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Bard
October 18th, 2004, 11:41 AM
Here is another part of my prologue. Let me know what you think, all feedback is appreciated...
As before, as English is not my own language, there can be mistakes in grammar and words etc, even though I tried to be as accurate as possible.
Thanks. :)

Prologue (part two)

Awakening

Darkness…
He...was...back...
He remembered…he remembered everything…
He remembered the coming of the all-embracing dark.

He was still blind, his body rigid and cold, but his soul had awakened. Why, and how, he didn’t know, but his memories had returned. So sudden, so terribly clear and cruel, that it seemed only moments ago that he was betrayed. And maybe it was. It could have been moments, days, years…it could have been centuries. How was he to know?

He vividly remembered his bewilderment when the betrayer spoke the Words that changed him from flesh and blood into lifeless stone. How his feet had suddenly blended with the solid rock he was standing on. How an unusual cold was starting to freeze his blood and nestle itself deeper and deeper in his bones. How it had slowly crept up his legs, turning him into a statue of rusty-coloured stone.

He remembered his impotent fury immediately when the betrayal sank in. He had yelled, threathened, begged…but all in vain. It had been too late. His fate had been sealed the moment the Words of Enclosure were spoken and the summons had caught him in it’s magical web. He had payed a high price for his trust. A foolish, blind trust. It still hurt to think about it…

He remembered how just before the cold had reached his head and finally stole the light out of his eyes, someone had spoken to him in a sad voice, filled with pain. But his back had been turned and now he couldn’t remember the words. It didn’t matter. Neither then nor now. Whatever was said, the words were forgotten, lost in the falling of the summoned night.

The last thing he remembered before the darkness had wrapped itself like a impenetrable cloth around his mind, was a laughing face framed with sun-kissed curls, so heartbreakingly beautiful that when the darkness claimed him, he was grateful for the painless oblivion.

************************************************** *

The thought of her should have been his last…
It should have, for a last thought it was perfect, but now oblivion had unexpectedly let him go. His body was still chained, melted together with the stone from the underground dungeon, but his soul was no longer bound. Consciousness had returned.
The reasons for this strange awakening eluded him though. Was this another cruel joke from the betrayer? Because the thought of being forever trapped in this dark stony prison, with nothing but his own memories and thoughts to keep him company, were terrifying.
He wondered how long it would be before he lost his mind? And if madness wouldn’t be preferable over a life without sight and hearing, without being able to move at all. Lost in himself for eternity.
The thought was unbearable, but he quickly fought back a rising panic. No use in breaking already. He better stop dwelling on it and focus on a solution, no matter how bleak the situation looked. After all, if his soul could return, then the body could as well. He must keep faith.
Perhaps the betrayer had made a mistake and the spell had just unravelled. But that was very unlikely, if not impossible. The betrayer was much to competent and talented to make a mistake like that. So perhaps someone else had broken the spell. But few Summoners would be strong enough to accomplish such a feat, certainly in the lands of Varhallen, and it was horribly dangerous to mess with someone else’s spell. Death was closer than succes. And why run the risk of angering one of the oldest Summoners in Varhallen and a trusted advisor of the High King?
But what then? His consciousness was back and that had to mean something, right? No denying that. For good or for bad, something was happening. He felt it - only metaphorically speaking of course. A strange tingling sensation of uneasiness and expectation.
Someone was coming...

SubZero61992
October 21st, 2004, 06:38 PM
It is good.
I found one mistake though.
threathened should be threatened I believe, I think it was just a little typo. ( duh)

Drakonslair
October 21st, 2004, 07:48 PM
Thats a really excellant piece of writing. Just one or two small bits. There are a couple of typos but they arent important




And if madness wouldn’t be preferable over a life without sight and hearing, without being able to move at all

What about his other senses? touch smell taste?


It should have, for a last thought it was perfect, but now

It could be just me but the flow of this sentence seems off. When I read it I keep changing it to "It should have for a last thought been perfect, but now "

Thats all I could see. Nice work

Bard
October 22nd, 2004, 04:01 AM
Thanks, guys.
The typo is noted and changed.
Drakonslair, the first is a good point, those things should be added as well...
The second I'm less sure about, notice the emphasis on last, I think in reference to the first sentence this can stand, but maybe I'm wrong...
I appreciated your time to read and answer ;)

SubZero61992
October 22nd, 2004, 05:10 AM
Woah!
I just realized this is part 2 of the first one?
I got knid of lost.

Bard
October 22nd, 2004, 11:24 AM
It's part of the same prologue, but they are not connected directly. They are different places, different people...The events in the prologue are kind of connected, but that will not be obvious at this moment...So don't be confused. :confused: