serious feedback

[beedancer]

Click on the link. Serious responses only, please. I'm a struggling author, currently agentless.

Genre: modern sci-fi/romance/tradgedy/then some

Length: 2700 words

http://www.geocities.com/tkaker/beedance.htm

[Dawnstorm]

I don't like military themes, and I have little patience for "saviours" (for lack of a better word). So it's quite an achievement that I actually like the story.

1. Your breaks/scene changes work; it took some getting used to, and at first I had no idea what was going on... and yet I got a feeling of coherence. I really like that in a sf story.

2. Your themes work well together: fallen empires, TV re-runs, bee hive... I like the way it's told from a bottom perspective; what it feels like to be caught up in it, not what it actually means.

3. The language is brilliant. Good rhythm, flows easily. Can be read quickly and still taken in. Unusual phrases that actually work. Now and then a glimps of real world speak...

It's a story that merits multiple readings; as you'll notice things you haven't seen before... read it 1.5 times, already...

If I found that story in, say, Asimov's it would be one of those that I remember.

[beedancer]

Thank you. That's quite a compliment.

[milamber_reborn]

I only got to read a few sentences, but it was all I needed to read to get a feel for your style. You have good flow and pacing.