jbcohen
December 30th, 2001, 04:05 AM
You leave for work in the morning and you tell your wife to "walk in the light".
Sme one makes you mad at school, you put two hands together and start yelling "C-O-m-a-Y-H-A"
You meet your best friend and and say to him "Let's Walk" (Magic: The Gathering - Uzra to Tifari)
Gamlemshagen
December 30th, 2001, 06:57 AM
You start bowing to people.
You start listening to Prog-music
You are convinced that magic is real and if you just consentrate enough you can get next weeks lotto numbers
You start planning your new evil empire and practice in acting like a gentleman Nazi officer.
Bardos
December 30th, 2001, 08:45 AM
(From, www.wotmania.com) (http://www.wotmania.com))
You might be addicted to WoT if...
...you accuse that Tolkien guy of ripping off The Eye of the World.
...you ever think with the hair on your chest. (males only)
...you have a "Whitecloaks Suck!" bumper sticker on your car.
...your Web server's name is "saidin." (that’s me -wotmania)
...you have ever said "Blood and bloody ashes!"
...while checking in at the Motel 6 you offer to juggle and play a flute in the bar in return for a room and some food.
...you refer to chopsticks as "sursa" or coffee as "kaf."
...you have ever "sniffed." (females only)
...your laptop's name is "gholam." (that’s me, too -wotmania)
...you have ever tried to channel the One Power.
...you have ever commented that someone has "well turned calves."
...you have named your "sword that is not a sword" Callandor.
...you get a dog and name it Hopper.
...you dream that you are in Tel’aran’rhiod.
...the worst insult you can think of to call someone is a goat-kissing Trolloc.
...you have ever said "The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills..." to a friend who was complaining.
...you call your chair the Amyrlin Seat.
...you call your posterior the Amyrlin Seat.
...you have ever played Snakes and Foxes.
...you walk into the local bookstore and are told immediately upon entering, "No, it’s not here yet."
...you have ever called someone a "woolhead."
...you have ever scratched the Dragon’s Fang into a neighbor’s door.
...you would do better on a geographic pop quiz of Randland than your home country.
... you get angry when people don't understand your obscure WoT references.
...you maintain a huge website related to WoT. (guess who I’m talking about here)
...you wonder if Pokemon can channel.
...you talk to wolves in the zoo and expect them to answer you.
...the wolves do answer you.
...your significant other had their name legally changed to a WoT name so they can finally get a little attention.
...you have taken the Three Oaths.
...you claim to speak two languages - the other being the Old Tongue.
...you blow every horn you can find, hoping one will be the Horn of Valere.
...you have Robert Jordan’s DNA and a cloning machine, just in case.
...you refuse to stay at a hotel if the manager is skinny.
...you were amazed at how busy the Illuminators must have been last New Year.
...you keep an axe and a hammer under your bed and wake up every morning wondering which you should choose.
...you have reserved space in your bookcase for eight or nine more WoT books, just to be sure you have left enough room.
...you refer to police officers as thiefcatchers.
...you quote WoT in everyday conversation.
...you dream of being tied to the Wheel, to be spun out time and time again.
...you refer to your in-laws as "the Forsaken."
...you can quote page numbers for your favorite WoT theories without opening the books.
...you post so often on the wotmania message board that your friends and family have to respond to your messages to get your attention.
...your last history term paper mentioned the Age of Legends.
...the last time you felt your skin tingle, you looked around to see who was channeling.
...you blame your teenage son for natural disasters because you believe that he can channel.
...you have an old kitchen knife you claim came from Shadar Logoth.
...you quit school to go train at Tar Valon. (females only)
...you frequently call the Pentagon to warn about impending Seanchan invasions.
...while most people report sightings of Elvis, you could have sworn you saw Artur Hawkwing at K-Mart last night.
...you refer to nonsense as "Coplin talk."
...you choose to sheath the sword upon learning of a pop quiz in your calculus class.
...you make sure your will is in order every night before going to sleep, just in case.
...your car is named "Bela."
...when reading Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar" you cannot help but wonder if "Let Slip the Dogs of War" is referring to the Wild Hunt.
