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Holbrook
August 11th, 2004, 12:20 PM
I am just finishing a major re-edit of a massive work... Still a bit to do adding small sections of the "Narrator", but the editing on the main story is nearly done.

I have now hit the problem that has haunted this work since the first draft was completed three years ago.

The ending.

I never liked it.

I felt as if I best have an "arrrrrrrrrr" ending. Not quite a happy, ride off into the sunset type, but a hint of what was going to happen.

MY first outline has the major female interest involved in this scene dying. The version now has her carried wounded, but alive into the city in the arms of her King, who up to that point thought she was a boy (ok... I here the screams now, but the scenes worked well between the two up to that point)

Now I am seriously considering a re-write due to the fact that I have a whole time line of some 40 years worked out for this world (I was bored one day)and it would give me more threads to work on in another novel if the female character was believed dead for a while. It would also leave this book on a sad and slighty bitter note for the one "hero" (though the story has a number of heros and one already has found his love safe and well and to have two of the main characters each ending happy ever after so to speak, sounds false to me)

Thoughts anyone?

ironchef texmex
August 11th, 2004, 01:00 PM
Lots of ideas, but I can't think of any right now that won't involve some measure of rewriting throughout your story. Also, you didn't give us any setup. This next suggestion is under the premise that this is a medieval-type world that we're talking about.

One of my favorite medieval complications is the prearranged marriages. If you want bittersweet you could have the damsel locked into a political/monetary betrothal. So the hero saves her, but still has to give her away.

I know, I know, major reediting tied into that one.... I'll keep thinking about it.

ironchef texmex
August 11th, 2004, 01:16 PM
Here's one without the need for a month long rewrite.

She survives, but is badly injured. She is left disfigured by her injuries and removes herself from society out of humiliation (hides/ joins a convent).

That one leaves you with a number of psychological angles - is he willing to let her go or not, etc.

Holbrook
August 11th, 2004, 01:21 PM
Hmmmm... It is a fantasy story with a small "f" not a wizard or dragon in sight.

I honestly don't want to give too much away, this as a very involved plot, more a story of an event with a large cast of characters. The interplay and the way the characters are drawn to one place at one time to play their part in a "game" of life and death is the meat of the story...

It has taken me so many years to get it to this point and to be honest of all my work I have kept this one very close.....


It does have a very religious/supernatural tone though, clash of cultures, three in fact. A major civil war has torn the Kingdom where the action takes place in two. The whole story concerns a turning point in this war with the siege of the largest semi-independent guild city, which has been drawn into the conflict through politics etc...

The female character is not a love interest, she is fourteen, the daughter of one of the main characters, she plays an important part. To play this part she cuts her hair and takes her dead brother's name. She ends up a "squire" of the King and meets her present "fate" just inside the gates of this city in the final battle. She is thought dead, but found later half stripped by those robbing the dead. Of course her sex is discovered and the story ends with the King wondering what he is going to do with her...

Now I don't want to change anything but the final two scenes.... Do I kill her.. which would leave a large hole in my time line... or leave it as it is, or re-write it to have the King believing she is dead, which would add a another layer to the story and give me more to work on in a sequel...

Edited:

Or have her wake up in the shower and finding it is all a dream, ok this is driving me nuts.... I keep thinking of different endings.... It is getting very Black Adder at times..

choppy
August 11th, 2004, 01:39 PM
Edit: I didn't have a chane to read the additional posts before I wrote this - sorry. I type slowly and take frequent breaks for the day-job.


It's hard to really know what a story is about until after the first draft is written. But not that you've passed a couple drafts I'm guessing you'll have a pretty good idea of the themes you're exploring and you can use them to drive what happens in the end.

It's hard to comment on what might work with such a limited description of the story, but here are some thoughts.

Is it nessessary to include this scene at all?

What about IMPLICATION? Through the king's actions you could simply imply that your girl has died. Or maybe to him this character has died in a way if he thought she was a boy up until this point - and you just need to figure out how to bring this across.

Another option is resurrection. Kill the character off and bring her back. It's not unheard of. In fact your biggest problem would be figuring out a way of doing it that's not too cliche.

You're a pretty talented writer, Holbrook. I'm sure whichever path you choose, you'll be able to make work.

Holbrook
August 11th, 2004, 01:52 PM
Edit: I didn't have a chane to read the additional posts before I wrote this - sorry. I type slowly and take frequent breaks for the day-job.


It's hard to really know what a story is about until after the first draft is written. But not that you've passed a couple drafts I'm guessing you'll have a pretty good idea of the themes you're exploring and you can use them to drive what happens in the end.

It's hard to comment on what might work with such a limited description of the story, but here are some thoughts.

Is it nessessary to include this scene at all?

What about IMPLICATION? Through the king's actions you could simply imply that your girl has died. Or maybe to him this character has died in a way if he thought she was a boy up until this point - and you just need to figure out how to bring this across.

Another option is resurrection. Kill the character off and bring her back. It's not unheard of. In fact your biggest problem would be figuring out a way of doing it that's not too cliche.

You're a pretty talented writer, Holbrook. I'm sure whichever path you choose, you'll be able to make work.


Hmmmm... there is a point where the King's aide does mention to the King that he knows, where the boy fell....this is mentioned with the idea/impression that when it is over, if they win, they will go and find the lad and bury him with honours etc.... There is also a scene with the narrator commenting on his actions concerning the "lad" and hinting that it is not all over yet for this character. So it could be left the scenes not re-written just removed and the story ended at another point.

ironchef texmex;


She survives, but is badly injured. She is left disfigured by her injuries and removes herself from society out of humiliation (hides/ joins a convent).

This with some work could work... it is not something I have thought about.... thanks..

ironchef texmex
August 11th, 2004, 01:54 PM
Oops. Okay, you threw me with the "female interest" line.

He could just have her branded a heritic or something (assuming cross-dressing is frowned upon in this world) and have her exiled.

Hereford Eye
August 11th, 2004, 02:44 PM
Harrumphhh! :mad:














I liked it the way it was. :rolleyes:

Holbrook
August 11th, 2004, 02:55 PM
Harrumphhh! :mad:














I liked it the way it was. :rolleyes:


I know, that's been worrying me... but it feels too "Disney" It is too easy, too pat...

Besides think how it will affect the King....

michaelS0620
August 11th, 2004, 03:35 PM
Its hard for me to comment based only on what's here, but I like the idea of her not being killed. Her being alive, forces the King to deal with her. Which is tension and tension is wonderful. :)

I assume she has fought bravely and sacrificed much for her kingdom, and the king would have to take that into consideration. It sounds like a test or the King. If she dies, the tension created by this triangle (King, Girl, Society) drains away...