[Shanoncia]

I feel awful. Since I broke up with my boyfriend it's been nothing but confusion. I thought it was the right thing to do but it feels so wrong. I visited him today to make sure he was ok, and oh god... he's beautiful. He has such a good heart. All I could do was sit there and stare amazed at every perfect feature he's graced with. And no, most people don't find him attractive... but to me he's an angel.

And to see him look at me that way. To see somebody look at with with so much "love" in their eyes... when they're ready to die for you in a heartbeat... then to tell them it's over. A cold blooded murderer couldn't be so cruel as I! What have I done?

I could vomit. But to what purpose? Over what? What is this goddamn ultimate power that's crushing me? Love? How could it be love when love clearly failed us! You can be faithful to your heart but will it be faithful to you?

It's the classic question... does love really exist?

[Evil Agent]

Whoa, whoa, whoa....

I've been through SEVERAL long-term-relationship-breakups, and trust me, they're NEVER easy, and they never get easier. Don't let yourself be fooled into thinking he's perfect after all, just cause you broke up. Trust me, you'll feel that way for a while.. for me it's usually a feeling that lasts SEVERAL MONTHS, if not more! It's just part of breaking up. It's REALLY hard to get used to the fact that someone is no longer a part of your life, when you've talked to them/seen them almost every day for months or years.

That's just the way it is.... and there aren't any real answers. You just have to eventually get over it and move on.

I know I might sound a bit harsh... but that's honestly the way I feel after going through the same thing you are, several times...

Hope you feel better soon. :)

PS. Be very careful! It's the EASIEST thing in the WORLD to end up "intimate" with an Ex, but it's almost always a BAD decision.

[Zsinj]

Shan, I'm very glad you pmed me to reply to this message. Let me assure you, love is not a fallacy. I am so sorry you broke up with your boyfriend that is so sad. But be assured that somewhere out there, there is some one destined for you, my friend. It is just a matter of time until you find him. The quest for love may be long, and a bit hard but as long as you stay positive and keep pursuing yuour goal, believe me, it will come to you! Don't let these dark demons of hurt pull you down into the darkest of abyssess, fight them with all your might, and tell yourself that you will make it to your goal! Shan, I feel for you from the very bottom of my heart, I'm going through a struggle similar to yours, my problem is that I've never had a girlfriend and I'm still looking for one, and I'm lonely and a bit sad to tell you the truth, but I'm perservering no matter what. I had a serious blow three months ago when I fell victim to a practical joke involving meeting a girl, and let me tell you, it hurt like hell! I felt like my heart was thrown into the deepest, darkest abyss! So I know somewhat what you are going through. But Shan, believe me when I say, and I mean this with all my heart, I'm not just spouting out bravado, that if I had a girlfriend, I would want her to be just like you, because you are the sweetest, most beautiful girl I've ever had the pleasure of talking to. :) Just hold on, my friend, don't give up! And I'm always here in case you want to talk. :)

[Eldanuumea]

Love is the force that binds the universe together. It is so real it hurts.
We all of us spend our lives trying to find that perfect someone who will understand all our questions, identify totally with our thoughts and feelings, have the panacea for all our hurts and wounds.
I have been more fortunate than most.....I have been lucky in love, and found a man who worships the ground upon which I tread, and is the best man I know. But as a teacher, I see how painful others' experiences are, and I hurt for them.

I have no answers to such heart-rending questions. I only know that without love we shrivel and die.
I am not talking about sex......I am talking about that feeling of wanting the other person's good above our own, of wanting to give all we have and are to that person. Such love exists, I promise you.

[ChrisW]

It's the classic question... does love really exist?

Yes.

Now cheer up!

:)

[Miriamele]

Of course love exists! I believe that it's the most powerful force, even more powerful than hate.

But it isn't like we see in the movies. It's never simple or easy--not if it's real. Real love takes a lot of work and can sometimes cause a lot of pain, because it touches the deepest parts of your soul. I know this because the man I love and married has caused me more pain than anyone I've ever known! And yet it's worth it...

The funny thing with love is that you really can't force it. If you look for it too hard you won't find it. You have to just wait for it to come to you. And when it does, it will hit you with incredible force and you'll just know it's real.

Shan, there may still be a good deal of love between you and your ex-boyfriend. But that doesn't mean that you should get back together. Warm feelings, sexual attraction--these things alone aren't enough to forge a lifelong bond. If you broke up with him then you must have had reasons to do it. Don't forget those reasons. There really are other fish in the sea, and if you loved once you will love again, trust me. You should just be friends, and remember the time you were lovers as a nice memory. There's nothing to be sad about, because there is someone even better for you out there!

I agree with EA's advice. I have fallen into the trap of renewing intimacy with someone I've broken up with, and it just makes things a thousand times more complicated and difficult! Don't do it.

Well that's my advice. In the end you will follow your heart, I'm sure...but just wait for a while before you make any decisions. Break-up time is a VERY emotional time and not the best time for rational decision making.