...you enter a Ter'angreal into the Science Fair.
...you refer to your professors as "The Forsaken."
...you refuse to speak the name of the Dean, believing that it will call down great evil upon you.
...you scrawled the Dragon's Fang on the door to the cafeteria.
...you dream of a man with fire for eyes and wake up with strange marks on your body.
...you spend hours at music stores, not sure which song you are trying to find.
...YOU TRY TO TALK IN ALL CAPITALS.
...you think the girl/guy you sit next to in history class is Lanfear/Rahvin. (hubba hubba)
...you pledge a sorrority, and pretend you're a novice.
...you speak to your friends in the Old Tongue when you don't want anyone else to know what you're saying.
...you strongly consider naming your first born son Rand.
...you start howling at the moon and telling anyone who inquires that you are a "wolfbrother/sister".
...the words figs and mice come up when you are trying to threaten someone.
...you sit around and think about what Ajah all your friends would be.
...you do stuff that scares you on purpose "in case I'm ever tested for Accepted".
...you call your rifle a shock lance.
...you concentrate on everything when you enter a room to make sure there are no gray men.
...you mumble "Bloody Daes Dae'mar" during every political event on television.
...you are intent on naming at least one of your children after a book character.
...your drunk buddy says "Come on, I'll drive," and the FLAMING DICE START SPINNING IN YOUR HEAD!
...at night you tell your friends the story of the destruction of Manetheren.
...you refuse to buy a new dresser because you can't find one made of sung wood.
...you measure things in hides.
...you secretly practice the sword forms "even though you don't know what they look like" with a broomstick.
...Arthur Hawking appears on PBS, and you start yelling, 'The Return is coming! The Return is coming!"
...on questionnaires, when asked for your age, you give the date you got your sword.
...you order a double oosquai on the rocks at the local bar.
...you ask your wife or girlfriend if she would like to have a sister-wife. (be careful with this one)
...Pizza Hut has to continually remind you that they do not offer ice peppers as a topping.
...you kill every rat and raven you see because you don't want the Dark One to know you're walking in the park.
...you get in a bar fight and attempt to perform "Heron Wades in the Rushes" with a pool cue.
...you are still looking on Amazon.com for a copy of The Travels of Jain Farstrider.
... you ever concentrated on the flame and the void when throwing darts.
...you refer to your campus as Shadar Logoth.
...when on a date the phrase "nine horse hitch" comes up.
...you do research projects for history on "The Rise and Fall of the Ten Nations."
...you are annoyed there is no Old Tongue foreign language class at your school.
Added since 9/26/01.
...Robert Jordan has a 100 mile restraining order on you.
...and it still doesn't keep you away from him.
...your definition of a Schizophrenic is someone who says they hate The Wheel of Time.
...you swear your dog smells like sulphur.
...you try to buy "Taint" from a drug dealer.
...you're still tripping from it.
...you carry around an extendo-sword and hit people at the swimming pool with it, telling them to "Flaming Stay away from the Eye of the World."
...you've ever tried meeting fellow WoT readers in Tel'aran'rhiod.
...you tug your braid in frustration. (females and secure men only)
...you veil your face when your in-laws visit.
...you've ever played "Maiden's Kiss." (Give me a call.-Arok Manok)
...you yell "Carai an Caldazar! Carai al Ellisande! Al Ellisande!" before finals.
...you have nightmares about being caught by Moghedien.
...you tie a black scarf around the neck of your own 'duckling.
...you call light bulbs "glo-bulbs."
...you've ever screamed "I am no Aes Sedai meat!" at the doctor's office.
...you have dreams about people you know swimming in the Waterwood.
...you've made your own Crown of Swords out of tinfoil and toothpicks.
...you look suspiciously at face cards, hoping they won't attack you.
...you insist on having lights everywhere to keep out Myrddraal.
...you have your own gleeman's cloak. (and several other cloaks with holes in them.--Arok Manok)
...you've paid a gold mark for your own "Crocodile Dundee" hat from a trader.
...you cruise antique stores, looking for angreal and sa'angreal.
