[NilsDesperandum]

Please read all the entries for this months Flashback themed writing contest before casting your vote accordingly.

The links to the stories are here:

1. Origins: Dan Bieger (http://sffworld.com/community/story/3461p0.html)

2. Remembrance: Nils Durban (http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/3460p0.html)

3. Her Nightmare: Roe Radiant (http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/3463p0.html)

4. La Theatre d'Moloch: Christopher Alen F. (http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/3465p0.html)

5. Distance: Sean Regan (http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/3467p0.html)

6. Rainbirth: Steve Jones (http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/3470p0.html)

7. Reflections in Dark Water: J.C. Hill (http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/3473p0.html)


8. The Crown: Tristis Ward (http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/3477p0.html)


9. The Tao of Coyote: Pete Warner (http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/3479p0.html)


10. Over There: Jim Washburn (http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/3482p0.html)


11. The Master's Reason: Era Millings (http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/3485p0.html)

Poll closes on 31st January whereupon one member of this highly esteemed society will be presented with the freedom of their City and, as a bonus, the honour of hosting the next competition.

Good luck to all, and remember:

your vote counts, so use it (even if you didn't get around to entering)

ND

[Nerro]

A kingdom, A kingdom for a poll!

[NilsDesperandum]

And then, as if by magic, a poll appeared.

[Black.Rose.Sin]

-trudges into thread in despair- Alas, the poll as been formed. At hark- look at the empty space where my name could have been...-dramatic collapse onto the floor- Why, O Mighty Muse? Why must ye betray me like this? -dramatic sob-

Ok, enough of that. Can I post mine (when it is done) in this thread, or the other thread? -GASP-:eek: Can I post it at all? Oh, the torment! -bangs head against wall-

[Tristis]

Wow, that was hard. These were really good stories. I could have easily voted for a couple of others. Still, I stand by my vote. I was blown away.

[Hereford Eye]

Reactions and vote:
Remembrance – another competent story exhibiting excellent use of the flashback. Lots of emotion packed in.

Her Nightmare – another competent exercise in the genre.

La Theatre d’Moloch – ah, the dance! But, then, the confusions. So un-FK like to discover a use of ‘regales’ that jars rather than satisfies. The vision of energy, all energy, yet the utter lack of energy within the theatre. Contradiction? Go back and re-read the first description of the theatre. The name of the theatre hangs on the building but not provided until the end of the story.
Now, at the end, we get to contemplate the theatre itself. The dark god Moloch demanding sacrifice of what: The audience’s enthusiastic approval energy or the audience’s very life energy.? Yet, if it were the latter how could the theatre endure past a single performance?

Distance – nostalgia done well. There are folk who cannot let go of the past; I know a few. Consider a 50 year re-union from that high school. Who will attend and why? This man will.

Rainbirth –
“You are the prettiest woman I’ve ever seen.” Are there men who talk like that, use ‘pretty’ vice ‘beautiful’? I can hear women talking like that; they use the word a lot but in my recall: men not so much. OTOH, “she was the tallest, loveliest blue woman…” sounds absolutely perfect. But, then she says: “I once had the loveliest green eyes…” Narcisism? For her to make the claim feels wrong.
“He was cursed that every woman he met had a father.” Don’t they all!
But, best of all: “Elak had never really wanted to be a soldier in the first place.”

Reflections in Dark Water – “He wouldn’t be called a coward, not even for her.” Back in the day, I never heard a draftee explain that he worried over being called a coward. Being locked up, being excoriated by his community, being forced to go North, yes; but, being called a coward? Most explained the law was the law and that was that.
As to the story itself, well written and plotted.

The Crown – high and low tech side by side. The wars fought with blades but the punishment with technology. For me, that needs a rationale not provided. But, otherwise, well written.

The Tao of Coyote – ‘in the shade of a cactus tree” the natives never refer to a cactus ‘tree.’ A cactus is just a cactus.
But, thank you for giving the coyote his first and only victory. It’s been a long time coming.

Over There – another one of memories. I recommend you look at the first and last paragraph of the flashback. Why are these 3d person when the rest of flash back is 1st person memory? And, more importantly, there was no way the Cowboys were ever going to make it to the Championship; I don’t blame him for going home to Abby.

