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Lews Therin
September 11th, 2004, 09:31 PM
This is a small short story which I wrote 2 years ago ( i was 14). Note that English is my second language, so I write mostly in my native one but wanted to try this too. Any coments will be helpful :)
Тhe Delivery


It was my birthday! I had been waiting so many days and finally it was my birthday. My mother asked me what did I want to do for this special day. A few days ago, I had seen this commercial about a pizza delivery . There was a small boy, just like me who was eating a pizza delivered by a big fast food store. The boy was so happy and I wanted to be just like him . Just like in the commercial…
So I wanted somebody to deliver a pizza for my birthday. We called the fast food store and waited. After half an hour, I went out to wait for my delivery. It was the middle of January and the weather was really cold and snowy. I waited and waited until I could hardly see even my own hand. It was so cold; I could not even move my legs anymore. I looked at the highway. The cars were passing one after another in a slow, endless flow. They looked at me with their cruel faces and blinded my eyes with their headlights. It hurt so much that I fell into the snow. I heard shouting from my house, but I could not start moving. I was crying, crying and waiting for my delivery.
I slowly turned my face. It was so beautiful! The snowflakes were falling like a little angels and the sky was smiling at me. I wanted to go there, to the sky. I wanted to meet my snowflakes, my angels. I wanted to be happy there, forever. I was lying there- in the snow and I was dying. Dying- what a strange word. A word full of horror and mistrust, but I knew the truth. Yes, I knew. I knew that this was the most beautiful and precious word my mouth could ever speak. For me, death meant only endless happiness and joy. I closed my eyes and felt something under my hand. It was a human body. I looked at the face and my eyes opened wildly. It was the deliveryman. I felt his pulse - he was still alive .
I suddenly realized that I was in a passage. At one end there was a white and shining door- death. At the other there was the deliveryman. He was lying in the snow, dying. I wanted to go to the shining door, death. I wanted endless happiness and life without pain.
I started to walk towards the white door, but suddenly a vision came to me. Two deep, blue eyes. The eyes of the dying man. They begged me and prayed for life. The man wanted to live. I realized something- there was no joy in these eyes, no happiness. They were filled with horror. The eyes of death.
I looked at the door one more time and then I opened my eyes. The deliveryman was hardly breathing, his eyes were closed. Closed with terror.
I started shouting for help, for somebody who could help the man. Help the eyes. I heard the ambulance car. The help was coming.

Expendable
September 11th, 2004, 11:10 PM
I don't think you need to change anything.