kassimir funk
August 31st, 2002, 09:44 PM
I'm about 400 pg's into A game of thrones and it has occurred to me that this is utter crap. It's "days of our lives" with swords. It's a friggin soap opera! A circus act complete with midgets!
I'm trying to get into the plot and let's see..... someone is trying to kill the king!!! Well stick a feather duster up my arse and call me a peacock... WoW that's original. Let me guess the bad guys are going to succeed in killing the king... then they're gonna kill Mr. Stark then the Stark children are going to have to start a war to avenge their father. Is that dead on the money? Yes? No? Who friggin cares? Is this a fantasy novel or purely a murder mystery? This is the same rehashed story that's been told since the begining of time. Where's the originality?
How about the sex? The cheap, dimestore, meaningless, peep show, shock value, circus freak sex. That's all it is. It's pure shock value crap. And people are eating it up. It's so cheesy that it's not even worth arguing about. I doubt that even Martin takes it seriously. Which leads me to think that either Mr. Martin is a twelve year old boy, or, he is the world's most phenomenally awful lay. I don't know about the rest of you, but if I read about sex more than three times in a book I expect that, at some point, I will be aroused in some way. That's what sex is. It's supposed to be friggin arousing.... IT'S SEX!!! I think that fully 3/4 of the sex scenes could be summed up with "and then they screwed" and the story would not lose any momentum. The sex is neither offensive nor delightful... it's pointless. Regardless of all of that... it's the only thing in the book that keeps me awake.
I purchased the first three books because I will soon be taking an extensive trip out of the country and I wanted something to read while I was gone and now I'm kicking myself for having spent money on them. But I'm not going to get rid of them because rarely have I come across such a stimulatingly visual laxative!
The worst part is that Martin is an excellent writer in the fundamental sense but how he sells books is astounding to me because I would rather attempt the impossible by trying to chew off my own face than read another one of his books. This is coming from a guy who read a 150 page book on toilets and toilet repair. Is it too much to ask for a little magic? A couple of spells here and there? Maybe even some friggin fantasy! I have half a mind to mail the books to him and demand he give me my money back.
Is there any remotely original work out there? Ok... I know there is... but where oh where is it?
I now have a newfound respect for Robert Jordan. Give me all the crappy female characters and that crazy Nynaeve too. At least underneath the layers of braid pulling and ear boxing there is an original work. Caldazar... teach me the secret handshake and put me in the Jordan club... but do not make me read... one... more... page... of Martin.
<pant> <pant> <pant>
<Funk wipes the snot from his nose>
P.S. I posted this some months ago, but it'll do
