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Holbrook
May 22nd, 2004, 08:28 AM
Dawnstorm's idea makes sense would keep the main thread tidy. Moved my comments about Albert here.....


I'll fix it, when I get a chance. I'd love some input from Holbrook on handling the departure of Albert. Then I can edit it in.


Albert's departure is as written in the post though it can be lengthened as can his interview with the powers that be...

Back info;

Albert or Alastar as he was once known was a High Mage who made some big mistakes and nearly blew his own world apart with a war that warped time and the land itself. How this happened or rather how Albert put it right is a story I wrote. In this story the time between Albert's first mistake and his being able to put it right is 1000 years. During this time he, for his sins is the "plaything" or tool of time, fate and "the powers that be" he has to be their "man on the spot"

Now Albert got sent to Juzzza's world to deal with the Kul'Tar and the overflowing magic. Got sent a bit too early, so kicked his heels, messed around a bit, met Alice then things became personal. Though he was not against using Juzzza and anyone else to get the job done. (though the powers that be knew this) Now once the Kul'Tar has been removed Albert has to go.... But he knows Suz will tear the heart out of this world. So he managed to get Daniel to swallow a small fragment of the Kul'Tar as a sought of ace in the hole for some one to use. He also is hanging around sharing Daniel's body for awhile.

As for what happens from here on, not too sure, but it will work out. BUT one thing I wanted to do was have Daniel trail after Bass, Juzzza, Myst, Bolder Reed and the others like a stray dog, getting under everyone's feet. Comments like, why didn't Albert take drake with him etc... Also Albert will reappear as himself at some point....

Does this help folks... please feel free to use both characters as you wish....

Dawnstorm
May 23rd, 2004, 08:41 PM
Relocated from Vacancy ~ Adventurer:

Instead of this post, there is a new installment of the story over there (won't show up as new post).

Concerning Mya: A few relevant quotes from Expendable:


"Sure, but I was always bigger than the boys in my village, and there was my father. He'd give every boy who came to our farm a crazy look then just sit at the table, sharpening his sword. And if that didn't scare them, the goblin raid on my village did. Slaying twenty-three goblins by myself made even my father nervous. Why did you think I started adventuring, anyway?"



"Alright," said a large naked woman. "Enough is enough, if someone doesn't tell me what the f**K is going on, I'm going to go beserk, and trust me... If you knew my father that is NOT what you want to happen."

Mya blinked. Did she actually just envoke her father like that?

The first part of the last quote has been originally written by Juzzza; the last line is Expendable's reaction to it.

Her relationship with her father seems to be quite complicated.

Richardb
May 23rd, 2004, 11:37 PM
I went back to post 289 and wrote in the departure of Albert. I'll edit him out in my later posts now.
As to Mya and Mik, I would assume (I just missed this one) that part of her motivation coming was to get even. I am going to have to edit a whole lot of posts to set that up better. Perhaps we can, going forward, let it come to a head and let them settle things (I don't think we want them killing each other off). I think I'll save the other fixes for the actual editing in the word doc... way to hard to change 10 or more posts in this forum. Make sense?

Holbrook
May 24th, 2004, 03:05 AM
I went back to post 289 and wrote in the departure of Albert. I'll edit him out in my later posts now.
As to Mya and Mik, I would assume (I just missed this one) that part of her motivation coming was to get even. I am going to have to edit a whole lot of posts to set that up better. Perhaps we can, going forward, let it come to a head and let them settle things (I don't think we want them killing each other off). I think I'll save the other fixes for the actual editing in the word doc... way to hard to change 10 or more posts in this forum. Make sense?

Very much... best to make a note of where things need to changed and move on..... HE and I and in the process of editing "Map" nearly 9 months after it was written. It's hard work, but our eyes are "fresh" with regards to it.

I am not re-reading any of Vacancy ~ Adventurer until its finished then I intend to look hard at the manuscript you sent me and the rest.

Jadziel
May 24th, 2004, 03:47 AM
Notes moved from the main thread:

#######

xhao is trying to claim the master assassin role from belaris, ideally to change the guild into more of a passive defence force and to help make a human/dark elf alliance

#######

One thing we haven't covered yet is that mik apparently knew Mya's father and injured him, resulting in his nickname half-hand.

