[keatskeatskeats]

A failed suicide attempt unites the last living minotaur, Evander, with the eminent sorcerer and perfidious rake Scammander, who might have lost all of his magical knowledge or might have just stashed it elsewhere to make room for his biggest plot yet.

Bonded by suffering and a special antipathy for humanity, the two set out to do what all villains dream of: destroying the world, one civilization at a time.

But how can two creatures annihilate the world?

This is the pathos-filled recollection of the Beginning of the End, narrated, against his will, by the murderer Evander. It is by turns pithy, lyrical, and harrowing, and best when read in solitude, perhaps under a full moon.

Kindly “eliciting” the tale from Evander is Tristan D’Mure, who loved the world the way it was, and will do all that he must to make sure he obtains the truth of how the world was nearly destroyed—and find Scammander, who is once again mysteriously missing…

Pars Prima is a blood soaked novella of 21,000 words, constituting a grizzly, inclement prelude which is to be succeeded by two novel length entries.


***

This is supposed to be dark fantasy, geared towards people who read Abercrombie and George R R Martin; it's like Lord of the Rings if Voltaire and Schopenhauer wrote it.

Appreciate any critique!

[kmtolan]

A failed suicide attempt unites the last living minotaur, Evander, with the eminent sorcerer and perfidious rake Scammander, who might have lost all of his magical knowledge or might have just stashed it elsewhere to make room for his biggest plot yet.

Bonded by suffering and a special antipathy for humanity, the two set out to do what all villains dream of: destroying the world, one civilization at a time.

But how can two creatures annihilate the world?

And this is where I'd cut it off. Also suggest you drop the passive "might have" in both cases. Perhaps replace the first with "either".

Kerry

[Window Bar]

Hi keatskeatskeats--

Any publishing I've done has been in the eBook realm, so I've not had to jump through this hoop as part of the agent/editor sales process. Nonetheless, even self-published work requires a blurb as part of the vendor listing, so I've had to play the game.

The most important words in a blurb are the first handful. In my opinion, the first sentence should sum up the book in ONE (count 'em) easily grasped idea. In reading the blurbs of successful books, I've noticed that many of them accomplish this task via a simple question, for example:

"What if two out-of-work magical beings teamed up to conquer the world?"

Then go ahead and set up the pieces: minotaur with suicidal tendencies and a sorcerer who can't seem to remember his
spells.

I would shy away from most latinate words, such as emminent, perfidious, antipathy, and eliciting-- just because the reader responds to plain old Anglo-Saxon language at a gut level rather than a cerebral level.

And I entirely agree with Kerry: I'd drop words that serve as qualifiers--words like might have and nearly. Whether it's an agent, an editor or a retail shopper, your blurb needs to be cleanly presented and instantly grokked. You have one chance to win their yes vote; there's neither room nor time for shades of meaning.

A short blurb will run maybe 300 to 400 typing spaces (not words); a long blurb perhaps double that. The trimming that Kerry suggested brings your piece down to about 440, by my quick estimate.

Good luck, and have fun -- WB

[keatskeatskeats]

Hey guys, thanks for the advice. I think kerry's cut is spot on; all I had written after his quote seemed utterly superfluous, and the way he foregrounded it really showcased that lol.

WB--I'm doing ebooks, but I have terrible sales, so I figured something was wrong with blurb/cover. I think I've also put myself in a less than appealing spot since it's a novella and not a full length work; it seems im running against the buyer expectations for fantasy and sci fi of 90k minimum.

again, thanks for the thoughtful insights.