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RandyVeach
January 12th, 2004, 10:38 AM
My name is Randy Veach. I have written several stories/poems (under that name), and would greatly appreciate some constructive criticism regarding them. Thanks in advance for all of you that are able to help me become a better writer.

Ilnaulro
January 12th, 2004, 12:43 PM
Tell me a little about your stories Randy. I cannot really help with the poetry as I am infamously poor at such interpretation and appreciation. ;)

fluffy bunny
January 12th, 2004, 01:23 PM
Here are the links to his short stories on this site:

Timeshares (http://www.sffworld.com/authors/v/veach_randy/fiction/timedshares1.html)

Mom (http://www.sffworld.com/authors/v/veach_randy/fiction/mom1.html)

My Turn (http://www.sffworld.com/authors/v/veach_randy/fiction/muturn1.html)

JRMurdock
January 12th, 2004, 03:47 PM
I read Timeshares. Interesting concept. I did notice a few minor errors. The story seemed weak. I didn't care for John and didn't feel he was THAT mean (or Bad). I also didn't feel like Mary was really suffering. It might be stronger if John was abusive and Mary was made to suffer more, then I might care if something good happened for her.

Also, she seemed rather too quick to accept the replacement of her husband, like it was no big deal that she was now married to an alien.

As for the Boss, you may want to give us something else to compare it to, for example when John comes home that evening, he complains about how bad his boss is at work (well, perhaps the week before) and how oddly nice his boss was now being.

It's well written, just didn't have an impact on me. Going to go read the other 2.

Maus99

RandyVeach
January 13th, 2004, 09:37 AM
Thanks for taking the time to read my story, and special thanks for the review. You're correct; I need to make the bad guy really bad, not somewhat bad. I'm looking forward to any other reviews you might do.

JRMurdock
January 13th, 2004, 06:44 PM
I read mom. Not bad. I've seen this type of story before so it didn't come as a shocker. My only opinion is that JD doesn't seem to have very real reaction to the loss of his friends followed closely by the loss of his mother. You may want to have responses from people other than JD as he curls up into a ball of hysteria.

Just my opinion. Well written Good job..

Note on both pieces, there's a lot of words that are spelled correctly, but not used in the right place. You may want to re-read your work and look for placed where (this is just an example, it's not in your work) you use form instead of from.

Maus99

Off to read the last one.

JRMurdock
January 13th, 2004, 06:58 PM
In My Turn, I liked the babbling old man, but the story left me wanting more. Not sure what, but more, perhaps something different such as, maybe he got his turn and as he was passing away, his spirit began to tell the people about the water as it floated into the sky... or maybe not...:). It was good.

RandyVeach
January 14th, 2004, 12:56 PM
Thanks for the reviews. I see I need to be more careful in regards to the spelling. Another consideration is that maybe I try to finish the story before it wants to finish. Anyway, your reviews were great and have given me something to work on.