[Takoren]

So, I'm creating an outline for a new story. Yes, I'm actually creating an outline and I'm getting so detailed I'm actually creating everything right down to several systems of currency. This is a change from my last book where I just sat down and started writing.

But in the process I wrote a short poem that is both prophetic about what happens in the story and also contains the titles of the first two books in my planned series. So, I thought I'd let you guys read it and tell me what you thought. Here goes:

The Silence of Soul
Shadow shall draw shadow
As the beast learneth the virgin's name
Lion shall lie with dog
Ice doth consume the immortal flame
From the window of tears
Angel and demon appear
From the darkness, all the same

Line trancendeth line
Thunder in the morning is heard
Virgin shall become goddess
Death becometh the final word
In the silence of soul
Young becometh old
O man of peace, take up thy sword

[Wolery]

This is why I hate modern poetry. It's constructed very nice. But it tells me NOTHING of your yarn; it's too criptic. Tell me, what is the synopsis of your story?

[Takoren]

Well, it was sort of meant to be cryptic. I was mainly asking what you guys thought of the poem, not whether or not it told you anything about my story.

The poem is not meant for the reader to understand the story better, it's actually an ancient poem that a few of the characters know, and will be included at the beginning of the first, and possibly the second book. I have titled my first and second books with lines from that poem.

As for a synopsis, well I'll be a little blunt. I hate trying to sum up my lengthy outline into a 100-words-or-less paragraph because it always makes the story sound lame, but I'll try anyway.

Basically it's the story of the crew of the Hyperion's Torch, a well-reknowned greatship in the Naval Fleet of the Abundant Commonwealth. The Commonwealth is a league of nations attempting to work together for benevolent purposes similar to the UN, but I'm not going to get into how it's run or how closely it parallels the real UN on this post since you don't have all day to read it.

The Torch's better days are well behind it, and the crew has become world-weary, disspirited, apathetic and surly. Its captain is an ex-soldier with a checkered past who may not believe that the organization he works for is perfect but believes in the ideal. The same is not necessarily true of his men, several of whom are only interested in steady pay and an occasional harbor to make berth in and do some drinking and wenching.

The main missions mostly involve ferrying dignitaries of some sort or another to places where they are needed. In the process of this, over the course of the first two books, Captain au Cray begins to realize that there are some shady occurrences within the Commonwealth, and they seem to trace back to the office of the Prolocutor (sort of a secretary-general). As the plot progresses, he begins to get orders he cannot in good conscience follow (though again the same is not necessarily true of some of his men) and he decides that a secret mutiny is the best way to combat this.

Meanwhile there are two younger crew members who come aboard; Jace Cuthand, who brings aboard a strange black sword and is convinced that he is some sort of chosen hero, and Lanshu, an apprentice sorceress whose comprehension of her magical studies seems far beyond her years. They each have a major part to play that becomes more clear in the later books.

There is not really a central character, and the eight characters concentrated on the most will be Lanshu; Jace Cuthand, or "Spit" as the crew begins to call him, thanks to his sword which they all ridicule; 'Dran, the taciturn boatswain who secretly left his homeland over a murder charge; Hunter, the fierce, lesbian first mate who is a mistress of any sort of weapon; Stitch, the surgeon who may or may not be a traitor; D'Saii, the sorceress and lover of the captain who suspects there is more to Lanshu than meets the eye; Ride, the alcoholic mage and oldest friend of the captain whose job it is to open the portals that shorten their sea journeys and Captain Rynin au Cray himself.

There are plots within plots, throw-away references that actually have a good deal of baring on the plot (for example, the fact that all the gods of a certain religion "went away" is not just a religious superstition) and a resolution that I will not reveal yet.

I plan for it to span seven books.

[James Carmack]

I take it Lanshu is the virgin on the the fast track for divinity, maybe Spit the man of peace supposed to take up his sword.

The poem isn't bad. Admittedly, I'm no poet, but it doesn't have me gouging out my eyes, so they apparently isn't anything glaringly wrong with it. :P

Still, seven books... That's quite the undertaking. Since we're hanging with men of the sea, I expect there to be plenty of swashbuckling. Pirates, too. Swashbuckling pirates, swashbuckled pirates. Arr, me hearty.

[Wolery]

Interesting. That's exactly what I wanted.

Now, gotta keep in mind their are two kinds of prophesies: those meant to be fulfilled, and those to be avoided. Really cryptic prophesies like the one above are usually to be fulfilled and the prophesy is given to glorify the deity who gave it afterward. Prophesies to be avoided are like Jonah's words to the Assyrians: the recipient has a choice, usually between following the guidelines of said prophesy or suffering dire consequences. Just keep in mind which type of prophesy this poem is.

Still, I can't comment more without reading a lot more, but it sounds like you're on the right track. Keep it up! :)

[Takoren]

I take it Lanshu is the virgin on the the fast track for divinity, maybe Spit the man of peace supposed to take up his sword.

The poem isn't bad. Admittedly, I'm no poet, but it doesn't have me gouging out my eyes, so they apparently isn't anything glaringly wrong with it. :P

Still, seven books... That's quite the undertaking. Since we're hanging with men of the sea, I expect there to be plenty of swashbuckling. Pirates, too. Swashbuckling pirates, swashbuckled pirates. Arr, me hearty.

Thanks for the...uh...compliment. ;)

As for the swashbuckling, I'm not gonna say there won't be swordplay and pirates, but part of the plot is that the "swordsman" of the group, Spit, doesn't really know how to use his sword and is mostly saved by cowardice, luck or someone else. He will grow to be a decent fighter. He's not at all comic relief, but the hook of the character is that he tries to behave like a hero out of legend and considers himself already a great swordsman, but fails when the opportunity to prove himself appears. There will be growth, certainly.

You are correct, sort of, in both your guesses as to whom the characters in the poem are. The Captain is also the man of peace, and in fact it primarily refers to him. He's ready to retire, he's done soldiering, but the greatest war he'll have to fight lies ahead of him, not behind. When he was a soldier he was a member of an ultra-secret brotherhood, one that he believes has long since been disolved but which is about to be called back into action.

See, I told you there was more than I could explain in a few paragraphs!

[Kreschyboy]

Hey, i like it. Very cryptic, and that's cool. When you keep the Prophetic Poems obscure like this one, it gives the reader the chance to keep guessing at who is who and what is what throughout the novel. I had a pleasurable experience with this reading the Wayfarer Redemption. One thing i would do is rephrase the line with "is" in it. it throws off the mystique In my humble opinion. well, good luck to you.

-Kreschyboy

[James Carmack]

You know one thing that's fun to do with prophecies? Break 'em, just to screw with people. ^o^ No, seriously, there's equal merit in a prophecy being true or false as far as storytelling goes. The latter is nice if you're going for the whole theme of "you determine your own fate". Or you could be like the Matrix and have prophecies be both true and false to make people's heads hurt. ^_^