...you wear a foxhead medallion to the principal's office.
...your contacts are golden yellow.
...you have ever, ever used a fish or boat analogy.
...you believe Tupperware is the cuendillar of this Age (after all, stuck food only makes it stronger).
...you turn down dates by saying you have a private war against the Shadow.
...you call your mother a Questioner.
...you hide your children when repairmen or people in loud clothes come to visit.
...your pottery teacher gets suspicious when all you make are these seven disks, and then break them, one by one.
...you weep openly when you see a logging truck. (or you could be Al Gore.--Arok Manok)
...you rent a sweat tent for your next party.
...you've ever quoted Lini in everyday conversation.
...you practice not letting heat touch you. (constantly.--Arok)
...When a friend is having trouble doing something, you offer to help her "break her block" through whatever means necessary.
Thanks for all of those Arylaina (28 of em!).
...you start comparing your past girlfriends to Rand's women. (both looks and attitude)
...you exclaim to your date, "You're wearing an Ebu Dari dress!"
...you go into the departmennt store and ask for "Stout Two Rivers woolens."
...you get mad when you find out Artur Haukwing is not mentioned in you history book.
...you start calling nuns Aes Sedai.
...you assume the Void before an exam.
...you seriously consider tattoing dragons on your arms.
...you constantly feel the need to point out clues that present day Earth is one of the ages in Randland; the Mercedes symbol in the Panarch's palace, "Lenn flying to the moon in the belly of an eagle made of fire" being John Glenn's moon trip combined with the popular moon landing phrase "the eagle has landed" or that "Anla the Wise Counselor" is secretly Ann Landers. (somebody's got a bone to pick...--Arok)
...you decide to name your daughter Nynaeve (your wife agrees, but only because it sounds prettier than Egwene, Dagdara, or Vandene... your first three choices).
...you actually did name a child after a charater in the series.
...you wake up thinking "I have to find Rand." (I do!--Arok)
...you try to think of ways to force people to read The Wheel of Time. (for they're own good of course.)
...on every newsgroup your name ends in Sedai.
...you hope that The Lord of Rings movie does well so that they can make The Wheel of Time movies. (is this humorous?) (No.--Arok)
...you want to know why on Baby Name data bases under the name Matt is Matrim not listed as an alternate spelling. (and you actually e-mail the editor with that information)
The following added on 10/14/01.
...you begin to think of everyone around you as merely "useful."
...You can't figure out what they're useful for.
...you glare at random persons hoping to influence their behavior, and all you get is thumped for your efforts.
...you think the guy in the hotel commercial is right: when confronted with an angry bear, you SHOULD box his ears.
...you have been thrown out of the zoo for asking the information desk "where the 'boar horses' might be?"
...you have ever lectured someone who has offended you about their lack of ji.
...your lecture ended in the presentation to the perpetrator of a white robe with "gai'shain" stitched in 6 inch letters on the back and a demand for demureness for a year and a day.
...All of your favorite clothes match your ajah.
...you HAVE an ajah.
...you give all the credit for earning intramural softball MVP honors to your bat that is not a bat.
...you convince yourself that you are not committing perjury if the truth you speak isn't necessarily the truth others think they hear.
...you get stranded in Bologna, Italy when you refuse to give up looking for the "leaning Tower of Ghenji," even though your tour guide just shakes her head, muttering something about a "woolhead" and "men."(You too?--Arok)
...you beg your sister to spend at least ONE day of her vacation in Fin(n)land looking for a stately woman with a regal nature and most likely wearing blue.
...you order your subordinates to run 50 laps around the office naked, for their insolent transgressions.
...you think that's legal.
...you think Compulsion will get you out of the speeding ticket you just got.
...you still think that after your first attempt at "Compulsion" got you a ticket instead of the warning you were about to get.
...you have been involved in altercations with 2 moms and a babysitter for setting their child "free" from those silver phone-cord leashes.
Thanks for all of those, Brother to Battles!
...sometimes when you and your friends are hanging out, you try to catch underlying meanings in their words; to see where their loyalties lie.
...you call all dogs "wolfbrother".
