I am curious to know what you want an opinion on. Do you want a crit of your writing style? Or are you more interested in my reaction to the material of the story.
My first impression is that this strikes me more as a "rant" than a story. The train of thought of your main character gets very preechy and addresses the reader directly. As a reader, I had the feeling that I was being yelled at or scolded. As a result, if there would have been a second page, I probably wouldn't have gone on.
From a philosphical standpoint you bring up some interesting points, which is where the strength of this work lies. I would have liked to have seen more a of a conclusive argument though. As it stands I'm left with a sense of ambivalent apathy.
The souls of the earth sat silently, awaiting the arrival of death. This is a good point to end on. In the end death is coming, regardless of one's beliefs.
February 12th, 2004, 07:36 PM
yea...I guess it is more of a rant.
As far are what I was looking for, well...
I've never really posted anything I wrote before on a forum, so I figured I would put this up just
to see what people thought, and yes, I guess any sort of comments on my writing style or whatever.
Thanks for your input, choppy. As far as a "conclusive argument though" I would have to say your next
sentence sort of summed up what I was trying to get across and to tell you the truth I can't really
think of any sort of conclusive argument.
Also, if you feel like reading some other stuff I have written,
for whatever reason, you can find some more of my stories and rants and poems here --> teamEarth (http://www34.brinkster.com/teamearth/teamEarth.html)
February 13th, 2004, 02:22 AM
Well it's not really a story. However if you managed to put your ideas into a story and explore them through your characters actions and so on it would probably be worth reading.
February 23rd, 2004, 06:41 PM
Its a rant, definitely.
Possible column material with editing but very little to it story-wise.
Morgana the Fey
February 24th, 2004, 08:50 AM
I agree that it does sound like a bit of a rant but I can identify with that. It is written passionately though which really comes across. In fact I quite liked it, just needs a little more of a story line. Keep it up.:)