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Critique: Kamnor Chronicles


ouphie
September 2nd, 2007, 01:52 PM
Howdy all. I have finally started work on book one of the Kamnor Chronicles (name still up in the air) after over six months of plot and world building. I haven't written a story of such length before, and am a bit nervous in starting such a daunting project as I tend to be a perfectionist.

Anyway, I figured I would introduce myself a bit before I subject my story intro to public inspection. I am a 24 year old electronics engineer with an BSEET from the Oregon Institute of Technology. I became an engineer for two reasons. I love to create and build things, and I have been reading sci-fi and fantasy novels since I started elementary school. The thought that I could make what was fiction into fact drove me through my college years. While in college I did a fair bit of math and found that I needed something to balance myself out. I first turned to graphic arts, but that didn't quite do it for me. So I'm venturing out into the world of writing.

For those of you that actually read the bio, I applaud your patience (engineers are notorious for being long winded when it comes to facts). Below is the opening letter sent by the character that will be the focus of the first half of the book to the main focus of the second half. My plan is start the novel around the 3/4 point with this scene, then work the story from the beginning through to its end.

" What have I done? How many have I killed? How can I go on with the memories of my dead friends haunting me. I should have listened to you Elannis. I can not fault you in this. You did everything you could to warn me, but I was too much the fool to listen.
How many years have we spent together? How many summer nights did we play in the fields of Levantrice under the stars and moon? The fields are now ash and cinder. The grove of trees where your parents were wed was burnt down in our battle with Do'ath's followers. Human. Living and breathing humans that followed and believed in such a monster. People that were our neighbors. Men that our fathers knew as children. I have murdered and slain entire families. All in the name of a single goal.
I can't go on Elannis. Blood stains the earth where ever I step. Each wall in this damnable church holds shadows of those I've slaughtered. Each one whispering curses as I pass. Each accusing me of becoming what I sought to destroy. Each weighing heavier and heavier on my soul. I can't bear it any longer.
I may have succeeded in removing one evil, but I fear that I have helped to unleash something greater. Something I can not defeat. Elannis, I'm sorry. If I had a thousand nights to beg your forgiveness for what the pain I have caused, and will continue to cause, it would not be enough. I beg that you try to remember what I used to be and the friendship we had before we were both swept up in events beyond our control.
Goodbye Elannis."

I understand that my style is still developing, and that anything I write now will be re-written in my first edit. Please feel free to take the red pen to it as seen fit. I can't grow as a writer without feedback. Thanks and take care.

 

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