Calis
December 10th, 2003, 07:34 AM
this is my first attempt at writing something, albiet 1 am in the morning. lol
but if you could read it and tell me what you think i would appreciate it much.
thanks.
The man looked out, the mid day sun beaming down on the water causing white reflections of the shallow waves causing slight blindness as the man shielded his eyes from the glare. Looking around the man could see no vessel of any sort, just the murky waters of endless sea.
The sky had not one cloud in it, the gentle breeze allowing a fan of coolness against the everlasting heat beaming down upon the crew. ‘Good’, thought the man, ‘no sign of pirates, the plan is going well. It shall be a glorious day when our destiny is fulfilled’.
The smell of salt on the air whiffed into his nose. He did not care for that smell.
Other then the sound of the ship pushing through the water, as if crashed upon the side of the ship, there was not a sound, not one sea bird was in sight.
A crew member yelled from above, looking up he could see him in the crows nest.
“Land hoe!” he shouted.
The man smiled again, destiny is upon us, he thought to himself.
Another crew mate came to join him, quickly he said “we shall be landing shortly, captain…near Anquan’s End”
“Good”, muttered the man.
The shipmate walked off hurried, almost scared to be in the man’s presence.
The man squinted, from his position at the front of the ship on the deck, he could just make out the tops of buildings and the port at Anquan’s End.
All members of the ship named ‘Large Barge’, did not know this man, yet they all saw what he had done to the previous first mate who had challenged him, and convincingly lost his head in what was to be a short 5 to 10 second duel. They were all scared of this man, his ability with the sword he carried was nothing they had ever seen and none wish the fate of the ex-first mate, known as ‘Naigo’, whose head was perched on top of a spear, above the captains’ quarters. A clear sign that no deception or bothersome crew mates was to be tolerated. He had come aboard under the orders of the Emperor of Jiza, a man named ‘Natas’.
The only prove that it was under the orders of the Emperor of Jiza, was the seal written on the parchment, though reluctant to accept such a odd offer, the promise of 5000 gold coin for each man that day, and another 10,000 when they returned was an offer to good to refuse, and if any man refused to do it, they were quickly quieted when Naigo was killed.
The ship was a War Ship, the name ‘Large Barge’, comically came from the unusually small size for a war ship. It was about 40 meters in length, a good half size of a normal war ship.
The reason the emperor wanted to employ the crew of the ‘Large Barge’, was its superior speed. They had traveled a distance that would normally take a War Ship 15 weeks, in 7 weeks.
The man turned, and yelled “Tell the men below deck to prepare for landing, and tell the slave master to pick up the pace”
“Yes, capt’n”, said a deck hand, used for odd jobs and carrying messages below deck.
The man turned again, his mind on the job at hand, his hand flexing on the black handle of his sheathed long- sword, hanging from his belt on his right hip.
Lost in his thought, he was suddenly snapped back into reality by the curses of the crew members. Turning his attention on the men, he noticed the shadows growing larger. The mans’ eyes narrowed, suspicion on his mind. He looked up and in all directions dark grey, almost black clouds were approaching from all directions rapidly.
Expecting trouble, the man withdrew his Long-sword in his left hand and withdrew his Dagger from his belt at his back.
The slight breeze had picked up in to a strong wind.
He heard his crew men cursing, wondering what was going on, and most had withdrawn their cutlass’s.
Above the crack of thunder deafened any thoughts the man had, and now his thoughts turned to survival as the wind had picked up into a strong Gale, and wave growing increasingly, crashing into the side of the ship.
“Pull down the sails and drop the anchor”, he ordered, the crew obeyed and a few were scurrying off the pull down the sails, while another was at the lever to drop the anchor, waiting for the sails to be pulled down.
The man looked up again, then suddenly ducking as a bolt of lightning hit the deck of the ship a few meters away from him, a smoking hole about 3 meters in diameter now shown.
Thunder and lightning continued, and rain and hail belted down upon the crew, crying out as it strung them. The smell of burning wood filled the air as lightning struck all parts of the ship, tearing holes into the deck and sides, water was gushing in, soon the ship would sink.
The man continued looking out, ignoring the slight pain he felt from the hail. He knew this wasn’t a normal storm, but a work of magic.
“I will not stand down”, he shouted into the wind, at nothing. He was about to scream something else when a bolt of lightning struck the deck a few meters away from him, the impact sent the man flying into the air and over the side of the ship.
He landed with a thud into the water, a little dazed at the impact but still conscious the man managed to hold his head above water, but he knew it was over, the currents were to strong, and the ship wouldn’t be afloat for much longer. He struggled to stay up but his legs tired after 10 minutes. Finally he went under, the currents ripping and tearing at him, his body twisting in all directions, at odd angles, as he drifted away from the sinking ship.
The man felt a pain in his right leg, it was broken. He didn’t care, he knew it was over, he had failed. He couldn’t hold his breath any longer, water entered through his nostrils and mouth as his lungs filling with water, as he drifted off into a sleep like state, his last thought was scream of rage. ARGHHHHHH!!!
