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August 4th, 2002, 09:17 PM
Mod Note: We have to limit the length of posts in the forum and most members either provide a link to their stuff or take the time to submit to our story section for feedback etc. This post has been edited accordingly in the interests of remaining consitent with these guidelines.



Please tell me what you think, it needs work but i just want to see if i should keep going.

Chapter one

“We cannot let the enemy get to our city, if they do our families will die and so will we”, said the general.
It was a dark and eerie night, the wind and rain blew harshly on the soldiers.
The commander looked at his soldiers.
They had many bumps and bruises, some of the soldiers had frozen to death in the cold and others had frost on their clothes and in their hair.
“General Rahik when will we fight again” said a large man next to the General.
“When we hear the trumpet sound”, said Rahik.
The general was sharpening his sword blade, and thinking about the battle to come.
The soldiers had been fighting for two weeks against the men of Darken Forest.
They were wild men who settled all over the forest, if anyone came into their land they would kill them.
The war started because the wild men started coming out of their forests and settling in the land of Rahnm; which was were the soldiers came from.
BURMMM a trumpet in the background sounded.
“Men get up, the savages are coming” ordered the General.
The men got up and stood in position waiting for their orders.
“Get in formation three” said Rahik
The soldiers got in their formation in about 35 seconds.
The third formation was three rows with five hundred in each, the swords men made up the first two rows and the arrow men made up the third.
“Follow my lead,” said the general.

August 5th, 2002, 05:09 AM
Nice start, but where are you going with this store? Will it be simply about the war or are you going to go into why the wild men came out of the forest? Why the fighting started and how it will end? Keep working on it, I'd like to see more.:)

August 5th, 2002, 07:31 AM
Unfortunately, we had to make the post a little shorter than it originally was to keep in with our guidleines for overlong posts in the forums. Perhaps you can submit a larger portion to our Story (http://www.sffworld.com/submit/) section, RohanMan? Then, you can submit as much or as little as you like and the members can actually rate it and submit feedback comments etc.