######

I've thought a fair bit about Juzzza killing Tularis during the previous war. The idea i came up with is as follows:

1) It was a staged death in public in Derudin after Juzzza returned from the Crystal City. Juzzza agreed to stage a public confrontation, where Tularis accused him of stealing the Kul'Tar, attacked him and Juzzza killed 'Tularis' in self-defence. Tularis, Juzzza and Xhao knew about the plan. Tularis told Juzzza to escape from Derudin after the fake death and wait in Karst Hills for Dargeth and Mystiqe. Xhao would pass instructions to Mystiqe after the event.

2) From Tularis' perspective, he wanted to end the draining maintenance of the construct after 90 years. Further, he didn't want the Emperor and Belaris' Unit X37 to find out that he helped Juzzza steal the Kul'Tar. If the truth was known, Mystiqe, Dargeth and Xhao would be persecuted for their involvement in the theft and their connections to Tularis, and Belaris would take control of the Assassin Guild. Tularis intended for Juzzza, Mystiqe and Dargeth to leave Derudin, and for Xhao to take over the Assassin's Guild, keeping it out of Belaris' hands.

3) Mystiqe and Dargeth saw Juzzza 'kill' Tularis. They didn't know about the plan - Tularis thought the plan would be messed up if Dargeth knew about it, and didn't want his children implicated - he also thought it would look more realistic if their reactions were genuine. Mystiqe thought Tularis was ruthlessly/calculatedly turning on Juzzza now that the Kul'Tar was out of Derudin - sacrificing the human to preserve his own political power / avoid greater casualties.

4) After the fake death, Juzzza escaped from Derudin and went to Karst Hills to wait for Dargeth and Mystiqe. He waited for 2 months but they didn't arrive. He thought Mystiqe blamed him for her father's death and possibly began to wonder if Tularis really had died. Juzzza didn't know Tularis was a construct.

5) Before Xhao could contact Mystiqe, Mystiqe and Dargeth were apprehended by Belaris' Unit X37. They were sent to Cybarak, where Dargeth collaborated with Zalador due to his own underworld connections. Mystiqe lied in a previous conversation when saying they escaped from Derudin.

6) Belaris claimed control of the Assassin's Guild and discovered the truth about the theft of the Kul'Tar. He informed the Emperor.

7) Xhao went into hiding, tracking Mystiqe and Dargeth to Cybarak for Tularis.

I thought of writing Tularis' original death scene as a flashback - i may have done so already somewhere, will check. Probably one or two scenes would cover what happened.

Let me know if anything looks amiss or you have any ideas . :)

Richardb
May 24th, 2004, 09:30 AM
There seem to be a few things to do, and I'm not sure how we will get there.

1. We need Juzzza and crew to get the emperorer to agree to support the fight against the advisor (or perhaps the assassins guild under a new leader could support the effort)

2. We need to get back and finish that fight.

I've got Boldar, Mik, Bass, Mya, and Crom parked in the underdark awaiting Juzzza's return. I could either wait for that, or have Daniel give them a message or some such and send them over to the battles against the advisor.

Since we are getting close to the end, it is getting tougher to just throw things in without risking other plot lines.

Looking for some notes on general direction so that I can set these characters into action appropriately towards some well planned conclusion.

kahnovitch
May 24th, 2004, 09:49 AM
Haven't been around much to help out peeps, so apologies in advance.
I can see at a glance there's been a fair bit of editing to make the story more cohesive etc and there are some large blank posts etc where people may be adding/deleting.
If any posts need to be totally erased, let me know the post number etc, and I'll clean it up as requested.

Jadziel
May 24th, 2004, 11:17 AM
We have a fair bit to do with the parallel plot strand at Catfish Walk :). I've posted my notes on this part of the story below:


Scenes to include before Mystiqe leaves Catfish Walk

Firstly, there are a few scenes i need to add into the story before Mystiqe left the town. I've written these, it's just difficult fitting them into old posts in the thread *grins*. They cover:

1) Red, Jared and Mystiqe evacuating civilians and injured troops across the river
2) Tularis and Anton discussing strategy against the western army ... uncertain whether the town will be attacked again or whether the berserkers will head elsewhere (to cross the river or north to dunder)
3) Tularis, Anton and Mystiqe attempting to interrogate Saerka Sharn (we left sharn as a prisoner way back and never mentioned him again)
4) Tularis speaking to Mystiqe about his reappearance and his message for Xhao (a scene i skipped earlier)


The parallel story arc

We have a parallel story arc to bring up to date at Catfish Walk. Tularis, Red, Jared, Kahn, Alice, and Anton are at the town. The town defences have makeshift repairs. The town is more or less deserted, inhabited by the surviving karst soldiers, xa'chari assassins and cavalry. There's an uneasy alliance between the humans and dark elves.