...whenever you see a bee, you yell "Hail! What news from Illian?"
...you grow your hair long and tie bells in it. (Men)
...Whenever your car enters a tunnel, you tell your dad "We must go through and leave quickly. The Black Wind specifically hunts out Volkswagons in the Ways." (Good one!-Arok)
...you see someone with a ying-yang on their clothing, you bend one knee and ask them their Ajah.
...you carry a gray shawl around in your pocket; just in case someone gets in an argument.
...you have the next three books in the series on hold with an "insider" at your nearest bookstore.
...whenever you see a nice-looking guy, you nudge your friend and say "has Galad been reborn already?" (Women)
...you repeatedly asked that one circus clown to make you a sword - and only out of one of the clear balloons.
...you actually have dreams that you are entering others' dreams. (Did anyone else notice that Freddy Krueger can dreamwalk?-Arok)
...you have systematically run through your characteristics and have decided that you could easily be a Hero of the Horn reborn.
...you call your family "The Blood".
...whenever your parents come home from work, you open the door and ask them "Has the Corenne come then?" When they shake their heads and roll their eyes, you say "Then I will watch; and wait."
...when at the hospital, you notice that, strangely, none of the nurses are wearing yellow.
...you frequently visit skyscrapers in town, asking to be "tested".
...you refuse to go near a microwave, stating that "a ter'angreal is not something to be used idly.”
Thanks for all of those, Ashaman Nash.
...you ever find yourself wondering if the new lady on the street is really an Aes Sedai looking for ta’verens to take away?
The following added on 11/03/01.
...anytime you feel a tingling, you wonder if a woman is channeling nearby, and you wish you had a foxhead medallion
...anytime you see a man and a woman together, you immediately associate them as Aes Sedai and Warder.
...at the end of a long day, you're ready for a nice sweat bath.
...anytime a woman approaches, you fall into defensive mode because you just know she'll try to boss you around.
...anytime you offend someone, you tell them that you have toh to them.
...you leave the lights on at night so as to keep Myrddraal at bay.
...anytime you find a language expert, you wonder if he knows the Old Tongue.
...you lay your finger along your nose, along with other mannerisms that I have truthfully never seen anyone do except in WOT.
...you experience a drought, you wonder if the seals are weakening.
...anytime you get lucky, you expect to hear dice rattling in your head.
...anytime women are around you, you try to chase them away so they won't die.
...you try to Listen to the Wind.
...anytime you see great works of architecture, you wonder if it was Ogier-built.
...you try Treesinging on your plants to make them grow.
...you panic anytime you see thirteen women and expect to hear Lews Therin in your head.
...you judge a girl's beauty by her ankles now, instead of the other areas that you used to notice.
...anytime you can't remember something, you wonder if balefire has been used.
...anytime a politician rises too fast, you wonder if he or she is one of the Forsaken.
...you take expeditions into Canada to find out exactly where Shayol Ghul is. (if you live in the US) (Huh?--Arok)
...you bow too much.
...when someone deserts the army, you wonder if he is going to join the Shaido.
...when someone causes change, you wonder if he's ta'veren.
...you hunt the wilderness for stedding.
...you begin telling people distances in spans and paces, instead of the measurements we use today.
Thanks for all of those, Asmodean15.
...you have three goldfish called Mat, Perrin and Rand.
...you go to four signing sessions in one week.
...everyone in your class knows the Prophecies of the Dragon, without having even read the WoT series.
...people in a fantasy & science fiction chatroom warn others about you.
...you have joined a Nynaeve fanclub.
...all your schoolbooks are covered with quotes from the Wheel of Time.
...you're thinking on a way to get rid of your classmate Samuel because you misheard his name.
...you marry a man named Aybara and call your son Perrin, without telling your husband about the WoT.
...you go to a signing session and the first word Robert Jordan says to anyone is your name.
...you have ever been to the Swedish city of Kiruna.
The following added on 11/10/01.
...you expect to be able to buy ‘any horse in the Two Rivers’ with a silver penny.
...you strike out at anyone you didn’t notice at first because you think it’s a gray man.
