[Nayar Olan]

Hey all,

I have a quick blurb for a story I'm self-publishing this month. Just looking for any feedback I can get, since, as we all know, the blurb is ever so important.

Blurb:

The American dream is dead along with most Americans. An entire generation wonders what the $&!@ to do now. The factories are closed, gas is outlawed, the power lines are relics of another age, and you'll eat if you can grow food. The governing class is only seen before an election, and even the police have a general disregard for the law. This is the world of James Mann. This is Vermont in 2068.

James doesn't care if its all going down; the headaches come at random, and he has no idea where he goes at night. He had always put his faith in science, but now he sees things he couldn't possibly know, including visions of his knife committing murder.

[tmso]

I think the blurb wrap up needs a little work, but otherwise, I thought it was pretty good. I'm sure folks with more experience can help out with the details. Good luck with your book! :)

[kmtolan]

Funny how I first thought you were talking about 2010, but oh well. I love how your blurb starts, but some brevity is in order me-thinks to sharpen the drama and reduce a little vagueness.

The American dream is dead along with most Americans. The factories are closed, gas is outlawed, and you'll eat if you can grow food. This is the world of James Mann. This is Vermont in 2068.

James doesn't care; the headaches come at random, and he has no idea where he goes at night. And then there are the visions...


Kerry

[Lotus_Meristem]

It's interesting, for sure, but a little short. Maybe a little more about James or where he's heading, or at least a tiny hint of what cause 2068 to look the way it did. Not blunty, just not so vaguely.

[Nayar Olan]

I guess public opinion is mixed. Maybe longer, maybe shorter. Maybe more info, or maybe more vague. Hmmmm.

Tmso, I agree the last sentence needs to be worked some more.

Kmtolan, I think you are right about losing that sentence in the first paragraph. I like that it is shorter and the emphasis is not on the setting, but the main character.

Lotus, I'm hesitant to give much more info, because this is a blurb for the back cover; I want it to be quick and not give too much away--it is also a mystery, after all. And to me, the blurb should make someone curious. As far as what made things go wrong for 2068, it's not anything so unique so I don't really want to highlight it. It's not critically important to the story, though it is to the setting, I suppose. The answer by the way is environmental anomaly begets worldwide economic Armageddon begets war begets famine begets virus. The combination would be a real population killer, I think.

Thank you all for helping me out. I think I'm closer.

So, this is Version 2.0:

The American dream is dead along with most Americans. An entire generation wonders what the $&!@ to do now. The factories are closed, gas is outlawed, power lines are the relics of another age, and food is available if you can grow it. This is the world of James Mann. This is Vermont in 2068.

James doesn't care if the world is going down; the headaches come at random, and he has no idea where he goes at night. Precognitive visions haunt him, and always end with his knife killing the same man. He never wanted to murder anyone before except Radcliff Pitts, the man of his visions, and the one man who deserves it. But before James can figure out whether he's a murderer or not, the evidence speaks for itself. Rad is dead.