Tularis and Anton have to cooperate despite their history - Anton has changed somewhat over the last 10 years and is different to the man who was responsible for certain atrocities in the previous war. He has a wife and daughters of his own now. Tularis has to put the past aside to work with him... but knows his own time is running out and is becoming weaker.

The troops at the town are massively outnumbered by the Advisor's southern army. The Advisor has other armies in the north of the Great Northern Kingdom. Anton thought the beserkers would be back to rescue Sharn, but Tularis demonstrated that Sharn is not in command of the western armies and knows little of their plans.

During the brief respite, Anton sends messengers to the Crystal City, Dunder, Elk, and Karston asking for reinforcements... news arrives back informing Anton that the berserkers have ransacked Dunder, burning it to the ground (Anton's wife had relatives in Dunder)... Elk has no troops to spare, given they are close to the battleline themselves... Anton already brought most the troops from Karston... the situation begins to look hopeless...

The next wave of berserkers arrive at the town to continue the attack (resulting in an epic battle). A desperate, furious defence ensues, going on in parallel while events unfold in Derudin and with the Kul'tar. I thought the construct should 'die' when sacrifice relinquishes life... so i had in mind a parallel buildup of action resulting in his 'death' when the sacrifice is made. One possibility is that Tularis makes a dual sacrifice, saving Anton's life during the defence of Catfish Walk at the cost of his own... an event that leads to closer bonds between the humans and dark elves...

The battle continues, with the turning point being the arrival of reinforcements from the crystal city and derudin... and the arrival of the main characters... possibly the reinforcements are staggered, human ones arriving first with some of the LRI, uncertainty about whether the dark elves of Derudin will form an alliance, then the arrival of dark elves...


The Future

My original idea was that the advisor is in Cybarak and that the party ultimately have to travel there to confront him, adventuring through the western ice kingdom. If this story was in book form, i'd maybe end book 1 with the epic battle against the advisor's southern army and cover the journey and adventures in the ice kingdom in a second book ;).


Will write more shortly, thinking about how we get there if the parallel story arc sounds ok, have to head out for a few minutes... :).

Holbrook
May 24th, 2004, 11:57 AM
Haven't been around much to help out peeps, so apologies in advance.
I can see at a glance there's been a fair bit of editing to make the story more cohesive etc and there are some large blank posts etc where people may be adding/deleting.
If any posts need to be totally erased, let me know the post number etc, and I'll clean it up as requested.

Will do, mine are not beingf re-written just removed notes that have gone on here....

Dawnstorm
May 24th, 2004, 12:23 PM
1. Don't know how to resolve the "Shadow hunters"-thingy. I've thought about letting it be, and simply cutting it from the final version, but that could prove tricky. It's kind of spread tentacles throughout the story, without being central. (While the destruction of the Kult'ar is quite an important feat, the real problem is Suz, as she can just make another one, in the millenia to follow, so the godess whose name escapes me would want to get rid of the root of the problem.)

2. I've been thinking a lot about the relationship between the Advisor and Suz. When he first appeared, I immediately thought, hey, that's just like Suz's alter ego. I've even written something along these lines, but edited that out later, as it didn't make much sense.

As it is, the Advisor does seem to be like Suz's reverse. A creature of twisted magic, he's bound on killing, raising an undead army... that kind of thing. Magic's revenge on life. Suz is just the other way round, hating magic, continually looking for ways to destroy it once and for all. I think it would make sense to have them oppose each other. Kind of like a surprise ally, though a dangerous one (she does have her own cult, and is quite capable of raising an army).

They balance each other out nicely. Could have one-on-one showdown, with Albert taking care of the victor. Thinking...

3. Quinot's an intriguing character. A child, but with both magical and telepathical abilities. (We could have Bass & Co wait for Juzzza's return, and build up Quinot. He does need special supervision, lest blows a nanny away because he can't have what he wants. ;) )

===

Parallel story arc sounds fine. :)