[Unchainedwriter]

Hello, I am E.M. Lien the unchained writer with an idea that I wish for this forum to critique.

Series name:The Stone Trilogy

The series is set in the Kingdom of Stone, a country ruled by the eccentric tyrant Aravan Stone.Stone is beloved by his people, Which consist of the Humans, the elves, and the Harpies.However, the dwarves, the dragons and the Anataa(insectlike beings) and a slew of other species are not as content .

Thus, a Liabane(Shapeshifters powerful in magic) named Weystrong Hatta joined the aforementioned races into one force that he named the alliance of Beolve after the ruler of the kingdom before Stone.

Thus Ashwood, a young boy from the King's capital of Tavoc learns finds the kings hidden slaves, the unchained ones(Bestial humans) imprisoned in his dungeon, he is awakened to the atrocities his king has committed and must make a choice that will determine the fate of the world forever.

You are now free to critique.

[Rayenae]

I think your story idea is nice, but not enough to carry over in to a good story unless you write it really well. Going only by what you've posted it seems a little safe and predictable, but I think great writing, characters, and some real plot twists could make it into something more.

Basically, I think it's a great skeleton, now you just need throw some meat on them ol' bones!

/first post \o/
//EDIT: er.. MY first post is what I meant

[Aneurin de Batz]

"Kingdom of Stone"? "Aravan Stone"? "Weystrong Hatta"? "Ashwood"?

Could you not have thought of something a little more... imaginative? I never like names like that; they always irritate me.

Other than that, there's nothing major wrong - but it sounds rather clichéd. The discovers-something-terrible-and-turns-on-the-ruler-who-commited-it plot is rather a common one.

However, if you're hapy with that, then what does it amtter what I think? I may not share the opinions of the majority - and if you write it well enough, then quite frankly the plot matters less. If you apply some interesting twists to the story, and make the characters engaging, then you can probably get away with some quite large sins in your plot.

As it is it just sounds a bit seen-it-all-before. I'll still be interested to see what you do with it, though.

[goldhawk]

Huh? I am the only one having trouble reading the OP? Just what is s/he saying?

[kmtolan]

Fraid there's not much to critique here. This could be any run of the mill fantasy story.

You want to do something original, then I happily challenge you try something without elves, shape changers, vampires, dragons, and the other drek that is about as common as house flies in summer.

I bet folks are out there screaming for something new...and you could be the one to come up with it.

There is magic in a single moss-covered stone. A silent something waiting at the cross roads. Tingling that comes with twilight. Sometimes, you need to look beyond farie to find out what makes these concepts so popular.

Kerry

[Aneurin de Batz]

Seeing as we're onto stopping this being generic ideas, here are mine;

Get rid of the elves and dwarves unless you have something really special in mind for them... everything else would be fine, if you added your own twist to it, but... elves and dwarves are over used, it'd be VERY hard to put your own twist on them... especially as you're having them in conflict with one another.

I do, however, rather like the use of harpies as a fully sentient and social race, rather than screaming monsters.

But seriously - get some better names... Kingdom of Stone is fine, but not if it's ruled by someone who's called Stone. Named after the ruler is fine, named after some kind of material also fine - but not both, it's just too much. If you don't use Stone as the name for your ruler, then Ashwood's more or less okay, because it doesn't seem like you're naming all your characters/places after some form of material. Weystrong Hatta's jsut way out as far as I'm concerned... I instantly think "Way Strong Hatter", which is just.... no! I appreciate this may not have been the source - or could have been your intention, but I really advise changing it to something else.

Anyway... sorry to have basically reiterated my last post in greater detail here, but it seemed worth clarifying.

[Holbrook]

An idea is just that, an Idea. The crunch is can you create a story that will make the readers want to find out more about your characters and world.

To be honest it is not about including Elves, Dwarves, or Orcs that were ballet shoes. It is not about strange and wonderful names for places. It is about creating a story people want to read. And if you are serious about getting published it is about creating not only a great story, but one that can hold and capture the interest of an agent/publisher and be commerical to boot. Sometimes a great story and being commerical do not go hand in hand.

The main thing to do if you are starting out is get your story down, no matter how bad it turns out to be, write it! You learn a lot be actually writing it. Often you can spend so much time talking about the idea that you lose interest, or worse never get to write even the first page of the thing.

[benh]

I agree with the majority in this thread. Elves, dwarves, etc. bore me to tears. But that's me. If you find them interesting than for all the world, write about them. It is your book afterall. Just keep in mind what the people in this thread have said.

The Anataa sound really sweet.