[haim]

Tnaks again! :)

[Bracken]

Originally posted by haim




and Bracken- You're right- I'll write a review as soon as I can.

Thank u all and keep reviewing!

Thanks haim. I didn't mean to sound as ranty as I probably did.

I'll do a report when/if I can find the time.

[haim]

KATZ I meant thank u obviously- and I was just wondering how old you were and what age group u thought I should target this story at may I choose to publish it.
Thanks again.

and thank u Bracken- It's o.k- if you've published a story here, a link in this thread to your story/thread would be helpful so I can review it.


Thanks all and keep reviewing! :)

[haim]

Hey everybody it's me again! Please please please review my story. I need those reviews desparately.
KATZ- please answer my question. How old r u? and what age group would u say I should target this story at?
and Bracken- u too.
Thanks again everybody and please don't ignore my thread.

[KATS]

Originally posted by haim
KATZ- please answer my question. How old r u? and what age group would u say I should target this story at?

I don't know that I believe in "targeting" age groups. And I wouldn't want to hazard a guess at the age group this story is appropriate for as I have not read the entire story (nor do I have the time to do that).

As far as my age, . . . you should know better than ask a woman her age. :) Let's just say I'm well out of highschool and leave it at that.

Kimberly
a/k/a KATS

[haim]

what do u mean u didn't read the entire story? From your review I understood that u did since u talked about the end and all. what didn't u read?

Didn't mean to offend u with the age question. sorry.

[KATS]

This story is a part of a larger piece of work (ie what you refer to as “The Splitting of the Island" you also specifically called this tale “. . . a small yet extremely crucial part . . .”.
I am unfamiliar with the entire plot line, which I assume would be either another short story or perhaps a novel. Anyway, I simply meant that although I have read “The Gathering of the Powers” I have NOT read the other tales, which obviously correlate with this one.

Kimberly
a/k/a KATS

PS: It's hard to offend me. Rest assured, your question did not offend.

[haim]

Ohh I see. It's all clear now....
And everyone- in case i wasn't clear I'd also appreciate it if u told me if u started reading my story and stopped even after one page. In that case I would of course appreciate it u said why.
Thanks all.
Can't wait for your critiques!
Forgive my anxiousness.

[IaNo]

Haim:

I just started reading your story since you seem so desperate for critiques. I'm going to do exactly what you wanted -- tell you why I am stopping after the first few pages.

First, I think the ideas are really great. I think they are a lot more original than most books out there so I'm not really sure what KATS was talking about. I especially liked how the Grunes tried to be as different as they could physically from the Oogles to show how they were mentally different. For some reason it made me think of stars on thars by Dr. Seuss. Have you played the computer game Sanitarium? It reminded me of parts of that also.

Anyway, the reason I stopped reading and found it unappealing was that it read like an essay. Keep in mind that I hate short stories and I don't think I've ever read one that I did like. However, I do get through some of them.

To me, you have great ideas and you've obviously given this whole world, the characters, and the plot, a lot of thought. Something like this would be much more interesting and easier to follow if it was much much much longer and we weren't beat over the head with so much information and history, etc.

I guess it comes down to KATS explaination of showing and not telling. I don't think telling is necessarily a bad thing; the problem is that in a short story you don't have a whole lot of room to do it comfortably when it's necessary.

To me this is just another great example of how the short story form ruines a perfectly good writer's ideas.

Sorry if this seems like a bad review, it isn't. There is promise. Short story writers and novelists are very different creatures. You, like me, seem like a novelist. I enjoyed the ideas setting up this story much more than most short stories, but it was just too much for the space. I have a feeling you already have written this as a novel or at least a longer story, or you're working on it. That's good. Keep working on it. I'll gladly read the novel when it's done. I guess I'm the type to just skip over the history and prologue in a book. If the book was really really good I'll go back and read it but you should be able to get all the important info out in a longer form in a better way.

[haim]

Thank u IaNo- that was very helpful. I'll keep that in mind when I rewrite it. It would be even more helpful if u told me where u stopped.
Thanks again and keep reviewing everyone!