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Pollux V
August 5th, 2003, 11:02 PM
I just checked the short story section and found that the guys had finally done an update. It's not like I had been waiting anxiously, I submitted the piece back in April or May. I may have even edited it afterwards, since several of my peers found it a little confusing. However it is there, let me direct you to the proper link (http://www.sffworld.com/authors/p/pollux/fiction/taleofheorogar1.html), anxious, ever so anxious readers. It doesn't appear that anyone has really read the story (or rated it), however I'm hoping that with this advertisement that will change.

I don't want this to be just a spam, that's stupid and I like to think of myself as being a little more polite than that. So I have some questions--

+Does sffworld accept everything sent in to them?

+When will the next update be?

+With your encouragement, reader, should I send more?

Thanks for reading, or considering to read. Or just clicking the link. Whatever. Take care.

Pollux V
August 5th, 2003, 11:37 PM
Auggh! It's been so long since I've read that story! Just finished it--it is confusing, seems to have no real ending, no real justification for anything that happened. Perhaps because it was written as a prequel, I wrote part two first, never got to part three because the first two were never accepted by anyone. I guess it's just an explanation for the next story, which is admittedly a great deal simpler and easier to understand.

I'll understand if you don't like it. That's what I'm saying.

August 6th, 2003, 03:11 AM

Read your story. First of all, you're writing is quite good. You describe well (in that high-fantasy style), you don't repeat words, and you came up with some good analogies. The desolate, hopeless setting came through strong, which was obviously the intention.

Criticisms (take them with a grain of salt):

Something that jumped out at me immediately was the first word. "See." I'd delete that. You're writing is more on the formal side of the spectrum. That felt out of place.

Second, Cryda's dialect was a little much. Reading his lines were a chore. I'd make them easier to understand, for the reader's sake.

Also, some of your descriptive passages could have been shorter. Admitted, lots of fantasy out there is thick with description. Many fans in the genre enjoy it (obviously). My personal tastes are a little different. I like things concise. If you can say it in one sentence, why use three? Or at least that's how I see it. But again, this is a style choice, and since your descriptions are one of your strong suits, you might want to keep them as they are.

Lastly, some of the more important aspects of the story were a little confusing (as you said yourself). I understood the tale, but it could have required a little less work on my part. You might want to reword some of the explanations.

I hope this helps in some way, but before you make any changes, you might want to wait for some other opinions. I'm rarely in the majority when it comes to reading and writing.

August 6th, 2003, 03:57 AM
So I have some questions--
OK. I'll try and answer them...

+Does sffworld accept everything sent in to them?
No. The guidelines explain what we see as acceptable (or not!)

+When will the next update be?
As quick as we can make it. We get A LOT of stories which have to be read, checked, formatted, passed around, etc etc.

Dag's also been busy upgrading the site in a technical sort of way. We run on a voluntary basis and sometimes things get busy. We do try to get them out as fast as we can.

With your encouragement, reader, should I send more?
Of course. You've already noticed that things (in your opinion) could be better.... so change it! :)