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Se'dray-on
June 28th, 2003, 12:51 AM
I'm having the hardest time describing a battle between two brothers with speed and strength enhancements - hand to hand.

The one brother - Mikhael, is very upset over his bestfriends death. He leaves the house in anger.

The other brother - Arthur, goes after him, the two get in a fight.
Arthur is calm and collected, Mikhael is enraged and not thinking clearly.

This is a piviotal part of the scene, and shows little known aspects of each brother's personality, I can't skip it. Please help. Any advice on how to write this would be appreciated.:D

Bardos
June 28th, 2003, 05:10 PM
The logical thing seems to me that the cool one will win the fight. He will put the other down and try to talk some sense into him.

Hope I helped. :)

nicba
June 28th, 2003, 06:08 PM
The logical thing seems to me that the cool one will win the fight. He will put the other down and try to talk some sense into him.

...Or you could have the enraged brother do some really nasty thing to the other guy, trigering all sort of remorse later.

But I don't think it's the outcome, as much as the actual description of the battle scene, you are asking for help on. Am I right? If not, just ignore the following.

If I was to write such a scene, I think I would go for a third perspective for two reasons:

1) A third perspective would (or at least, could) be impartial. You would avoid the effect of the reader at once identifying with whatever of the brothers POV you would otherwise use. The reader would be left to place his sympathy by his own judgement, thus potentially hightening the drama of the scene.

2) You would be able to give the reader a better overview of the whole battlefield, perhaps a more cinemtatic feel, if that's what you're after.

If the story is in a fantasy style of setting, I think I would use a crow or some other kind of bird in a nearby three for the POV. In a SciFi/Cyberpunk setting I would probably use some sort of totally indifferent mechanical device, a random surveillance camera, an accidentially passing spy 'bot, maybe even a hi-res intelligence satelitte.

Was this the kind of help you were after?

/Nicolai

Se'dray-on
June 29th, 2003, 12:01 AM
Thanks Nicba, that did help a little, but what I was really looking for was more the mechanics of describing two people with speed and strength enhancements fighting hand to hand.

How would I convey the extra speed and strength? Maybe through the 3rd POV? Not sure, any suggestions would be appreciated.:D

KatG
June 29th, 2003, 12:33 AM
I'm not sure exactly what you are asking since it isn't clear what the problem you are having with the scene is precisely.

You have two brothers with enhancements engaging in a physical fight. You have presumably at least one viewpoint from one of the brothers to use. (If you are using third person omniscient, you can have both brothers' viewpoints in the scene if you want.) You can use the viewpoint character's view of the fight to describe the action, and the viewpoint character's assessment of his and his brother's enhancements, including surprise at discovery of the enhancement if it is unknown beforehand, or measuring the strength of one versus the speed of the other, and such.

So are you having a problem with viewpoint in the scene? Or are you unsure how these enhancements you've given them would actually work in a battle? Or are you unsure how to use the enhanced fighting to show the brothers' personalities in the scene? Or....? What is not happening in the scene that you want to have happen and that is keeping you from writing at least a draft version of the scene?

Asraloth
June 29th, 2003, 03:01 AM
sed'dra-yon i think i get what you're saying:

you want to comment that the two brothers have physical enhancements, but since they both have them, why would you need to comment on it if it's an everyday thing to them?

is that right? if so, i'd make the physical enhancements something that is activated, rather than always on. the angry brother could activate his abilities and start fighting so the other brother has no choice but to activate his.

and if you also want to display speed and strength, you should bring other things into play. maybe one brother could pick up a car and hit his brother over the head:D just kidding but you know what i mean.