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Gagged Man
September 17th, 2002, 09:40 PM
My new story just got posted and I was wondering if people could write me a critique and suggest improvements.

You can find it at:

"Warning: Adult content. Do not read if you are under 18 and/or if it is illegal in your area to do so"
That's what sffworld.com said so please listen to it.

Thanks for all the feedback,
Gagged Man

September 18th, 2002, 02:13 PM
Gagged Man, i found the story quite good. You gave us a glimpse of a futuristic world through hints and didn't tell us straight out. Well done. I did have a little trouble with the flow of the story. Some sentence's just flowed better than others. If you work on your language flow a bit more I think this would be an amazing story. I would have loved to know what the whole hunt was about, but it wasn't central to the story.

Gagged Man
September 18th, 2002, 09:36 PM
Thanks for replying Se'dray-on . It's always nice to have feedback. I'll try and improve on flow but sometimes it feels too bloated.

Once again, Thanks,
Gagged Man