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lil_g11092005
October 12th, 2004, 08:53 PM
Deepest Thoughts
From my deepest thoughts to my every fantasy I see you.
From the moment in time when you dawned into my life,
it became an everlasting dream.
Time after time I try to define my emotions for you,
but there are no unexplainable thoughts.
When we stand face to face some overwhelming power
possesses my body and takes control of my mind.
When you look into my eyes it is as though,
you are looking deep within my soul and I become
weak and hypnotized by your beauty.As I watch you,
I am distance.I am like a statue,motionless,speechless,
observantof your every movement.From my deepest thoughts
to my every fantasy I hear you.Your voice is like the sound of an
singing in the angel singing in the heavens.The smell of you is like
no other,The sweet smell of chocolate and a hint of rose pedals.
You are like a spell that won't let me go.

My Deepest Thoughts.

Expendable
October 12th, 2004, 10:42 PM
Need to work on spacing. S'ok.

Are you looking for a critique or advice or just want to hear how good you are?

lil_g11092005
October 13th, 2004, 05:28 AM
i'm just lookin for both

SubZero61992
October 13th, 2004, 07:53 AM
I would give that a 7/10

I just coulldnt get into it, Lol, but it is good, needs spacing, reading over for incomplete lines, and I dont think there was any spelling mistakes.

I was in second block when I wrote this, wich my time was like, 8:45