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Ramondias
September 11th, 2002, 03:53 PM
Title: The Manchime
Author: Ramondias@hotmail.com
Genre: Science Fiction
Words: est. 10,000

Prologue- Humanity

As my owl chime blows lightly in the air a new day begins.

I begin to think back when I discovered my humanity…

Year 2047:

The place had been a mid-western territory in the country of the United States of America on the planet Earth. My mother, father, and I lived there a good number of years. We enjoyed its plentiful and pleasant disposition. I reveled in the night sky. Every star was an unreal beauty. I would sneak out and run through all the dirty water and gleaming background. When the moon was at harvest, I was happy the most. During the day I played with the animals and could run almost forever. I felt a strange kinship with this land. My mother and father toiled a great deal from their land and themselves. My father, whose family name Kuerikusan alone carried the weight of ideals: honesty, integrity, and mainly trust. He would involve himself with sciences that I could never understand. He, like my mother, talked about the value of doing good work. He, being a true cleric, spoke of finding one’s place in the grand scheme of things.
As for me, being 10 years old at the time, I thought those were neat words put together. I have always been more of a dreamer. I enjoyed the concept of imagination to its full extent. Why, just the ability to get lost in it was enough for my scheme.
Quite often I played in the fields not far from our comforting home. What I mostly liked was playing with my little “adaptoids” – little silver-colored figurines that carried no specific name or style. The few I had were very convenient in making a hero and a villain.
As I began playing, I heard a plow start up. Its noise didn’t bother me very much since it was really quite. Still, distrust existed between the machine and I. I always seemed to feel as though it was trying to replace me in some odd way. But for the most part I concluded that it never would.

Email me if you want to read more of this story. Ramondias@hotmail.com

enazwo
September 12th, 2002, 03:58 PM
Ramondias

I'm looking forward to reading your story, however it is the policy of sffworld that stories and/or snippets of writing that are to be the subject of a critique, are to be submitted to the short story section and not in the forum sections.

Thanks and looking forward to reading your submission.

enazwo

DecKrash
September 16th, 2002, 06:09 PM
I think it's a pretty good beginning, although I still think that U need to work on your grammar. Aside from that, I say go ahead and submit it. Critiques are good for the writer's soul. :)