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September 8th, 2002, 02:32 PM
Trying something new, or rather trying to deepen my writing's prospective.

I have been working on a piece for a few days now and getting nowhere fast.

I am writing in the 1st person in a modern setting. The character is lonely, bitter and carrying quite a bit of baggage, that I have established very well. So the scenario of a one night stand with a member of the opposite sex, to stem the pain and loneliness for just a while, is not out of character.

The problem is that the character is being manipulated by outside forces, and their partner for the night.

I want to hint at this, but I need to stay in 1st person as all "action" in the modern world is in 1st person and "the other world" in 3rd.

Keep the dialogue to a minimum as it is through this one person's mind and thoughts all that happens is seen.

So I am trying to do a multi layered scene, which is something I haven't tried, least in 1st person....

Any advice or thoughts how you would handle it.....???

Or am I just being stupid to try and add another layer, and I best leave it till I switch into 3rd to explain.....

September 8th, 2002, 03:21 PM
As long as you're writing in the past tense you could try using hindsight on the part of the main character. For example he could say, 'I didn't notice that they were manipulating me, that I had walked right into their trap,' but less cliched obviously.

Would that work ??? It's not really 'hinting' so much as clearly giving a clue but you might be able to do something more subtle with it.

I recently tried writing a short story in a slightly different style - writing it all in the present tense, which while not unusual for many writers, still gave me a headache.

good luck with it - maybe someone else can offer suggestions.
And if it doesn't work - going beyond your normal writing practises just stretches and improves your skills.


September 9th, 2002, 06:33 AM
Hmmmm, the whole chapter is in 1st person, present tense, as I wish to "show" this is happening "now" not that it did happen.....

I want it to jar with the bulk of the story, which will be traditional 3rd person, past tense...

It will make the switch of "worlds" far more clearer...

Like all my writing of late it is an experiment, which might work, then again might not.....

I think I have it, it is rough, first draft, but I think it works... I might tinker with it today if I have the time and strength.....

I just need to make a tall blonde man in a rather large, long wool coat a bit more menacing and erotic....... The coat is that already.... :eek:

Can do the menacing, not very good at the erotic:(

September 9th, 2002, 07:21 AM
that coat sounds interesting....

Do I get to read it? :rolleyes:


September 9th, 2002, 07:34 AM
Check your e.mail but it is as rough at a bear's rear end....;)

September 9th, 2002, 07:49 AM
Although you haven't gone into specifics about the nature of the manipulation, the character in question could "sense" it in some suggestive, subliminal form as an instinct for action he feels compelled to perform, whilst ignoring his better judgement at the time, perhaps conveyed as a thought-narrative at the time of the incident/s.

September 9th, 2002, 08:00 AM
The character in question is female, which in its self is hard for a reader to accept would, seek or take or want a "one night stand" of this nature. I don't want the reader to think "she is on the game" which is the idea most would jump too.

She is not a predator by nature, but has become rather pathetic and self loathing.

September 9th, 2002, 08:09 AM
The behaviour sounds very believeable to me as I have met women that seek reassurance for whatever their personal insecurities are, on the often foolish assumption that lust is a substitute for love, hoping desperately to believe that the one-night-stand they are having is the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
A nasty catch 22 situation, which generally increases the personal self-loathing of the poor girl in question.

September 9th, 2002, 03:34 PM
A nasty catch 22 situation, which generally increases the personal self-loathing of the poor girl in question

Yes, but in this I am going to turn the expected on its head. It will not be the woman that carries the burden of the "incident" In fact "she" will not appear again as she is in the beginning, until the final chapter.

The "night" will resonant through out the story.... affecting everything is some way.

I think what I am trying to do is weave a very human relationship/relationships, with a high fantasy setting reflecting various aspects of the encounter, the good, bad and the very ugly.

I want somehow to increase the layers in my writing. To have it taken as one thing, but also hinting at and being another. I wish to use simple everyday things in a different way..... like the coat.....

I want to push the envelope of my writing as far as my bad grammar will allow:(

September 9th, 2002, 10:03 PM

From a real woman, . . . nevermind. :D

Anyway, you could have the woman actually see, hear, or sense something that makes her begin to wonder but before she can fully digest it have her see or hear something that triggers her loneliness and/or bitterness. For instance, the man looks eerily like an ex, even his bearing reminds her of him so that the hair on the back of her neck stands up. Without meaning to she looks into his eyes. His eyes are green, not like the deep blue of the man she loved. All her thoughts then are of her ex lover, not on the eery feeling she got when she first saw him.

You should be able to make the foreshadowing as heavy or as light as you want. The reader will remember what was seen or heard even if your character doesn't.

Just a thought . . .