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Inverted_Sock
April 19th, 2003, 08:18 PM
Can someone read "The Epiphany" (http://www.sffworld.com/authors/m/martin_seth/fiction/epiphany1.html) and leave some feedback on it? All advice is appreciated.


Thanks
Seth Martin

Cadfael
April 19th, 2003, 08:28 PM
Inverted Sock... could I suggest you place a link to your story in your post... and also under what name it is posted under?

You will find this helps the members to quickly find your submission. :) An will promote quicker feedback.

btw... Welcome to SFF World :)

Cadfael
April 19th, 2003, 08:30 PM
Ahh.. I see you did post your name... I do apologise... I have also added the link to your story now.

Inverted_Sock
April 19th, 2003, 08:34 PM
I know, I saw that. I was thinking my computer was reading my mind for a second. Thanks for the help, and the welcome.

SM

John
April 20th, 2003, 05:18 AM
Hello Seth Martin,

The first part of the story is rather vague and I have difficulty understanding how it fits into the rest of the story. While you start talking about the iron burning the child near the end. There no strong connection to the start of the story where you left off.

Your writing reads poetically, and I liked child perception you have generated in the story.

I found it difficult to follow the story when you changed scenes. As you talk in an abstract way and give no obvious indication that you are now narrating a different place or time.

Here's what I can understand of your story.

The first scene is where the child is getting burnt by an iron. You then switch to the birth of the child and how he wasn't wanted by his father or mother. His father took care of him when he was still a baby. He was neglected during this time and his father was a womaniser. He was basically left alone with his fears and dreams.

Another woman, which the child sees as a saviour, comes and takes him away to her caravan. The woman is poor, and the surroundings are sordid. The child burns himself on the iron the woman uses, and the woman rushes in and helps him. He finally feels at peace, because he realises the woman really cares for him.

I think if you just polish the way the scenes connect together and it will become much easier to follow the story.

John

Stranger
April 20th, 2003, 11:05 AM
For me it fulfills THE primary requirement of a good work; it grabs your attention immediately.

Really good authors draw you in right away with an intriguing intro. You are catapulted into the story, as opposed to long, drawn-out, descriptive detail.

Good authors slap you in the face immediately, and that is what you did here.