The Master’s Reason – found myself intrigued by the little girl wanting to know much, much more of how she came to be there. But, flash fiction provides little room for back story. So, here’s the confusion I end up with: how was Leland affected by the little girl? Did he dismiss her out of hand: “Some, I will be too late to save. Some will not want my help.”? Or did he reach an epiphany: “every person has a right to a belief that one day, things shall be better.” Or, did he just realize his own need: “I want the belief of the people I will serve.” It’s all there in that paragraph but I am too dense make it plain.

So, who do I vote for? I am drawn to the humor The Tao of Coyote but I think that there are better examples of flashback. Consider that there should be a story in the base time period prior to the flashback. In my own effort, this never happens, simply flashback piled upon flash back. That was purposeful but not truly according to the rules. So, the best effort according to the rules? I compare Remembrance, Distance and The Crown and wind up letting my emotions get the better of me. The Crown.

[Black.Rose.Sin]

MMk, it's me! Even though I am SOO late, I still want people to read mine as if it was still in the contest- though don't vote for me! :D Wow, that sounded strange...;)

I would greatly appreciate comments!

Thanks!

Sid

Link: http://www.sffworld.com/community/story/3488p0.html

[Mistress Maerad]

Since I'm a tad lazy, just decided to post a sentence about each story. They were all exceptional, and I'm pleased to say there were hardly any significant grammatical issues! :D (They...annoy me, to say the least...;)) Wasn't really doing any critiquing, only writing original opinion...

Also, did anyone notice that the presence of a young girl was in at least half of the entries? :D:rolleyes:

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Origins by Dan Bieger: Thought provoking, and sticks to the theme as a series of flashbacks – a unique read.

Remembrance by Nils Durban: Tragic romance, yet not clichéd, although would have liked to know a bit more about the whole scenario – of course, it is flash fiction…;)

Her Nightmare by Roe Radiant: Oh dear, talk about horror (poor girl…:() – yet it causes wonder in debating whether life is one big nightmare…especially for werewolves.

La Theatre d’Moloch by Christopher Alen F.: Vague in meaning, but I enjoyed it – beautiful vocabulary, I might add.

Distance by Sean Reagan: Oooh, a twist in making the girl not his wife, which I liked: a good depiction through the dialogue of his love for his family, though, and nice transitions.

Rainbirth by Steve Jones: Sudden ending, which was disappointing– only because I was enjoying it so much, with its combined humor and an interesting plot.

Reflections in Dark Water by J.C. Hill: Combination of both characters and their opposing thoughts was intriguing.

The Crown by Tristis Ward: A horrible thing to murder someone even relatively close to you, even worse to have to live through it, I suppose…a fine, poignant tale.

The Tao of Coyote by Pete Warner: A resemblance to the cartoon, no doubt – but a different ending, one I think we’ve all been waiting for. ;)

Over There by Jim Washburn: I’ll fall for any tale with the Steelers mentioned :D but this was a story highlighting how horrible war really is, and how truly unforgettable.

The Master’s Reason by Era Millings: Vary sentence structure more often. Clarify what exactly the flashback is in this story. Has potential, but in time…

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Again, wonderful job to all the contestants! :)

[Black.Rose.Sin]

Did you just write something for your own entry? Oh, D.E...XD

[Mistress Maerad]

yes, i did...only to illustrate some of the things i realize i did incorrectly -pounds keys in frustration- oh, the horror of writing late at night....;)

Here's a sentence for yours, Double B:

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Bonding by Sid Arbaon: Very sweet, and I enjoyed the last sentences as well - although perhaps a little more could have been given to the flashbacks actually occurring, to better stick with the theme.
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And to Hereford Eye:

You're not dense in any way, shape, or form. ;) I find that my writing tends to the impressionistic side - in other words, I really don't make things clear half the time, resulting in a confusing tale. However, in my own opinion, I believe that it is a combination of all those things, except for dismissing her...I didn't imagine Leland as the heartless type. :eek: ;)

Leland felt that the girl was one unfortunate soul in a land that had been reaped of all that was well and good, and wanted desperately to help others like her, as his job required, but also as he saw fit. He wanted the people to know they could count on him to do his best to help them all, no matter the odds place against him. Mostly, I think, it was an epiphany, if I were to choose one of your statements, since all his reasonings in that paragraph bring him to the firm belief of what he was made to do.

Thank you for your words and time! I love all this feedback. :D