I read your story. I'd be happy to do a critique, here or via private message.
October 6th, 2002, 12:58 PM
Overall I liked this. You opened with a bang. There was a lot of action, and you have a great final line that makes me want to read more.
In the opening fight sequence, you shifted POV a little from Era to Trejoiahi and back. I'm not sure this was necessary. And just a general comment on my feelings as I read, I didn't real feel that Era was in any danger of losing, which removed some of the suspence that was initially there.
I didn't really have a feeling for whether or not Era was a goodguy or a badguy - maybe that's what you wanted though.
October 6th, 2002, 04:29 PM
Good point choppy!
KATS you can do it here, or PM I don't mind! I'm just happy you rate! ^_^