[Kreschyboy]

Hah, no problem bud.

Feels great to be able to help. I like the new twist, keep at it. Remember, i'm always available to critique if you'd like a chapter(s)/outline/idea or whatever looked at.

For the corruption/drawn to the dark side aspect, always remember to ask as many questions of yourself as you can. Why is he tempted to follow the evil guy? How will this affect his fight against the evil guy? What would he stand to gain by going to the evil side? What would he lose? What kind of a corruption is it? (is it actually some part of the dark magic inside of him corrupting him or is it his own ambitions that draw him to the dark side?)

Good luck and i look forward to hearing more.

-Tyler

[Bethelamon]

What if the Shadow corrupts him and he is left powerless [and very tempted to go to the dark side] until a point in the story?

Bullseye! Thats whats going to make this story interesting.

I was wary of having central characters all being very powerful. But simply having the main character, who used to be powerful, LOSING his power, and then having to do what he does in a society where this magical power is everything, and he suddenly doesn't fit in.... thats going to be interesting.

Would he perhaps become an outcast, and kicked out of society? Would the 'dark side' then offer him a place in their society, as he has become like they were?
Would he try to cover up his loss of power so that he can stay part of society?
Does he know WHY his power has gone, and does this motivate him to take part in the narrative? Perhaps it was his fault, and he is angry with himself. Perhaps he deserves it, and he knows that, and is looking for redemption. Perhaps he unjustly lost it, and is looking for justice.
Does he NOT know why, and his motivation for taking part in the narrative is to find out WHY he lost his power? He wants it back!

Just some ideas.

[Sticktator]

Spoiler: it's long.

http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/2620p0.html

Should there be more action? Should I start with the Shadow Resistance attacking Aeronilis (the Air capital city) first, and then this could be prologue number two?

[James Carmack]

Five pages isn't long, Stick. It's blissfully short (from the perspective of reviewers like myself). Once you cross the twenty-page mark, you can call it long.

I'll try to give it a once-over within the next few days if I can find the time. I've got some other commitments to attend to first, but surely I can spare a few words for general impressions at the bare minimum.

[Sticktator]

Five pages isn't long, Stick. It's blissfully short (from the perspective of reviewers like myself). Once you cross the twenty-page mark, you can call it long.

I'll try to give it a once-over within the next few days if I can find the time. I've got some other commitments to attend to first, but surely I can spare a few words for general impressions at the bare minimum.Lol. Well it felt ages when I was writing it, what with all the revision, rewriting, planning and getting stuck.

But by god, it's worth it.

[Kreschyboy]

But by god, it's worth it.

But by god, it's worth it.

Bingo.

But, a word of advice. don't edit your first few pages to death before you actually get going on the story. Once you figure out the direction you're heading and figure out more of what's going to happen as you actually write, you'll inevitably have to change your prologue/chapter 1 etc. Also, its sometimes more fun to start where the action begins and interspace your prologue throughout the first parts of the story. Long expository "background knowledge" sections are good if you can make them work, but many people can't. haven't had time to read yours yet, and i'll leave my two bits when i do.

PAYCE

-kreschyboy