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November 9th, 2002, 06:37 PM
I posted the beginning to my story - The Ten Thousand Year War awhile ago and got some great feedback. I have since incorporated it into the story and would apprieciate any feedback.

Thank you

The Ten Thousand Year War

When Michael slipped past Gabriel’s guard Steven, the Arms Master, screamed “Parry, you mother lovin’ son of a pig!” just as Michael smacked Gabriel in the side of the head with the wooden practice sword. Michael steadied Gabriel as he swooned, almost losing consciousness.
As Steven shook his head in disappointment he didn’t notice the large man who quietly walked up behind him.
“Steven, how goes the adjustment training, my old friend?”
Steven jumped in surprise and then sighed. "Well enough my Lord, but they need time to adjust to the new manipulations. They are incredibly fast." He paused for a moment, thinking. "But because of their speed they have lost fine motor control and tend to overbalance.” Steven turned to look at Magnus. “As well, Gabriel has skipped the past three practices. The only way I got him to this one was to tell Michael to remind him that without training he could hurt himself and others and that he wouldn't be able to play any music instruments without fine motor control training.”

Mod edit: Can you please provide a link to works at your web site if applicable, or submit them to our short story section for feedback please, rather than filling the discussion boards with pages of text. We have asked this of our members in the past and have to remain consistent. Accordingly, your post has been edited to reduce its size. Thanks.