I know you're a strong woman and you'll be fine. Chin up! :)

[Dawnstorm]

In case you're wondering who voted "HELL, NO!", that was me, and I apologize right away, because I do not think anyone who believes in love is a bloody fool. It's just that I think love is love is love is love. What we call "love between a man and a woman" is something a lot more complicated, and even love's in there somewhere. Other components are sex, economic security (kind of declining in importance), the child-package...

I love most of my family. I loved my cat. I'm pretty sure, if I'd ever had a girlfriend (you see where I'm coming from? ;) ), I'd have loved her, too, or more likely, I'd still love her. But you see, it's so easy to forget that the guy'n'gal need to get along. Breaking up doesn't mean you're not allowed to still love your ex. Still loving your ex doesn't mean breaking up wasn't a good idea. And, finally, finding a new boyfriend doesn't mean you have to stop loving your ex. Just make sure that you love your new one, too.

[kahnovitch]

Love is the one thing in the universe that can make you feel on top of the world one minute *cue Carpenters song*, and lower than you’ve ever been the next minute.

It can mess you up big time, more because of the expectations we tend to place on relationships of this nature. e.g. if a friend doesn’t call us for a week or two, it’s no big deal, but if we don’t hear from a lover for a week, we go crazy.
I’ve been through Hell and high water in the past with relationships and If you’d asked me 3 years ago if I believed in true love I’d have said, “I’m agnostic”, i.e. believe it when I see it.
But three years ago, at the ripe old age of 30 I got involved with someone whom I’d known for a while and I’ve never looked back or doubted it ever again.
Relationships of an intimate nature are always hard, because no matter how well you think you know someone, there is almost always a side of them you will hardly ever see.
As Chris Rock said; “When you meet someone, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative.”
People aren’t always who their appear to be at first as we’re all generally on our best behaviour trying to impress our girl/guy etc. After what’s affectionately known as “the honeymoon period” has passed we may discover that the person we thought we loved doesn’t even exist!

We all feel for you Shan, but you’re smart, spirited and a very attractive girl. That combination can scare some guys off, whereas others would love you forever for it.
You’ve got all the time in the world, so don’t compromise yourself ever for someone who doesn’t appreciate you for who you are.

All the best, Shan.

[juzzza]

For three paragraphs, you answered your own question Shan... Of course love exists... In all its wonderful, bitter, glorious, painful splendour... It's what fuels our spirits and for me and thousands more, the music. Just look at the explosion that is your post... That is what love can do, it can be beautiful and it can be horrific, or at least products of love can be.

There are no rules... These are the only four words you will need. Because quite simply, your head, friends, family, ambulance crews and police (alright alright, I am being a drama king) may tell you what you should do, but your heart will totally ignore the advice. Especially during break-up time.

I had a very volatile relationship until a few months ago, filled with violence and pain (mostly directed at me I hasten to add). Anyway, the times we were apart were infinitely more painful than any punch, kick, bite, scratch or even the odd headbutt... And when we fell back together, it felt like being home and that we could put the world to rights... Until the next time.

Loving someone and yet knowing you have to move on is one of the most painful things I have experienced... Seeing the person you love with someone else is pretty bad too. Knowing that the person you love is ill and that you can't help and that unless you break away you will get pulled down too... Is painful.

It takes time, how often will you hear that? A lot, but it is true.

Now I am with someone who is beautiful inside and out, I watch her as she talks and I am enraptured, not because of the topic, but because she is so passionate about it. I'm addicted to her lips, passion starts with love... Explodes... And ends again with love. Making this person smile and laugh is what drives me, holding this person, waking up in the middle of the night and seeing her asleep on her pillow are the treasures hidden amongst the other moments. To look across the room and think 'you are so beautiful', to watch her at work and think 'you are so clever' to see her with her friends laughing and think 'you are so cool' to stumble home giggling in each others arms and to fall asleep after making love and think 'you are mine and I am yours'...

Nah, I don't think love exists. ;)

[Twelve]

Originally posted by Shanoncia
I feel awful. Since I broke up with my boyfriend it's been nothing but confusion. I thought it was the right thing to do but it feels so wrong. I visited him today to make sure he was ok, and oh god... he's beautiful. He has such a good heart. All I could do was sit there and stare amazed at every perfect feature he's graced with. And no, most people don't find him attractive... but to me he's an angel.

And to see him look at me that way. To see somebody look at with with so much "love" in their eyes... when they're ready to die for you in a heartbeat... then to tell them it's over. A cold blooded murderer couldn't be so cruel as I! What have I done?

I could vomit. But to what purpose? Over what? What is this goddamn ultimate power that's crushing me? Love? How could it be love when love clearly failed us! You can be faithful to your heart but will it be faithful to you?

It's the classic question... does love really exist?

Once you love someone like this, that love will forever be there. Doesn't mean you have to be with this person, but true love is something that doesn't wash away with time.


12