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Stark Raven
August 2nd, 2007, 02:56 PM
It's my understanding that one should post to this forum for critiques. I know it's a lot to ask, especially since noone here knows me, but I'd really appreciate any opinions you could give on this story. Good or bad, either one would help me get a feel for where to go with my writing. It's a long story, so I know that I need to be patient about getting any responses. I don't expect a line by line examination. Grammar isn't my main concern, as I already have help with that. I really am more worried about the story itself. How it flows, how well it keeps your attention, what you think of the plot, characterizations, etc. Of course, don't hesitate to point out any glaring grammatical errors. Every little bit helps, you know.

Thanks to everyone in advance for any feedback.


August 2nd, 2007, 06:30 PM
I haven't finished it yet but I thought I would mention something now rather then leave you hanging so to speak.

The flow to me seems fine, and the conversations are short and swift meaning we don't get bogged down in them. The only quibble I have with it is the lack of discription. By the end of the first page we have no real idea what the pair of lovers or their surroundings look like.

Admitedly if you put to much desciption in it would slow the story down but a few lines wouldn't go amiss I feel. At the moment I have ran out of time so I will read page two tommorrow and give you some crit on that and so on.


Stark Raven
August 3rd, 2007, 04:52 PM
Thanks, Hrothgar! I know the character descriptions are a little light on the first page. It's a long story, so you should see more description of them (and everything else) as you go. Hope that doesn't bother you enough to stop reading.

August 3rd, 2007, 06:00 PM
Of course not. Time has overtaken me to nigh though so I will give you the crit from the next to pages tommorrow if that is all right.


Stark Raven
August 3rd, 2007, 06:40 PM
Perfectly all right. >cracks whip< I wouldn't dream of imposing on your kindness by displaying vulgar impatience. >looks around for cattle prod< No, sir, I'll just sit here patiently as the eons slip past, stoically awaiting your learned opinion. :)

Seriously, no hurry. I know all about being in a time crunch. Three school age kids, job, demanding hobbies, etc.

August 4th, 2007, 07:45 AM
There isn't anything on the next two pages that I can say is bad, the flow seems fine and the monsters, what ever they are, are introduced at the right time I think. The description of the...erm...things was good and gave me a good picture in my head.

To often I think people rest on the typical green golbin thing or the slavering wolf-y thing. The weird thing you had was quite good. I'll read another few pages tonight and give you some more crit.

Stark Raven
August 22nd, 2007, 11:26 AM
I hate to bump this, but it seemed to be getting lost and I was really hoping for more feedback. If anyone else would like to take a crack at it, I'd be eternally grateful.