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Feacus Fidelle
July 13th, 2002, 07:48 PM
My newest story, A Mother's Affection (http://www.sffworld.com/authors/f/fidelle_feacus/fiction/amothersaffection1.html), is now on the site under the author Feacus Fidelle.

It is about 500 words and shouldn't take more than a few seconds to read.

I am asking for anyone who has the time to read my story and give it a rating.

Thank you. :)

P.S.--STRONG WARNING ON GORE AND PROFANITY.

Erebus
July 13th, 2002, 10:11 PM
This was something a bit different from you, FF: a quick piece of flash fiction with a twist in the tale, a format I like a lot! Though I enjoyed its shortness, I think the story could also be fleshed out to say maybe a 1000 words, where you would have a little more space to build some more tension for the final revelation. But, as it is, it's a very easy to read and surprising little tale. Well done! :)

PS: I added a link above to help people find the story.

Shef
July 14th, 2002, 12:21 PM
I read it, rated it, and enjoyed the twist.

Nice and concise, just like your tale

SirRob
July 14th, 2002, 05:15 PM
Uuuh you sick freak. That was pretty good though, very well written with an interesting twist.

Cadfael
July 15th, 2002, 12:43 AM
Pheacus... I have always said you have talent, and this shows it. I agree it could be 'fleshed' out a bit... but you do have something I respect in a writer... the ability to convey loads of meaning... in a few words.

A four from me, only because I think it is a lttle short... not on imagery... but content.

Feacus Fidelle
July 15th, 2002, 12:49 AM
Thanks Cadfael. I honestly didn't realize that having a short story be "too short" could be a problem, but now that I do I'll definitely fix that in stories to come. BTW, my next, next story is going to be the first one I REALLY focus on. The one I'm about the publish about the cakes is just a whim.

Alucard
July 15th, 2002, 02:21 AM
I enjoyed this, feacus. Concise and gross, a good combination. And contrary to popular opinion, I think it works well at this length. Sure, you could flesh it out and it would still read well, but I also think you could leave it as it is. Because with short stories, open-endings and quick glimpses into an event are perfectly okay (one of my favorite short stories is only a hundred words). But either way, I dug this. Good job.

Jack Burton
July 15th, 2002, 02:46 AM
Good job....the first person narrative has always been one of my favorites..works well with this story..coulda been a tad longer..but overall, good job..when I write, I have a tendency to be a little too wordy.

Cadfael
July 16th, 2002, 10:35 AM
I honestly didn't realize that having a short story be "too short" could be a problem

Don't get me wrong... the story is bloody good as it stands... but if fleshed out that would be icing on the cake.

:D

Sonja Ravenscroft
July 16th, 2002, 11:54 AM
I enjoyed the twist ending....

I also applaud how you threw right into it at the beginning of the story. Got the interest right away:) The structure was good, and I've never been able to write a story in 500 words, so much kudos!