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February 21st, 2004, 10:55 PM
Special Report: Four out of Five Dentists Pissed

Los Angeles, CA – The oft cited four out of five dentists, known for decisive choices on everything from toothpaste to mouthwash, spoke out Tuesday on yet another issue. It appears that four out of five dentists think the fifth dentist is a “douche-bag”.

The dentists, who are finally splitting after nearly 30 years together, have seen their share of problems.

“It started off as an innocent difference of opinion,” confided the father of the fifth dentist. “He liked a different drool bib than the others. We didn’t think anything of it. But later he said he didn’t like Dentine. Dentine! I’ve spent years wondering what I could have done wrong. I mean, what kind of sick mind works that way?”

According to other insiders, it wasn’t long before the group started to spiral out of control. Lisa Ruther, former girlfriend of one of the members, recalled some of the horrors of those terrible years:

“Larry’d been drinking a little. He yelled at Five – that’s what they started calling him: Five – he yelled at Five to recommend Listerine. Five told him to go suck a lemon, and they started to fight. When Five pulled out a syringe, Larry slapped it away and gave him a good smack in the mouth. Five held his mouth and screamed. He’d chipped a tooth. Larry never forgave himself for that, and I don’t think the group ever really recovered.”

Some say “Five” brought the troubles on himself.

“He was using,” said a former roadie for the group. “He never went anywhere without a cotton swab full of Lidocaine pinched in his cheek. I remember once he couldn’t meet with his supplier, and he talked me into getting a fix for him. I watched him inject the Novocaine into his system. He was so f**ked up, he couldn’t even talk. He was like, ‘Tharber dof berfer.’ I’m sorry, I can’t think about those words without getting a little teary. Dammit, ‘Tharber dof berfer.’ How can you live with that? I quit, right there.”

Herb Johnson, former member of the four out of five psychiatrists, said the split was inevitable. “There’s always gotta be one in every group – a prima donna that has to be different and take all the attention from the efforts of the group. I’m just surprised the dentists lasted as long as they did.”

“Five” was unavailable for comment.

Lucky Joe
February 23rd, 2004, 04:59 AM
It gave me a chuckle. :D

February 23rd, 2004, 12:42 PM
Its funny and it doesn't go too long.