YoungAuthor
April 2nd, 2008, 07:10 PM
Hey, I'm new here. But I'm not new to writing, I've been writing over a year, and I'm looking to publish my latest book.
Here's a peice of it, please tell me if you think it's good.
You think your time is bad? Come with me to the future, things get worse. Or at least for me, no matter how good I am to people I just can’t seem to milk any good luck out of life. Either that or I used up all of my good luck the short two years of my life before Ted was born. Ted has been a nuisance ever since that day he threw up on me. I was two, he was five days old. It was hate at first sight. Even though I was two, I think I can remember something. Anyway, I have more important things on my mind other than my deranged brother. For once something good happened to me, after five brutal days of school, I was home for the weekend. But there is a downside, as always. I got up this morning, thinking “Grace its Friday!” I walked up onto the sidewalk along with my brother, who looked tense for some reason. We walked into a Jet Bus (A very small aerial transport to school) and strapped in. I sat next to my best friend, Fred, who also looked tense. And he had a stomach ache. Fred usually has those when something bad is going to happen. I asked him what was wrong, he replied “Exams today Jed, I stayed up until five minutes ago studying.” I felt a rush of horror run through my already stressed veins. The capillaries screamed in horror, and my arteries fainted. My left eye involuntarily twitched as perspiration began to form on my brow. I felt my small breakfast of chips and instant juice start to push at my throat. That was bad, I was so caught up in all of the work we have to do for school and the problems in my home that I forgot to study for the exams! But studying isn’t the problem with me. You see, school was recently turned from a school, to an educational movie theatre. I’m serious, you just sit own on your seat in a dark room and the documentary just tells you it all, then you have to answer a large amount of questions on handheld digital pamphlets. I learn this stuff and remember it, my problem is ever since parents started enhancing their kid’s brains and bodies I went from above average to below average, and so they made the exams harder to fit these people’s new brainpower. My parents never gave me any enhancements. Mom said I didn’t need them, and Dad knows that enhancing their child’s brain has serious setbacks, for one the child will have much less emotion, much less respect, and often their personalities are changed. So here I am taking an exam designed for superhuman intelligence. I know that I didn’t do well on it. But the weekend is here, and now I can rest. My large Hand-PC rested on a small table beside my bed. You might think “WOW! A handheld PC!” But seriously, that was obsolete twenty years ago. Eight years before I was even born. People are now fussing over the new Nano-Pamphlet, it’s smaller, cooler looking, and it has over fifteen thousand Gigabytes of free memory space. The handheld PC has five hundred gigabytes. And another mega corporation is developing a Micro Computer, fifty thousand gigabytes of free memory, the most powerful processor mankind has yet seen, and it takes the form of a wristwatch. But I have to settle for a primitive caveman tool. Oh well, at least I’m better off than Ronnie Celesti, all he has is this huge clunky hard drive that was used in the 2050’s. HE has to settle for a monkey tool. I shiver, it’s cold, I look at my clock, it said in swirling colorful letters: 11:15, November 19, 2108. I sigh, I just can’t sleep with that exam in mind. I try to block it out by imagining going on a vacation on the beach, yes… I’ll be sitting on a foldable chair on the soft welcoming sand. The waves would provide a cheerful melody for me, and the comforting warmth will… Aw man, I still can’t stop thinking about that exam. Suddenly I hear a knock at my door, Oh no! It could be my mom, could she have gotten the grade via insta-mail (Instant Email) already! Oh, I’m in trouble, I shakily get out of bed and walk slowly towards the door, I put my hand to the cold, hard, unforgiving doorknob, and pull… Suddenly a hard slap hit my face, I looked down to see myself drenched with paint. The remains of a paint balloon at my feet. Ted is standing there, his brown, short hair, his numerous freckles, and that stupid smile. And then he sprinted off back into his room, and locked himself in there. I wearily stepped back into my room and closed the door. It’s gonna be a rough weekend.
Here's a peice of it, please tell me if you think it's good.
You think your time is bad? Come with me to the future, things get worse. Or at least for me, no matter how good I am to people I just can’t seem to milk any good luck out of life. Either that or I used up all of my good luck the short two years of my life before Ted was born. Ted has been a nuisance ever since that day he threw up on me. I was two, he was five days old. It was hate at first sight. Even though I was two, I think I can remember something. Anyway, I have more important things on my mind other than my deranged brother. For once something good happened to me, after five brutal days of school, I was home for the weekend. But there is a downside, as always. I got up this morning, thinking “Grace its Friday!” I walked up onto the sidewalk along with my brother, who looked tense for some reason. We walked into a Jet Bus (A very small aerial transport to school) and strapped in. I sat next to my best friend, Fred, who also looked tense. And he had a stomach ache. Fred usually has those when something bad is going to happen. I asked him what was wrong, he replied “Exams today Jed, I stayed up until five minutes ago studying.” I felt a rush of horror run through my already stressed veins. The capillaries screamed in horror, and my arteries fainted. My left eye involuntarily twitched as perspiration began to form on my brow. I felt my small breakfast of chips and instant juice start to push at my throat. That was bad, I was so caught up in all of the work we have to do for school and the problems in my home that I forgot to study for the exams! But studying isn’t the problem with me. You see, school was recently turned from a school, to an educational movie theatre. I’m serious, you just sit own on your seat in a dark room and the documentary just tells you it all, then you have to answer a large amount of questions on handheld digital pamphlets. I learn this stuff and remember it, my problem is ever since parents started enhancing their kid’s brains and bodies I went from above average to below average, and so they made the exams harder to fit these people’s new brainpower. My parents never gave me any enhancements. Mom said I didn’t need them, and Dad knows that enhancing their child’s brain has serious setbacks, for one the child will have much less emotion, much less respect, and often their personalities are changed. So here I am taking an exam designed for superhuman intelligence. I know that I didn’t do well on it. But the weekend is here, and now I can rest. My large Hand-PC rested on a small table beside my bed. You might think “WOW! A handheld PC!” But seriously, that was obsolete twenty years ago. Eight years before I was even born. People are now fussing over the new Nano-Pamphlet, it’s smaller, cooler looking, and it has over fifteen thousand Gigabytes of free memory space. The handheld PC has five hundred gigabytes. And another mega corporation is developing a Micro Computer, fifty thousand gigabytes of free memory, the most powerful processor mankind has yet seen, and it takes the form of a wristwatch. But I have to settle for a primitive caveman tool. Oh well, at least I’m better off than Ronnie Celesti, all he has is this huge clunky hard drive that was used in the 2050’s. HE has to settle for a monkey tool. I shiver, it’s cold, I look at my clock, it said in swirling colorful letters: 11:15, November 19, 2108. I sigh, I just can’t sleep with that exam in mind. I try to block it out by imagining going on a vacation on the beach, yes… I’ll be sitting on a foldable chair on the soft welcoming sand. The waves would provide a cheerful melody for me, and the comforting warmth will… Aw man, I still can’t stop thinking about that exam. Suddenly I hear a knock at my door, Oh no! It could be my mom, could she have gotten the grade via insta-mail (Instant Email) already! Oh, I’m in trouble, I shakily get out of bed and walk slowly towards the door, I put my hand to the cold, hard, unforgiving doorknob, and pull… Suddenly a hard slap hit my face, I looked down to see myself drenched with paint. The remains of a paint balloon at my feet. Ted is standing there, his brown, short hair, his numerous freckles, and that stupid smile. And then he sprinted off back into his room, and locked himself in there. I wearily stepped back into my room and closed the door. It’s gonna be a rough weekend.