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Holbrook
August 3rd, 2002, 05:40 PM
Hi, the second chapter of my novel is up on the site

It has a warning up with it, not suitable for under 18's

So that should give you a hint as to its nature, the first chapter was a lot lighter. In this one the violence and language etc is not suitable, so abide by the site rules folks , thanks.


http://www.sffworld.com/authors/a/adams_holbrook/fiction/hatmanp2p1.html


Any feed back would be useful, it has though since this was submitted been tweaked a bit both by my editor and myself...

Miriamele
August 3rd, 2002, 08:31 PM
I just finished reading Chapter 2 and I really liked it!

But why did it get an adult rating? Is it because of this sentence:


He shot out of his makeshift bed and flung open the canvas, exposing his full manly nakedness to the crisp early spring air.
He he :D

Seriously, I truly enjoyed reading this chapter. Chapter 1 I found a tad confusing with all the characters being introduced, but as I now know who they all are I was able to understand this one no problem. The story is advancing well at a good pace and is becoming interesting; you've done a good job of creating mystery about a few of the characters' identities. The characters are all original and interesting; nothing in this story is cookie-cutter and that's one of the best things about it. I also believe that your writing style and vocabulary are quite good.

Unfortunately I can't give you any constructive criticism, because other than a few tiny grammatical errors I couldn't find anything wrong with this chapter. My only complaint is that you don't have the entire book completed yet (or do you?); I would really like to keep reading. I'm sure Albert has some interesting secrets to reveal.

I can't wait to read Chapter 3. :)

Holbrook
August 4th, 2002, 02:48 AM
Thanks for the kind words Miriamele.

The story is completed, in fact ten out of the eleven are in "polished draft" eleven is being worked on. Then the whole lot has to have one more plough through. Though I have done that for the first seven *g*

(The whole work is about 92,000 words or there abouts...)

Just have to get my finger out and finish the rest. I am hoping to get it out hunting publishers by the end of August....

This is but the first of Jack and Albert's adventures I have a thousand years to play with *g* (due to an accident with time :eek: )


As for the rating, maybe the combination of language, violence etc.

Ours not to reason why, tis the admin's decision. Just glad it's up.

Miriamele
August 4th, 2002, 11:21 AM
If you basically have the entire work done maybe you should post the rest of it two or three chapters at a time. I think it would be better to read it that way instead of one chapter every month or so--I had to reread the end of Chapter 1 to refresh my memory before I read Chapter 2.

Besides, it would be great to find out who Albert really is before Christmas! :)

I noticed there's a chap who posted three chapters of his story on the latest update. It's allowed.

Shef
August 4th, 2002, 11:42 AM
If you basically have the entire work done maybe you should post the rest of it two or three chapters at a time.
While that would be a nice way to read the story I wouldn't do it. I have heard that publishers are leery of pieces that have more than three chapters posted on a site that anyone can access. Instead I suggest you get a list of people who would be willing to read it, and email it to them. I am reading through your first chapter now, and if you wanted to send me a few chapters in words .doc format I would be willing to edit it for you the best I can. Or you could join a writing group such as Nathan Carter's Writers Association (http://www.groups.msn.com/TheWritersAssociation) and put it up in segments. These are just a few ideas and you can take them or leave them as you feel fit.

Holbrook
August 4th, 2002, 12:20 PM
Shef,

Thanks for the kind suggestions, but I can't seriously handle another writing group, my time is too short as it is. I help run one forum, I am a member of the staff and a moderator. I am on another, members only writing group. And I visit here more times than I should *g*

I never intended to put up more than three chapters here anyway.

For a number of reasons,

One it would not be fair to others wishing to have their work up. It takes long enough for the good folks here to read and approve work for the site and I think it fair all members have a shot.

Two, the work has been up on a fee paying members only writers' group, during its gestation period, though, not the complete work and a doubt it will even there. Both the copy placed on that site and here on SFF is not the final draft, that is still being worked on.

Three, my editor will kill me *g* he agreed to three and the number shall be three, no more no less. Not four and five is right out (opps sorry a monty python moment there) I wanted to see if it had anything about it that would catch the interest of people that did not know me. If it does then great, if not then back to the drawing board.


Miriamele, please check you private messages.

Miriamele
August 4th, 2002, 05:27 PM
Of course, why would you post the whole thing here if you want to actually publish it somewhere else and possibly get paid?

I don't know what I was thinking. :o

:)