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October 6th, 2002, 02:51 AM
My story just popped up on the site. Will sum 1 plz read?


October 6th, 2002, 01:53 PM
I read your story. I'd be happy to do a critique, here or via private message.

October 6th, 2002, 01:58 PM

Overall I liked this. You opened with a bang. There was a lot of action, and you have a great final line that makes me want to read more.

In the opening fight sequence, you shifted POV a little from Era to Trejoiahi and back. I'm not sure this was necessary. And just a general comment on my feelings as I read, I didn't real feel that Era was in any danger of losing, which removed some of the suspence that was initially there.

I didn't really have a feeling for whether or not Era was a goodguy or a badguy - maybe that's what you wanted though.


October 6th, 2002, 05:29 PM
Good point choppy!

KATS you can do it here, or PM I don't mind! I'm just happy you rate! ^_^