[meandering soul]

Here is one of the scenes from the novel I am writing. So far I have four or five scenes, and eventually (once I get a chance to write more) I am going to work on the entire novel as opposed to scenes. Which of course means the scenes are very well subject to change.

I just wanted to let people see and get some opinions.

Here is one of the scenes I like the most, so far.

Raif - Rites of Passage (v2) (http://www.fallenlights.net/brokenshadow/novel/archives/000288.html)

There are more there, in my journal, if you want to take a peek at those as well.

[Shanoncia]

Great job! :D What you working on scenes for? Come on! Write the novel Meandering Soul.

[meandering soul]

Yeah, you are so right. I need to just sit down and do it. Just write it.

I need to design the world or something first though. And set up the pantheon of the gods. I am thinking of a pantheon created taking a bit from celtic and greek mythologies and such.

So I need to get out to a library or book store and start my research.

[Giroth]

very nice!
Sometime I should put up some of The Dragonking's Sword for people to read:)

[choppy]

Meandering Soul,

This scene (or chapter) struck me as very metaphorical. What you've done is generated a world or world within a world where the metaphor becomes physical. I think that the turmoil of Raif within himself is a tough theme to deal with and you tackled it well.

I think as far as the rest of the story goes you have a good deal of potential for Raif's internal conflict. One thing you may want to think about (keep in mind I have no idea at which point in the story this scene is set) is that once this point is over - Raif seems to have conquored the hatred within himself (both metaphorically and literally). It would be best to place this at the end, because afterwards - what more is there to conquor? (His father, I suppose?)

Something else to consider is the line "this is your destiny." It was in there a couple of times and no doubt a significant part of the theme. What does this mean for the reader though? It sounds kind of mysical and stuff, which is good in a fantasy setting, but I see this kind of thing often. I don't think it really generates much suspense and in fact - if someone already knew this was going to happen - it kind of takes away from the suspense. (Others would disagree with me.)

Overall nice job.

Keep writing!