...sometimes it is a gray man.
...you rent a ‘fox head’ medallion from the Aelfinn and run screaming into a gymnastics competition screaming “BLOODY GHOLAM!”
...you ruin your mum’s best cutlery smacking it against tree trunks to see if the knifes are power–wrought.
...you’re suspicious of anyone knocking on the door in the evening because you’re nearest neighbor lives an hour away by daylight.
...you have a small cult in your school that is devoted to the Wheel of Time, and lives by ji’e’toh.
...this cult constantly has battles with the Tolkien cult from across the class room (the teacher doesn’t know--shadow spawn can’t see the weaves.)
...when any one says magic, you jump up and scream CHANNELING!!!!!!!!
...you’ve read Wheel of Time more than 3 times (sad, I know, but I know I have)(Bwah Ha ha! I’ve read it at least five times.--Arok)
...you refer to the one who introduced you to the books as the creator.
...you refer to the creator as Bela.
...so theoretically, you’re calling your mate a horse.
...you visit wotmania once a day just because you want to take part in the quick poll. (like you’d make a difference)
...you finish each sentence to your elders with ‘Aes Sedai.’
...you call that bucket of rainwater at the back of the garden Dumais Wells.
...you ask at the toyshop for ‘snakes and foxes.’
...you refer to checkers as ‘stones.’
...you call spiders ‘the Brotherhood of Moghedian.’
...you have tried to construct the horn of Valere from old toilet roll tubes.
...you looked what MS Word thought of the word ‘wotmania’ in the spell check.
...you try to convince all your classmates that the kid Randy is really the Dragon Reborn and that they should all obey without question.
...whenever you hear of an earthquake, you growl "Burn you, Rand," under your breath.
...every time you light your pipe, you complain about not having good Two Rivers Tabac.
...every time you sit at a busy intersection, you say "time to toss the dice" before cutting off a truck three times bigger than you.
...you wonder why your doctor can't Heal you without leaving a scar
...you refuse to have mirrors in your room in case you reflection attacks you.
...you accuse your Math teacher of being a Darkfriend when he gives a hard test.
...you wish you could be Lews Therin just to have Lanfear obsessed with you.
...you shake your head ruefully at every Thunder and lightning storm, wondering what trickery the White Tower is up to now.
...you wonder how many politicians dance on Tar Valon puppet strings.
...you're flunking out of college, and yet whenever you take a WoT quiz, you make a perfect 100.
...you blame irrational behavior on "the Taint."
...on an average day, more than 75% of your waking thoughts are about WoT.
The following added on 11/17/01.
...you've ever handed someone a pipe, and told them to swear on it.
...you get extremely mad when people ask you "what is that book about?"
...you sat there and read an entire page of WoT jokes
...you ever fell off of a wall while trying to get a glimpse of the queen
...you've ever sworn fealty to anyone or anything
...you’ve ever thought that Disney's 'The Word in the Stone' was just a big rip-off
...you pick out every little inaccuracy on a WoT book cover
...you've ever shot down birds because they might tell the myrddraal.
...you refer to Maine as Shienar
...in bad weather, you've ever gone searching for the bowl of the winds
...you sometimes feel Moridin stroking your soul...
...you think you're computer's mouse is some kind of ter'angreal
...you ever drew the Great Serpent and the Wheel symbols for an art project
...you’ve ever wondered why they don't just nuke Shayol Ghul
...you’ve ever thought "what's up the Dark One's ass?"
...you've ever referred to any WoT character as 'hot'
Thanks for all of those, Soadist.
...on Halloween you and your significant other dress up as Warder & Aes Sedai.
The following added on 12/09/01.
...you find yourself singing, "Trust me said the Aes Sedai, on my shoulders I support the sky..."
...you spend more time in Randland than you do in your school/work.
...you frequent sites such as wotmania and Dragonmount.
...you walk around with a sign reading, "The Last Battle is Coming."
...you can tell within a paragraph where each sentence in the WoT Series is located.
...you can find nearly every scene of significance within 3 minutes (I'm getting there by the way) (Minutes? Does that include getting the book off of the shelf?--Arok)
...you know the characters better than RJ.