Then it was dark…
but if you could read it and tell me what you think i would appreciate it much.
thanks.
The man looked out, the mid day sun beaming down on the water causing white reflections of the shallow waves causing slight blindness as the man shielded his eyes from the glare. Looking around the man could see no vessel of any sort, just the murky waters of endless sea.
The sky had not one cloud in it, the gentle breeze allowing a fan of coolness against the everlasting heat beaming down upon the crew. ‘Good’, thought the man, ‘no sign of pirates, the plan is going well. It shall be a glorious day when our destiny is fulfilled’.
The smell of salt on the air whiffed into his nose. He did not care for that smell.
Other then the sound of the ship pushing through the water, as if crashed upon the side of the ship, there was not a sound, not one sea bird was in sight.
A crew member yelled from above, looking up he could see him in the crows nest.
“Land hoe!” he shouted.
The man smiled again, destiny is upon us, he thought to himself.
Another crew mate came to join him, quickly he said “we shall be landing shortly, captain…near Anquan’s End”
“Good”, muttered the man.
The shipmate walked off hurried, almost scared to be in the man’s presence.
The man squinted, from his position at the front of the ship on the deck, he could just make out the tops of buildings and the port at Anquan’s End.
All members of the ship named ‘Large Barge’, did not know this man, yet they all saw what he had done to the previous first mate who had challenged him, and convincingly lost his head in what was to be a short 5 to 10 second duel. They were all scared of this man, his ability with the sword he carried was nothing they had ever seen and none wish the fate of the ex-first mate, known as ‘Naigo’, whose head was perched on top of a spear, above the captains’ quarters. A clear sign that no deception or bothersome crew mates was to be tolerated. He had come aboard under the orders of the Emperor of Jiza, a man named ‘Natas’.
The only prove that it was under the orders of the Emperor of Jiza, was the seal written on the parchment, though reluctant to accept such a odd offer, the promise of 5000 gold coin for each man that day, and another 10,000 when they returned was an offer to good to refuse, and if any man refused to do it, they were quickly quieted when Naigo was killed.
The ship was a War Ship, the name ‘Large Barge’, comically came from the unusually small size for a war ship. It was about 40 meters in length, a good half size of a normal war ship.
The reason the emperor wanted to employ the crew of the ‘Large Barge’, was its superior speed. They had traveled a distance that would normally take a War Ship 15 weeks, in 7 weeks.
The man turned, and yelled “Tell the men below deck to prepare for landing, and tell the slave master to pick up the pace”
“Yes, capt’n”, said a deck hand, used for odd jobs and carrying messages below deck.
The man turned again, his mind on the job at hand, his hand flexing on the black handle of his sheathed long- sword, hanging from his belt on his right hip.
Lost in his thought, he was suddenly snapped back into reality by the curses of the crew members. Turning his attention on the men, he noticed the shadows growing larger. The mans’ eyes narrowed, suspicion on his mind. He looked up and in all directions dark grey, almost black clouds were approaching from all directions rapidly.
Expecting trouble, the man withdrew his Long-sword in his left hand and withdrew his Dagger from his belt at his back.
The slight breeze had picked up in to a strong wind.
He heard his crew men cursing, wondering what was going on, and most had withdrawn their cutlass’s.
Above the crack of thunder deafened any thoughts the man had, and now his thoughts turned to survival as the wind had picked up into a strong Gale, and wave growing increasingly, crashing into the side of the ship.
“Pull down the sails and drop the anchor”, he ordered, the crew obeyed and a few were scurrying off the pull down the sails, while another was at the lever to drop the anchor, waiting for the sails to be pulled down.
The man looked up again, then suddenly ducking as a bolt of lightning hit the deck of the ship a few meters away from him, a smoking hole about 3 meters in diameter now shown.
Thunder and lightning continued, and rain and hail belted down upon the crew, crying out as it strung them. The smell of burning wood filled the air as lightning struck all parts of the ship, tearing holes into the deck and sides, water was gushing in, soon the ship would sink.
The man continued looking out, ignoring the slight pain he felt from the hail. He knew this wasn’t a normal storm, but a work of magic.
“I will not stand down”, he shouted into the wind, at nothing. He was about to scream something else when a bolt of lightning struck the deck a few meters away from him, the impact sent the man flying into the air and over the side of the ship.
He landed with a thud into the water, a little dazed at the impact but still conscious the man managed to hold his head above water, but he knew it was over, the currents were to strong, and the ship wouldn’t be afloat for much longer. He struggled to stay up but his legs tired after 10 minutes. Finally he went under, the currents ripping and tearing at him, his body twisting in all directions, at odd angles, as he drifted away from the sinking ship.
The man felt a pain in his right leg, it was broken. He didn’t care, he knew it was over, he had failed. He couldn’t hold his breath any longer, water entered through his nostrils and mouth as his lungs filling with water, as he drifted off into a sleep like state, his last thought was scream of rage. ARGHHHHHH!!!
Then it was dark…