Can I have read please?

[Traveler]

My story just popped up on the site. Will sum 1 plz read?

http://www.sffworld.com/authors/t/traveler/fiction/beaconoflight1.html

[KATS]

I read your story. I'd be happy to do a critique, here or via private message.

[choppy]

Traveler,

Overall I liked this. You opened with a bang. There was a lot of action, and you have a great final line that makes me want to read more.

In the opening fight sequence, you shifted POV a little from Era to Trejoiahi and back. I'm not sure this was necessary. And just a general comment on my feelings as I read, I didn't real feel that Era was in any danger of losing, which removed some of the suspence that was initially there.

I didn't really have a feeling for whether or not Era was a goodguy or a badguy - maybe that's what you wanted though.

Cheers.

[Traveler]

Good point choppy!

KATS you can do it here, or PM I don't mind! I'm just happy you rate! ^_^