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Talaith
August 17th, 2002, 05:40 AM
Yay! I have a story up! :D If anyone would care to comment on it I would appreciate it. It is a bit long though and in three parts just so you know.

Cheers!
Talaith :D

Erebus
August 17th, 2002, 07:14 AM
This LINK (http://www.sffworld.com/authors/c/cardea_talaith/fiction/lastdayp1p1.html) will help you find part one...

Holbrook
August 17th, 2002, 11:47 AM
Hi, Talaith.

Having read "the last day of the war" since almost the moment of it conception and right through it's growing "years" I find it hard to find anything to say and am looking forward to what others will think of it.

But I have got a few points m'dear.

"Angel" I have always found her a little hard to relate too in the first stages of the story. She is maybe a bit too professional in her work and seems to glory in it a bit. Though maybe you want her this way to portray her culture. It's only in the final section back in the "symphony of light" I finally get to know and like her.

The major I think is underdeveloped and I would like to see her fleshed out a bit more.

The way you handle the battle scenes and combat are as always good and this version seems to have polished them up a bit.

The flow, once the action starts is fast and furious and I am glad you stuck to the first person in this, it is your strong point and puts my efforts in the same viewpoint to shame.

Best old H.

Holbrook
September 13th, 2002, 03:27 AM
I am bumping this up for my dear Lady Talaith, who is back from their adventures....;)

So folks if any of you would like to review the Lady's work?????