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neha
October 23rd, 2003, 10:46 PM
Hi to all of you. well it starts....turns to my.......my confusion...

A lonely road………lying stretched in the arms of a dark night, no one knows where it goes and the noise…..from the hazy wind…. gently trying to break the silence of the quiet night. Oh this silence! It appears to be withholding immense cries and screams. It can burst any moment. And these Screams, screams of those who dared to walk…who dared to rebel against the world….who dared to search for the truth renouncing the world, are driving me mad. I’m not able to hear those yells through ears but yeah! these are there, I can feel them piercing in my heart….asking me to move ahead, to follow the road….to begin a new journey and I…unaware of the target, feel like going ahead, following my heart. But alas I am not able to move….something hinders…Oh it’s my mind- full of vague fears…qualms…. suspicions, blocking me. And I am standing on the road…my heart forcing me to take a forward step and mind doing just the reverse, and I …..like a helpless witness watch the conflict going on…waiting for my heart to win and to start this journey…….and move to wherever it leads……and then I hear some voice…..dont know from where it emerged………but yeah…it’s a call from someone waiting for me asking…….

It’s not that it’s a road where everyone reaches. Nope, most of the people are lost in the illusionary glitter and oppulence of the world. In that light, they are unable to see the hidden darkness, something I am able to see so clearly. And looking at it, my heart asks me, “Is this the true place for you? And it itself replies, “No, it’s not”. And then I wander to find something that’s for me, that can make me cry loud………yeah it’s the place I was longing for ….which I feel mine….where there are no questions or doubts and then one day………somewhere in that darkness……. I feel the light coming from a distant place…. but the path which takes there is blurred and then……I find that lonely road…..i don’t know where it goes but yeah I feel… to somewhere better than this….perhaps towards that constant light and I yearn to take a step, to taste the unknown but I see a strange fear….increasing so fast in my mind………yes there are many who took this road…..but how many were able to find the source of that light……I am not sure of a single one……..this world comes in-between. Will I be the blessed one? And the mind leaves a fullisade of questions…..and asks, “Do you have any evidence or proof?” and the heart says……I have faith.

So what should I do? I don’t know…….

Dawnstorm
October 24th, 2003, 06:27 PM
A very evocative piece, where the inner and outer space merge in a way that I'm not sure whether I'm dealing with symbolism, a dream, or a strange kind of psychic/spiritual landscape that actually exists. I like it.

1. Abstract expressions tend to break my flow of reading now and again ("the world", "the truth"...). Without a context, they don't mean much to me. They don't serve well to describe the setting; it's really the other way round: in a well described setting they gain a meaning, beyond their very general one. But that may be just my own problem; I'm very bad at handling abstract expressions...

2. I'd change all "Yeah"s and "Nope"s to "Yes"s and "No"s. I find they clash with the more formal/poetic style of the piece.

3. "the silence of the quiet night". Why not just "the silence of the night"?

All in all, it works really well, either as an expressionistic piece about somebody's emotional state, or as an introduction to a surrealistic story. Or something inbetween... :)

neha
October 25th, 2003, 02:36 PM
Thanks Dawnstrom for the nice suggestions.

Well
1. The expressions you call “abstract” are so clear in my mind that while writing I could never feel that someone might not understand them. Perhaps I was wrong.

2. And of course words like Nope and Yeah don’t fit the context. They don’t lay stress on the things the way No and Yes do.

3. It should have been “silence of an otherwise quiet night” or simply “silence of the night” you are very much right in pointing it out.


And I don’t know what it is. Just my feelings, emotions and nothing else. It may look like a story. As after undergoing all these confusions and doubts, I have really found something …….. a path for me. How? I will definitely write. Well even now I am not much sure of getting a way…but still there is something I have found. And here my mind and heart have made a fine-tuning….

Fine here I just try to explain precisely…..world and truth.
World------- the world consists of all the external things….the people, joys, sorrows, pains and pleasure and all worldly things. The thing is I am not able to accept things in my life the way they come. I mean no doubt they are good but still I should know the real cause behind my existence….to be more clearer……my existence itself is unknown and if I move still closer…I really don’t know whom am I calling “I” in all my conversation. I don’t know whether such thoughts have teased others or not……..but if someone asks you “Who you are?” what will be your answer……… I am Neha…of course not…neha is just a name given by my parents….it could have been something else as well. So you say…I am this body….this mind….well these things themselves keep changing……the body grows and the mind is engrossed be different thoughts every moment…but you have something in you that is constant….that feeling of “me”…..so you say You are a soul…..but then what’s that……don’t know and the final answer is ……….You don’t know what you are….then why are you living. And then you search for all this ……the truth…..and for that you wander everywhere…to get the answer…..who you are and why you are……..if someone asks…..what is your life……just fake experiences of joys and sorrows, and nothing else…..well I really don’t know how to express myself .these mere words wont be able to express something intangible…..it would be more clear as I move ahead in my journey……..

Dawnstorm
October 25th, 2003, 06:14 PM
ad 1. "Abstract expressions" are difficult for me. It's one of my weaknesses, that I cannot fill them with meaning of my own accord. I can never say, "I love you.", not because I can't show my emotions (another matter entirely), but because I'd immediately start to wonder what exactly I mean by saying this, and also what the girl (most likely) in question would think I might mean. I prefer saying things like "I like being with you very much."

So, if nobody else is having difficulties with the words I mentioned, don't worry too much about this. They do fit into the setting.

===

ad "What it is?": If it's a "finished" text (is any text ever finished?) then it is what it is. Let the readers worry about the categorization (if they care to categorize). I was suggesting various categorizations, because I wasn't sure how much of the text I was reading, and what it's intended purpose was. Usually, categorizations tell you more about the categorizer than about the categorized.

===

ad "World, Truth": I think I see what you're getting at. :) I actually like "uncertainty" in such questions ("Who are you?...) If I ever ask, for example, "Who am I?", I don't do so, because I want an answer; I do so because it's fun discovering new aspects of the question.

As for how I use "world, truth":

If I say, for example, "I hate the world." that means at the moment something's bugging me, but I'm too laze/unwilling to figure out/communicate what exactly it is, that's bugging me.

And if I say, "Tell me the truth." than I'm merely asking you to say something I can hold you responsible for later.

That's the kind of person I am... :o ;) :D

Your text couldn't have come from me; that's why it's so fascinating. :)