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VampirePrincess
August 19th, 2002, 07:54 PM
This is just Introduction of my story... If you mind reading and tell me what you think. It might have errors I had not fixed yet but I will. I will post up Chapter one but its pretty long so I hope you enjoy the Intro.

Introduction
The winds were gentile this morning and everything was soothing in the valley by the sea. Everyone here was simple and everyone here was happy. No one feared any strangers they embraced new comers and embraced tourist for most of their business was from tourist who flock far and wide to visit the small town. But what this town didn't know a young girl of 14 carrying a child that will hold more secrets then life itself.
One morning a young girl came running into town crying in pain and falling to the roadside floor. A group of older men about middle age picked up the girl and took her to the hospital in which she will give birth; birth to a girl worth more then any human life. It was the enchanted girl who was prophesied thousands of years ago before man was even created. Three men stood at the window of the young girl who being nursed and cared for. Three men in dark trench coats and their eyes piercing through the window at the girl ready to do anything to take the child and raise it. They were the child's saviors from man's corruption. They were not human they were exactly what man should fear more then death for they can impose death to all who cross their path but they don't. They are not evil they are gifted with the arts of magick they are wizards not human wizards but born the powers of the ancient craft misunderstood after thousands of years of human abuse and torment.
They stood at the window waiting for the birth of one who for sees all life and all death. That knows the power of creation and evolution and knows the power of the Creator for she is the first. For her soul older then time itself. Almost as old as the father of creation for the creator made her into the lover and child which the father cared for. The Creator did not know what was created for she will become the ultimate being of all time. The being that will save the unwanted and tortured and will become the savor of all.

Erebus
August 19th, 2002, 08:53 PM
Welcome to the forums, VampirePrincess. We try to limit the size of posts in the forums and ask our members either to provide links to their works on web istes, or to submit them to our story section,where they can be rated and comments submitted, as well as being discussed here in the Writing forum. This is something we remind all our members, so for consistency, I am letting you know as well. Accordingly, I have trimmed your intro a tad.

Please feel free to go to the Submit page (link at the top of this page) and submit your work to us in accordance with the guidelines. :)

VampirePrincess
August 19th, 2002, 09:58 PM
Ok thank you.

Shef
August 20th, 2002, 02:56 PM
I read what little intro was left and am intigued by it. I can really judge or give you much in the way of criticism uintil I read more. If you post it at sffworld or as a link I will read it.

VampirePrincess
August 20th, 2002, 04:05 PM
Yesh I will when I get the story finished. Its alot... I still have to researched on a few cultures... I am done chapter one and the secong chapter gets a little who the child is and bascly alot of information on her people. Alot of cutural mixing and alot controversy will probably take place in the book. Actually its three books.