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January 1st, 2003, 02:58 PM
Hi guys. Once again I am bugging you guys with my novel.

I was hoping anyone would find it in their hearts to be so nice as to read some of it and tell me what they think.
It is a fantasy novel, or rather; will be.

First of all I would be interrested to know what you think about my story, but thoughts about structure and language are also welcome since English is not my native(?) language.

The novel is currently posted at my webpage here (http://home.online.no/~aulvesta)

It should also be added that the last parts are better than the first (chapter 1....), at least I have been told so.

Thank you for your help.

I, Brian
January 1st, 2003, 04:27 PM
You really ought to paste it up in HTML. Simply asking for the text to be downloaded is not a secure method, and will make you few friends.

Does look just a little mixed up at the moment - for example, the issue of magic in paragraph two - it was done with magic, he believed it was done with magic - it was not done with magic. Bad conflict.

There also appears to be little initial reason to make the mother the subject of the opening - it looks like too much cliche at the moment.

Some idea of time period would be nice. This world is not taking shape very well for myself.

The dagger appears to be inordinately expensive an item for what first appears to be peasantry.

A starter for feedback.

January 1st, 2003, 05:43 PM
Brian I was just curious how far you read....

I would appriciate if someone read more than jsut chapter one. I think they are a bit better. I haven't had time to read through the first parts, and I think they stink. I started writing it more than 6 months ago so.... I hope my skills are improving.

I, Brian
January 2nd, 2003, 04:14 AM
I highly recommend you isolate the chatper(s) you actually think are good, then paste them up on your site. It will help motivate people better to read it, especially as you're dismissive of the starter chapters. That way you can get feedback on the parts you actually want read.

January 2nd, 2003, 11:05 AM
thx for the tip Brian

January 2nd, 2003, 03:55 PM
You might want to try to write more in an active voice. I see many he/she "had" and he/she "looked like". This slows the novel down and makes it difficult to read.

Hope that helps.

January 2nd, 2003, 04:46 PM
I have also started making a map. It is posted at the same adresse. Does it look "smashed"?

I am goind to make some more order and post the things in html instead of doc. Prolly tomorrow.

Thanks for helping me with this. :)

January 3rd, 2003, 12:26 PM
Now I have fixed all the small things.

I would like you to read chapter 3 and chapter 4, if you would be so kind. They're all posted in htm format now.


Chapters 5 and 6 are not yet complete, have more on my laptop.