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Stewart
December 21st, 2002, 07:00 PM
I just finished writing this about a minute ago, and was hoping I could get some more opinions on my writing. I know there are some defenite problems with this especially near the end, I just need help fixing them. I just hope I'll be able to post the whole thing.

Prologue
The Battle of Earth 3

All. To Humanity this tiny word, with but one syllable and only three letters held a new, great meaning. A meaning so wicked with the stains of blood and honorable with sacrifice that often enough when it was spoken, even if only for an instant a hush followed. With this in mind one could think that for the first time in history Humans would be silent as this word was used quite often, all the time even. But this was not true, Humans still spewed the terrible mess of intelligence and stupidity they always had. Never was there a moments silent in the world of Humans because someone always had something to say, and these people, these soldiers here today in their ships ranging from thousands of tiny fighters to hundreds of mammoth capital ships had but statement to make. We will not surrender.

Mod Edit: As mentioned on these boards previously, we try to limit large posts like this from the discussion boards. We have a Short Story section here at SFFW that you can submit to if you wish your work to appear at the site. If accepted, readers can then rate it and offer feedback etc. Alternativley, you can provide a link to your work on another web site. So, to remain consistent and fair to others who have had their posts shortened, we have edited this post as well. :)

Erebus
December 21st, 2002, 09:22 PM
Reading this I couldn't help but feel that it seemed a little rushed. The sentiments conveyed in the narrative are certainly evident, but more attention to sentence structure, grammar and editing is definitely needed. Re-read and edit, re-read and edit, and then leave it be for a while then get back to it again and I'm sure you'll find many errors that may have previously escaped you. Your narrative needs to flow and not be disjointed and fragmented as it appears now, with words missing and other errors evident, due largely to a lack of editing.

Hope you find this helpful. Good luck and Merry Christmas! :)

Stewart
December 22nd, 2002, 10:33 AM
I'll take a much closer look and probably write it over again. Merry Christmas and a Stew year.:D