Se'dray-on
September 10th, 2002, 02:26 PM
This is the beginning of my main story and i would like everybody to critique it if they could.
Thank you.
"Parry, you mother lovin' son of a pig!" he screamed as Michael slipped past Gabriel's guard and smacked him upside the head with the wooden practice sword. Gabriel swooned and almost lost consciousness when Michael grabbed at him to steady him.
He shook his head in disappointment and didn't notice large man who quietly walked up behind him.
"Steve, how goes the adjustment training, my old friend?"
Steve jumped in surprise then sighed "Well enough my Lord, but they need time to adjust to the new manipulations. They are incredibly fast."
He paused for a moment and slowly spoke again "In fact, now they are probably faster than you." he said, quiet laughter filling his voice, but then he quickly turned somber once more. "But because of their speed they have lost fine control and tend to overbalance. Also, Gabriel has skipped the past three practices. The only way I got him to this one was to tell Michael to remind Gabriel that without training he could hurt himself and others and that he wouldn't be able to play any music insturments without fine motor control training." Steve scowled and said in a gruff voice "I have a pretty damn strong suspicion that it was only the third reason for his coming to practice today!"
Magnus Paen'Dragon, Lord of the Five Isle's and Master of the Paen'Dragon Estates, sighed. Gabriel, as the youngest child, was often spoiled by all members of the large Estate, himself included. He turned to Steve. "The boys will be at every practice," he looked over at Gabriel "all three of them." he emphasized.
Thank you.
"Parry, you mother lovin' son of a pig!" he screamed as Michael slipped past Gabriel's guard and smacked him upside the head with the wooden practice sword. Gabriel swooned and almost lost consciousness when Michael grabbed at him to steady him.
He shook his head in disappointment and didn't notice large man who quietly walked up behind him.
"Steve, how goes the adjustment training, my old friend?"
Steve jumped in surprise then sighed "Well enough my Lord, but they need time to adjust to the new manipulations. They are incredibly fast."
He paused for a moment and slowly spoke again "In fact, now they are probably faster than you." he said, quiet laughter filling his voice, but then he quickly turned somber once more. "But because of their speed they have lost fine control and tend to overbalance. Also, Gabriel has skipped the past three practices. The only way I got him to this one was to tell Michael to remind Gabriel that without training he could hurt himself and others and that he wouldn't be able to play any music insturments without fine motor control training." Steve scowled and said in a gruff voice "I have a pretty damn strong suspicion that it was only the third reason for his coming to practice today!"
Magnus Paen'Dragon, Lord of the Five Isle's and Master of the Paen'Dragon Estates, sighed. Gabriel, as the youngest child, was often spoiled by all members of the large Estate, himself included. He turned to Steve. "The boys will be at every practice," he looked over at Gabriel "all three of them." he emphasized.