...on your Geography test you teacher writes a note asking, "Since when was Cairhien the capital of France?"
...you find yourself wondering why your stupid Geography teacher doesn't know where, let alone what Cairhien is.
...you begin calling every tattletale and goody goody around a Whitecloak.
...you refer to the principal's office as the Dome of Truth.
...you have your last name changed to Al'Thor, Cauthon, Aybara, al'Vere, Trakand, Damodred, Sanche, etc.
Thanks for all of those, Lord Tiger VII!
...you've tried lighting your oil lamp by channeling.
...you swear an oak tree branch that's been cleaned down to bare wood is the Oath Rod.
...you claim that you had your ability burned out, so you can't show any cool tricks.
...you've gone to a desert looking for Rhuidean.
...you can't wait for the next peddler to come to town.
...you want a blacksmith to make all your tools.
...you look forward to Bel Tine and Winternight, though you are still wary about Trollocs.
...you wear a small gold chain in your hair with a small blue stone (female).
...you refer to your cell phone as a ter'angreal.
...you've tried to bond a Warder.
...you've bonded him and all he gives you is grief.
...you've tried on dresses and wondered if Berelain has the same one (female, and VERY secure men).
...you wonder if Traveling would be faster than driving.
...you have a small carving of a hedgehog that you are waiting to put into your bosses office.
...you are used to eating dried meat and cheese while traveling.
...you try to decide if hairy men look more like Trollocs or Ogier.
Thanks for all of those, Evilan Mercilan!
...you hum and thumb your earlobes every time a good-looking girl/guy walks past.
...you consider any of the things on this list to be virtues rather than warning signs.
...you try to balefire you homework so you could say that you never got any.
...you call Mexico the Land of Mad Men.
...you go trick or treating in your regular clothes, and when people ask you what you are, you say, "I'm a Darkfriend. But don't say anything. Nobody knows!" Lazy, lazy you.
...you insist that you are the Dragon Reborn "That Rand al'Thor's an imposter! Imposter I tell you!"
...you insist that you are Bela Reborn.
...you wear a shirt that says "I went to Rhuidean and all I got were these lousy tattoos."
[This message has been edited by Bardos (edited December 30, 2001).]
Shehzad
December 30th, 2001, 09:19 AM
(Someone's gonna get it from the mods.... http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif)
...you start posting to topics like this...
Rob B
December 30th, 2001, 11:00 AM
...you make a HUGE post that takes a gazillion scrols...
..you forget how to spell LITERATURE (only 1 t)...
Bardos
December 30th, 2001, 11:05 AM
"Scrolls" needs 2 L. ;-P
http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/biggrin.gif
Sorry, for the long post FF, but it seemed suitable, and I couldn't put a direct link to it, b/c all the pages in wotmania have url: www.wotmani.com (http://www.wotmani.com) http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/frown.gif
Qin
December 30th, 2001, 11:11 AM
Here's the link you wanted Bardos:
http://35.10.40.62/wotmania/humordb.asp?ID=4
Just right click on your mouse and choose the option 'Copy Shortcut.' Then paste it wherever and you'll see the full url.
estranghero
December 30th, 2001, 03:57 PM
You get (place really long fantasy series name here) withdrawal symptoms...
You go around sites asking complete strangers (or read their unedited opinions) what other books to read/ look for...
Wait a minute, where the hell am I again...?
http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/wink.gif http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/wink.gif
Cadfael
December 30th, 2001, 04:07 PM
You begin to over anylise the books you read... calling Tolkien and Rowling's both racist... searching for hidden meanings... you suddenly jump to you feet in you local pub and shout "I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn"... you call your three sons Merry, Pippin and Fitz (I am convinced the youngest is not mine... hell child!!!)
Forgetting you ARE reading fantasy
Oh God... I am a bitch! Sorry brothers and sisters... I just could not resist http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif
Qin
December 30th, 2001, 07:41 PM
....you'd rather read a fantasy novel than have sex? http://www.sffworld.com/ubb/smile.gif
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