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August 26th, 2003, 11:35 PM
I have just started writing this and I am trying to introduce the main character right now but well, just read through and tell me what you think of the 3rd paragraph please cause I think it sounds like crap.

Dae rose into power with the rising of the morning sun. It was a pretty dawn, the sky still fragile after the evenings rest was feathered with colors and these hues made there way through the clouds casting an aura upon the land that seemed like a warmer, more vibrant darkness. The gentle breeze of the midsummer season coursed across the land, shifting the meadows with a whispering sound that could heard by all present. Slowly, almosty lazily a flock of birds drew their wings across the sky giving off a chirp here and there but so solitary was each short noise that it was hardly worth attention.
Across the plains and the meadows, through the forests and upon the hills doused in daisies and dandelions a lone man however moved. His pace was neither fast nor slow, but still among this waking world, with husbands still holding wives in the sweetness of a sleeping embrace his footsteps landed like hammers on the ground and he moved not like the wind so gentle in it's journey to no where, but beyond the wind. The wind looked upon this man and frowned, such a morning as this was not for travel. A morning like this was meant for rest, and if not that for rapture. If the wind and the sky and land had a voice it would invite this man, "Be seated weary traveller, rest your body and and spirit and let your thoughts trail from the woes of your world to the world as it is now. Come, feel the breeze. Or if that does not please you simply lay and enjoy this summer's warmth and smell the fragrance of the flowers that your trample beneath your worrying feet." But alas these fair creatures had no tongue with which to beckon to him, and so he ran onward into the dying morning, striving forward like a beast of foreign lands and allowing himself no rest. Rest was for the weak and he would not be counted among them so long as there was blood coursing through his veins.
This man was tall and bold in stature, his arms and legs hard with his strength. His head was cropped with blonde hair that grew thick and tangled about him and his face was handsome despite the presence of a small collective of scars that had grown upon him over the years. He was clothed in green and brown with a sash bearing the tartan of his family in the days of the clans when the Riverhills were torn with civil war. On his back he bored a pack carrying food he had gathered and hunted among his days of travel along with other things to make his life more bearable if more pleasant was not a better way to put it. At his side he wore a sword sheathed in leather. It was not a broadsword, no those were far too heavy and cumbersome. He required speed and swiftness if battle came to him.


Lucky Joe
August 27th, 2003, 06:00 AM
Hi Stewart,

the third paragraph sounds fine to me. I always try not to worry too much about the first draft (I assume it's the first draft because you said you've just started it) and try to get as much down on paper - or the screen - as I can. That way once I've got to know my characters a bit more I'm able to go back and add details or change things to suit. Of course other people probably do things different, but that's how I work for what it counts.

Hope that helps.:D

August 27th, 2003, 06:19 AM
I agree with Joe.

In my own writting, I usually just write down what's in my head, get the form and direction of the peice and the main characters down.

After that I go back and develope my characters, reason and motivation for why they are doing a task.

It is always hard but try to make your reader understand and feel for the character's you have created.

Once you have the frame of the peice, it is easier then to make you characters have purpose and reason!

Hope some of this makes some sense to you, does to me but you are the one asking for help :)

August 27th, 2003, 09:12 AM
I couldn't help but read all of it Stewart, and the first thing I noticed is that perhaps you might want to make your sentences shorter.

As for the third paragraph, good description indeed. Remember though, that you shouldn't feel like you have to describe a character all at one time. It's also a good idea to add details as the story goes along.


August 27th, 2003, 10:09 AM
Appreciate it. Yeah it is my first draft, I was trying to write a Sci-fi story but I had been working on it and rewriting and rethinkinh characters and parts for so long that it was just driving me nuts so I had to try something new.

August 27th, 2003, 10:13 AM
It is more important in the 1st draft to get your ideas down first, then it is always easier to edit it

Good luck