... you fantastic people behind SFF can be the judge. I would be so admonished to those that read this :eek:

Please enjoy.

http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/2539p0.html

[James Carmack]

I'm sure you mean you'll be admonished by those who read it. :P

It's a long piece, so I can't guarantee it'll get done anytime soon, but I will go over it. Twiddle your thumbs until then.